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Mindy Kaling on Marriage: I Don’t Need Anyone to Take Care of All My Needs and Desires

BellaNaija.com

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GHK020115_001_002_003Actress and writer Mindy Kaling is the cover star for Good Housekeeping magazine and in the magazine’s latest issue the 35-year-old star talks about love, marriage, her mom dying from cancer and so much more.

Read excerpts from her interview below:

On her ‘Mindy’ character and herself: I love that she’s fearless. No matter who questions her, she can summon a confidence that’s like Well, I don’t care. They both speak their minds and have very strong opinions.

On her mum inspiring the ‘Mindy’ character: She was very busy, and she did not suffer fools. Her no-nonsense attitude is the single best thing I got from her. We’re hungry, ambitious people. It’s a family trait.

On her mum having Stage IV pancreatic cancer: I love talking about my mom, but I may cry. We all thought we would have a couple of years with her. Eight months later, she was gone. So fast. My mom was my soul mate.

On looking for love: I’m dating. If I could relive the first three months of courtship over and over for the rest of my life, I would. Especially in winter, who doesn’t like a nice heavy seven-course meal with lots of alcohol, then making out when you’re a little tipsy and taking a cab home to fall asleep in the clothes you wore on the date? Wait. Actually that was, like, my whole 20s. And it was very fun. When I was younger, I wanted so badly to be married and have kids in a rush. I loved my parents’ relationship. The way my father was with my mother when she was dying was so moving. It was such devotion. I don’t know that that will happen for me, but I like it. I don’t need marriage. I don’t need anyone to take care of all my needs and desires. I can take care of them myself now.

On her body: I think it’s important to talk about. I’m not an enormous person. I don’t think of myself as overweight. I definitely get hurt when people say mean things about my body. But it’s not the most important thing in my life.

You can read up the rest of her interview with Good Housekeeping here.

Photo Credit: Good Housekeeping

24 Comments

  1. ms.b

    January 20, 2015 at 4:47 am

    U don’t need anybody to take care of you cos u can take care of urself. Yes, even d women who r married can take care of demselves also, there’s is sumtin called “companionship”. That’s how we all neglect marriage till we r old n lonely. I’m not married but it’s sumtin I look forward to, to have a companion, a friend with me. So mindy, I don’t agree with you, most women dat say ds are not even truthful, see Gabrielle union, she once said ds same tin n now she’s married to a guy waaayy younger n I guess she’s happy! Nobody wants to be alone, is what single gals tell demselves to feel ok wt dia single state.

    • Surely

      January 20, 2015 at 7:24 am

      You see, if she said no woman should get married then I’d understand your nonsense chat. This is HER life. Its not because she wants to feel better about herself. Being single doesn’t mean being alone. Many people never marry but aren’t lonely. Children, pets (YES, PETS), family, friends, fill that void in your life.

      Paul in the bible said marriage was not for him, I don’t hear any of you saying he just wanted to feel better about himself. When woman talk am, una go wan die on top her matter.

    • ms.b

      January 20, 2015 at 7:50 am

      Cos most times women aren’t been truthful, at the end d same person saying ds wud get married n wud scream how wonderful her husband is. PETS can never replace humans, and ur frnds n family wud have dia home also. When a woman says she doesn’t need a man to “take care of her” meaning she’s good all by herself it’s often a lie. Inshort when any gender says that, it’s not true, it’s mostly said from d depth of loneliness. Ppl who stay alone have issues, deep psychological issues. Yea, Paul said marriage isn’t for evrybdy, but most women that scream ds “I don’t need a man” stuff r lying. Another example was Cameron Diaz, Tyler banks, one of my very good frnds, etc, at d end der fall HARD!

    • ms.b

      January 20, 2015 at 7:52 am

      “Tyra banks”. Everybody needs sum1, u think it’s so cool been alone? Story

    • Laura

      January 20, 2015 at 9:15 am

      Paul in the bible is a different story, he was a missionary. Its important to have someone to talk to, that’s the difference with pets, i love them regardless.

    • C'est moi

      January 20, 2015 at 11:41 am

      MsB – You are mixing needs and wants; a man is not a need unless you are a totally inept of functioning on your own sad excuse for a woman. A partner/husband is a want, something (‘good’) you’d like to have but is by no means a necessity. So those so say they don’t NEED a partner DON’T. But they can want and have one. A partner/husband should be complementary, like a dessert.

    • D Main Man

      January 20, 2015 at 9:16 am

      @ms.b, You couldn’t have said it better…I just love you for this. i could extrapolate your kind of person from your remarks. @ms.b as this is coming from a woman, this is truth and nutin but the truth. @ms.b oh hug-hug-hug-hug-french kiss- and Full kiss.

    • s_fortress

      January 20, 2015 at 9:19 am

      Ms.b, if you’ve read Mindy Kaling’s book, you’ll know that she was very much set on marriage. That’s what she wanted. Probably what she still wants.

      When she talks about needs and desires, I doubt she’s talking about financial matters. People can be needy, they can think they need someone else to fill a hole in their life. “Your whole life waiting on a ring to prove you’re not alone” as the lovely Pink sang. Mindy has probably found out that she is sufficient.

      Mindy is speaking her own truth. I’m sure you’ve found yours so try not to impose it on others. Marriage isn’t the end game. Men are not expected to look at marriage as the end game, why should women?

      Also being unmarried does not mean you’re alone. Mindy doesn’t live in Naija, she can have a partner for decades if she wants to and there’ll be no Ms Bs sneering at her choices.

    • ms.b

      January 20, 2015 at 5:46 pm

      Mindy said she doesn’t “need a man”, it’s not dsame tin as “marriage”. I ddnt talk abt importance of marriage, I talked abt importance of having a partner.

    • Mbeke feeling funky

      January 20, 2015 at 9:39 am

      See this is why I used to fail English comprehension in school. No shade to you at all.

      She said she likes marriage but doesn’t “need” it. You need something when you can’t survive without it ie water, food, shelter (basic amenities).

      So please let’s not misconstrue her words. No ones going to die from not being married and being alone. People can be lonely while married, sure there was an Aunty Bella where a married woman was talking about how she was lonely.
      I think if more people realised that being married is not a do or die affair they would feel less pressured to run into marriage without really considering if the person was right for them. Our society teach us that marriage automatically equals success and happiness but let’s be honest it’s not always the case.

    • heeba

      January 20, 2015 at 10:31 am

      You can get life time companionship without getting married……….Marriage is not by force 90% of married couples are not companions to each other in fact most of them don’t want their spouses friendship

    • D

      January 20, 2015 at 6:19 pm

      I have a sister-in-law who says she does not need a partner and I am 90% certain she will not be getting married again. She was married once and it was a terrible situation. 2 kids later she has said No man for her and I believe her. Like someone said you have found your truth because it is yours does not mean it is the same of the entire universe with the XX Chromosome. Infact, what am I talking about I know shit ton of women in their 60s and 70s that are not married and some have never been and never wanted to be and they are happy. My organic chemistry instructor in college comes to mind so again to generalize like that shows narrow mindedness. I am happily married and I am happy to have my husband but like I said I know many women who are ok with being by themselves.

  2. Tosin

    January 20, 2015 at 7:32 am

    Omo! She’s cool.
    She didn’t even ask them to photoshop her into Barbie or something. Love!

  3. Africhic

    January 20, 2015 at 8:38 am

    Don’t go and eventually pull a Cameron Diaz on us oh.

  4. chi-e-z

    January 20, 2015 at 9:58 am

    I looove mindy her tv character and mine are twins. lonely,quirky, desperate at times, funny as h#ll alll the time, and lots of weirdness

  5. lola

    January 20, 2015 at 12:49 pm

    my hope is for society to change there orientation that marriage is the pinnacle of success for a woman. my heart bleeds when around me i see mothers telling their girl child hard work is time wasting for a woman, that a man is all she needs #true story# THANK GOD FOR MY MOM!!!!!! ” You can get life time companionship without getting married……….Marriage is not by force 90% of married couples are not companions to each other in fact most of them don’t want their spouses friendship”thank you heeba. She said she likes marriage but doesn’t “need” it. You need something when you can’t survive without it ie water, food, shelter (basic amenities) nice one Mbeke feeling funky. one major reason people get married in Nigeria is because of society pressure like people saying your mates are married so what are you waiting. ladies there is more to life than a RING

  6. oj

    January 20, 2015 at 1:11 pm

    When a single lady says she’s happy despite her being single, does that mean she has no desire to get married? I desire to build a house in the future, does that mean that until then, I would be miserable?

    So pls, a person can be single and happy. Marriage is not the secret to happiness. if it were, then ALL married people would be happy, there would be nothing like infidelity or divorce.

  7. *Real* Nice Anon

    January 20, 2015 at 3:38 pm

    I too totally understands when she says her mother is her soul mate as I feel mine is. I don’t think anyone else understands my core being the way she does.

    • D

      January 20, 2015 at 6:27 pm

      My boss told me this once and it resonated with me “your child (ren) are the only ones to hear your heart beat from the inside. My mama is not my soul mate sha ooo. But it made so much sense for me.

  8. Marvel

    January 20, 2015 at 4:58 pm

    Ms b, try being indifferent to people’s choices about marriage. You look forward to it because from the day you were born, you were taught to look forward to it. It just doesn’t happen for some people and the older they get, and adjust to their situations/status, they may not feel the pressure to get married but could live with lovers, have children, adopt etc
    I met a Nigerian woman, who aged 80, married a Scottish widower 2 years back. It was her first marriage. Let us embrace others and not feel that they are trying to please us or trying to feel better about failures when they express their genuine feelings.

  9. HAWTTALKWITHTOSAN

    January 20, 2015 at 5:38 pm

    Marriage is not for everyone and believe it or not their are million of people happy being single. That does not mean they are ALONE. Do you know how many married people are LONELY in their marriages? I have been married for 13 years to my best friend and even I have gone through lonely stages in my marriage. Like some of you have stated; marriage should be viewed as a WANT not a NEED. If you NEED marriage to be whole then that’s another other matter that a therapist or pastor may have to address.

  10. LOL

    January 20, 2015 at 10:09 pm

    Life is all about stages though. i mean yes you are allowed to change your mind but like Cameron Diaz said the same thing and look who has the ring on her finger. but hey they again we are allowed to change our mind so go on with your bad self girl.

  11. vashti

    January 20, 2015 at 10:15 pm

    This just made me look back at a period in my life where I went from Desiring marriage (what was expected of me, all my friends were doing it); to Needing marriage (fear setting in that I was getting old), I needed it to happen but deep down and after some soul searching and honest pep talk, I didn’t actually need a Man, in fact he would probably have been a piece of furniture after a couple of years. The thing is and I don’t know if this is a condition or just weird, I actually have a short span for accommodating people, I don’t usually find myself hovering around someone for a very long time. After some time I want to be by myself wandering in my thoughts and doing my own thing and it’s not lonely. I have come to the realization that I do want marriage but it’s not something to kill myself over with. I want it when I am ready, whole, prepared, able to give, sacrifice and love and hopefully vice versa for the man. If it takes 2 months, 5 years, 10years for it to happen then that’s my story. Marriage does not solve loneliness or provide you with a free pass to happiness (other things in life can bring or give you the same feeling). Marriage is a union and agreement by both parties to give up oneself for the benefit, growth of another which gives the ultimate feeling and fulfillment of Joy. Nowadays most people’s motives for getting married is self-centred.

  12. J

    January 21, 2015 at 3:30 am

    “So mindy, I don’t agree with you.”

    YOU not agreeing with how someone else chooses to live HER life makes no sense. Did she ever impose her views on you? Abeg, live your life, have your views, let everybody else do the same. Choose to marry and be happy OR NOT married and happy, Being single doesn’t mean loneliness or lack of companionship. Two people can be in love, and together — without marriage.

    ” most women dat say [they don’t need marriage] are not even truthful,”

    Why? Just because not all women are looking forward to getting married like you doesn’t mean they are liars.

    “See Gabrielle union, she once said ds same tin n now she’s married to a guy waaayy younger n I guess she’s happy!”

    So what? She changed her mind, everybody is entitled to changing their mind. The happiness and companionship you seek through marriage — is the same happiness and companionship other people are seeking with OR without marriage. Live and let live.

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