Connect with us

News

Charles Novia: Yoruba Ladies Just Might Have the Biggest Butts in Nigeria

Published

 on

Charles Novia - January 2014 - Same Sex Bill - BellaNaija

Nollywood filmmaker and self-proclaimed culture critic Charles Novia is speaking out about the current focus of the media on the derriere of international stars like Kim Kardashian, Nicki Minaj and Jennifer Lopez.

According to Charles Novia, there should be no fuss about the international stars because African women are naturally endowed will theirs are usually artificial. He explains that Nicki Minaj, Kim Kardashian and Jennifer Lopez should be jealous of Mercy Johnson, Yvonne Okoro and a lot of African women – especially Yoruba women.

Read his piece below.

I know the hidden agenda of Kim Kardashian, Nikki Minaj and Jennifer Lopez. Yes, I know.

These ladies are jealous of Mercy Johnson, Yvonne Okoro and one of my female relatives in the village.

Na today real Black women don dey get Big Yansh? Why the sudden obsession with Kim Kardashian’s butt by the Western World? Ehn?

And the funny thing is, oyinbo women are now getting butt transplants while those who can’t afford it are using butt pads, or Yansh Pads as we term it here sometimes.

Now, this is the humour when it comes to Nigerian and perhaps African women. When God made the African woman, he might have taken an extra rib from Adam to bless the African women in most parts of the continent. That is why South African women have….(*speechless)

Narrowing it down to Nigeria and the ethnic groups, it is debatable but research has shown that Yoruba ladies just might have the biggest butts in Nigeria. I am likely to concur with this because ever since I was born and all the years I was growing up, the only images of Yoruba women I could remember from the black and white music clips of those days and Owambe Parties, were images of some bad ass conservative butt shaking which never got one’s parents incensed enough to switch off the television lest we got ‘spoilt’ but would sooner ask us to close our eyes when images of oyinbos kissing came on the screen.

In fact, when I first watched a clip of Fela Kuti’s stage performance in 1977 or 1978 on NTV ( as it was called then), it wasn’t the ‘shakara, shakara’ chorus he was singing which caught my fancy. It was the unbridled butt shaking of his dancing girls which tormented my poor, young innocent soul for years.

Then, Charly Boy came in 1987, with his outrageous music video, ‘Big Bottom’ and not even the morally-correct NTA could ban it off the airwaves then even with the tempting close-ups of women with Big Yanshes in that video. Then one lady singer called Uche Ibeto released a video titled ‘Jigida’ where she did some provocative butt shaking as she screamed in a simulated moan ‘ligiligi, ligiligi, sha, sha, sha! ‘. And no one banned that video then because it ‘projected an African dance’.

Back to the meat of my story, today’s fashion is a conspiracy to ensure that Butt-om Power will keep on ruling. Everything with women’s fashion seems to bring out the shape of their butts these days. And the Kim Ks and Nikki Minajs are there to help you out, if you have any doubts.

Sadly, in Nigeria, I am told that Butt Pads for ladies are in high demand in the market. Why? Because many young ladies want to have butts like Kim Kardashian.
I need to ask why an African lady would want to put on artificial pads on what has naturally been padded from heaven. Because of Kim?

Fela Kuti did sing that the African People’s problems start from the back. ‘Na from BACK yioooooo’.

Don’t get me wrong. I appreciate butt. Good butt. And for those who got it among the ladies, thank God for ‘butt’ering your bread. But when butts are being used now as weapons of distraction, Houston, we have a problem!

Why did I write this satire today? Two days ago, at Garki 2, a young lady with well-formed hips came out of a building and stood by the road to flag down a taxi. I tell you, Kim K has nothing on this woman’s butt and I wasn’t looking at her o. I was humming Tisha Cobbs ‘Break Every Chain’ when I saw her. The next thing I knew, an SUV rammed me from behind. Gbosa!

A well-dressed young man came out and apologised profusely as I looked at my dented rear bumper. Whilst apologising, he kept glancing at the young lady a few metres away.

‘Mr Man!’ I said, ‘before Yansh will kill you, go and meet that girl and take her contacts so that you will know that the bills you will pay for fixing my dent will be worth it!’

The Guy nor slack. He went to the Lady and a couple of minutes later, they both walked back to his SUV.

I don’t care to know what went down with him and the endowed lass but all I know is that I have a new rear bumper at his expense which was fixed yesterday.

Obviously that kind of person would not care to pay for bumpers. What with the way he rammed my car from behind, it doesn’t take much imagination to visualise the other types of ramming he loves doing behind closed doors.

29 Comments

  1. Bella

    November 27, 2014 at 11:25 am

    Light hearted and fun reading and holds some natural truths too! Now this I like. Its about time we started appreciating what God naturally gave us – as Africans, great complexion, beautifully shaped bodies, great skin and in all its different shades, I would never change who I am, I am proudly African, the best part of this post is for me below
    “Now, this is the humour when it comes to Nigerian and perhaps African women. When God made the African woman, he might have taken an extra rib from Adam to bless the African women in most parts of the continent. That is why South African women have….(*speechless)… 🙂

  2. hilarious

    November 27, 2014 at 11:30 am

    waiting for comments….

  3. Eyitayo

    November 27, 2014 at 11:58 am

    lmao at *I wasn’t looking at her o. I was humming Tisha Cobbs ‘Break Every Chain’ when I saw her. The next thing I knew, an SUV rammed me from behind. Gbosa!* this gt to be Charles Novia hilarious piece….nice one! we yes African ladies are naturally endowed *winks*

  4. ministerswife

    November 27, 2014 at 12:43 pm

    Very funny, Charles. But its ppl like you that inspire insecure ladies to seek butt enhancing procedures and garments. What do you mean by ‘well-formed hips’? If her hips were rounded or disproportionately conspicuous in comparison to the rest of her body, you could have just said that.

    All hips are well formed after all. No matter the structure.

  5. seyi

    November 27, 2014 at 12:54 pm

    Lolllllllllzzzzzzz @break every chain…

    • xoxo

      November 27, 2014 at 7:48 pm

      Lwkmd!

  6. Onahboy

    November 27, 2014 at 1:13 pm

    And Yoruba ladies fail to win naija miss ukwu

    • Somebody

      November 27, 2014 at 4:49 pm

      And which pageant is dat cos i ave never heard of it probably it is not popular and den secondly,d pageants we ave in nigeria is more of igbo pageant cos most of d contestants are igbos.pageants in nigeria dont potray d whole of nigeria but just a section,when dey start potraying d whole of nigeria den we can see who have d biggest butts

    • Red

      November 27, 2014 at 10:22 pm

      Is life this serious?

  7. Zanele

    November 27, 2014 at 1:44 pm

    I don’t think our (SA women) butts are as big as people make them out to be. They look normal to me.

    • Idomagirl

      November 28, 2014 at 1:26 am

      Probably because you’re used to seeing them! SA women dikwa very endowed o….

  8. nola

    November 27, 2014 at 2:20 pm

    lmaoooo…eya e be like say ‘the break every chain’ no work that morning o.. as you come get accident naaa.. me when I hum the song walahi.. smooth runnings that day….very funny story!

  9. Brooklyn

    November 27, 2014 at 3:01 pm

    West african women in general have the biggest butts lol. And its real! Beautiful shapes! I live in nyc so I see people from all over the world! Im like “can you guys share”? Lol

  10. x-factor

    November 27, 2014 at 3:10 pm

    lol

  11. Author Unknown

    November 27, 2014 at 3:25 pm

    Unfortunately for you, don’t nobody know (or care for) Mercy Johnson or Yvonne Okoro in the western world. What the West is fascinated with is a black woman’s butt on a non-black woman. That’s why Nicki Minaj’s isn’t as mainstream fascinating as Kim K’s.

  12. chinco

    November 27, 2014 at 3:48 pm

    Brings to mind a chubby cousin nicknamed ‘idi Araba’ …(she’s actually a medical student at luth, idi araba)…very catchy lol.

    • Mohammad

      November 28, 2014 at 2:34 am

      Choi! I lolled at that one!

  13. Clo

    November 27, 2014 at 3:51 pm

    Honestly any time “butt” conversations come up, I tell my peers I’m sorry I’m not one of those “Afro Caribs” with big butt, and how I continue to ensue jealousy over the West Africans and their natural curvy, ‘butty’ body. Nikki & Kim type of ass I can never be jealous of…#NaturalIsSafe

  14. Ayaba

    November 27, 2014 at 3:52 pm

    hahahaha very funny piece!! this one made me almost laughed out in da office (na so dem for take catch me today).
    “Mr Man!’ I said, ‘before Yansh will kill you, go and meet that girl and take her contacts so that you will know that the bills you will pay for fixing my dent will be worth it!’”

    This reminds me of my days in the university. the town where i come from, is also known for ladies endowned wth better better bottom.
    So there was this guy who was confused between ma friend and i. Today he will be asking my friend out and the next day it would be me. #Confusedmuch.
    He cldn’t hold it again one day that he met the 2 of us. he just broke out in lamentatiuon ‘Oh u these girls from the North west with your big bottoms. U guys are confusing me i don’t even know which one i want’ hahahhaha the way my friend and i laughed that day ehn!!

  15. jake ro

    November 27, 2014 at 4:25 pm

    African women have asses but too fatty looking.those of kim andjenifer’s types are firm ,super curvedand proportional..maybe african women should learn to hit thegym to tone and firm their asses to gain more recognition, cos they ae blessed with it.there is a difference b/w having a nice curved, firm and proportional ass and having an ass that is fatty and much bigger than your body which most yoruba women has.i mean no disrespect about this just my observation and opinion

  16. nene

    November 27, 2014 at 7:44 pm

    lmao. charles novia o! but he’s right. yoruba women are the most endowed in nigeria. BUT south african women..GOD! every single south african woman i’ve met is very voluptuous and curvy, they have beautiful figures.

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      November 27, 2014 at 9:20 pm

      I no gree with you and Charles oh. “Ah mean”, have either of you ever spied the rear end of a Kalabari woman from the Niger Delta region? HIAN!! There’s a reason why that culture is particularly renowned for the “fattening room” rites that brides are put through before getting married. Iria wo! … (don’t know if I spelt that correctly though) … 🙂

      For the rest of my Naija sisters playing catch up, squats/lunges are your friend like you can’t imagine. My booty has already taken on a much rounder appearance ever since I started doing body pump and I know exactly why….

    • Mohammad

      November 28, 2014 at 2:39 am

      Have you found out how to lift the barbell before your squats now Mz SA? I have the video for you oh!

  17. Red

    November 27, 2014 at 10:27 pm

    There is sexy butt (Kim K) and then there is fat ass (most Naija women)

    • Idomagirl

      November 28, 2014 at 1:30 am

      Maybe there’s something wrong with my eyes but there are Nigerian women with way sexier butts than Kim K. Don’t let all the body magic + photo shop cover ya eye….

  18. Idomagirl

    November 28, 2014 at 1:28 am

    LMAO…This Charles Novia sef…

  19. Hypocrites&feminists

    November 28, 2014 at 10:33 am

    The hypocrisy of Nigerians no be here.
    I clicked on this post in the hope that our closet feminists who are quick to comment on anything that bothers on denigrating womanhood would take Charles to the cleaners for objectifying our Yoruba womenfolk but what do i see?
    Everyone here is applauding his sense of humor, not that I don’t find it funny myself….but the Beijing women conference subscribers on this blog who turn everything to man versus woman either didn’t have their field glasses on or have chosen to swallow a few few pills of cheap flattery

  20. Stylish Academic

    December 1, 2014 at 10:21 pm

    Very funny piece!

  21. Fade may

    December 3, 2014 at 12:07 am

    All of una way applaud dis cyco need 2b screened dis guy is loosing it chali make Kim catch u u go talk wich surgeon arrange dia kini talk talk

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Tangerine Africa

Star Features

css.php