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Munir Bello: Sex on the First Date

Munir Bello

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Many of women have been in this position before. You have a great first date with a guy that ends up with you two sharing a kiss. He seems really nice and you both start to feel a little hot under the collar. Your inhibitions have been shed, but not your clothes as you are in a public place. The thought is now crossing your mind as to whether you should go all the way. You’re all over the place, with plenty of thoughts trying to push themselves to the front of the queue, ‘I really want to sleep with this guy but if I give him the goodies will he call again’ ‘I don’t want him to think I’m a prude if I don’t sleep with him’, ‘He’s such a good kisser, I wonder what else he’s good at’ ‘Does he have a spare toothbrush?’. This never-ending battle between the angel and the devil on either side of your shoulders continues and you wonder what the right thing to do is.

The ladies that I spoke to asked me whether I thought It was a good idea to go all the way on a first date because, some of them had slept with a guy and not heard from him ever again. Some of them had never slept with a guy on a first date, yet they were still single and wondered whether it was because of their reluctance to give him the red light special. Others found that they had sex regularly with guys on a first date but then decided about taking it further commonly known as the one night stand. My inquisitors were mostly women who were wanting find a relationship in a market that they believed to contain very few prospects.

I met up with a few men to see how they felt about women they slept with on the first date. The purpose of which was to find out how likely they were to start a relationship with someone who’s goodies they had sampled. There were plenty of reservations until the promise of anonymity and a little bit of wine loosened their tongues. The first contribution of note was, ‘If I sleep with someone on the first date, I might call them again for a bit of fun but I’m not likely to think about anything serious because I don’t know how many other guys she’s been with’ another guy said, ‘I don’t mind starting a relationship with someone who sleeps with me on the first date as long as while we are getting to know each other we establish exclusivity’ There were a couple of the guys who admitted that their wife was someone that they slept with on a first date.

The general consensus at the end of our discussion was that most of the guys were unlikely to start a relationship with someone that they’d ended up sleeping with if they met them in a club because their conversation would be very limited before the act took place which would make them unlikely to take the person seriously or trust them. Their worry was that if someone who didn’t even know their surname was happy to sleep with them after a few chat up lines, then how likely was that person to be faithful? They did say that they would consider starting a relationship with someone that they had gone a date with that actually involved a conversation before the sex took place.

Another fellow said, ‘yeah what about what the girl thinks. She might also not be certain that I am relationship material considering the fact that I gave away my goodies on the first date and she might not see me as relationship material’.

See ladies, there are some men out there who care what you think about them also. The ball is not in our court as much as you think it is (fellas don’t kill me but they already know how much power they have over us, they just don’t choose to wield it all the time).

My take on the matter is that, it’s worth waiting before going all the way with someone after the first date because you don’t really know that person. Sex (especially if it’s good) tends to cloud your judgement and it doesn’t allow you to know enough about the persons true colours before deciding whether or not they’re right for you. Of course the counter argument to that is that some people are very good at hiding their intentions.
Ladies, if a man sees you as relationship material, he is willing to wait until you are ready before you both make that next step.

Photo Credit: Dreamstime | Michael Zhang

111 Comments

  1. Mary

    February 2, 2015 at 9:10 pm

    Okay, the only thing I noticed is the girl’s hair. Hair so lifeless, you need Castor Oil and a Hair Therapy treatments, girl. *whew*
    Now I can read the post.

    • Mary

      February 2, 2015 at 9:10 pm

      And Hair Therapy treatments*****

    • Idomagirl

      February 3, 2015 at 12:51 am

      Exactly! Her hair grabbed all my attention. LMAO

    • Breanna

      February 3, 2015 at 1:41 am

      Thought I was the only one that was bothered by it lol the hair has seen better days. So unhealthy looking

    • NAME

      February 3, 2015 at 1:54 am

      HAHAHAHAHAHA! #DEAD!! WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS? HAHAHAHA …TOO FUNNY!!

    • Chinaza

      February 3, 2015 at 2:28 am

      Lol! Same thing. I noticed too.

    • nma

      February 3, 2015 at 7:07 am

      Biko wot kinda hair treatment n where can I get castor oil pleas tell me mary

    • Lee

      February 3, 2015 at 4:20 pm

      You can get (Castor Oil) from Jumia and Konga, or in some stores. As well as hair treatments.

    • jaguarnana

      February 4, 2015 at 10:26 pm

      haha! i died of laughter with this you comment

  2. CoconutPineapple

    February 2, 2015 at 9:10 pm

    This article is pretty common sense.

    If you want a relationship, DONT sleep with a guy on the first date.

    But if u want a fling, knack away.

    • Queen

      February 2, 2015 at 11:45 pm

      Honestly to each their own on this matter. Now I am born-again so I see things differently. However I will relate my own experience based on what happened before I accepted Christ. But do practice this if you’re still single. It could be risky!!

      My hubby who was my then boyfriend and I didn’t live in the same country at the time. Though we had known each other very briefly before we moved to separate countries. Most of our dating was distance, but the very first time we actually got meet face to face, during a holiday visit to see him, we did it! As in like crazy! (Pardon my explicit language)….we got married the following year all the same and are together blessed with a son. Fast forward 5 years, we have been living happy too! So honestly to each their own.

      But truth this, we had developed intimacy via constant communication mostly by phone anyway. So yeah the intimacy was actually established for years b4 the act. So may be it’s also kind of different senerio too

    • Queen

      February 2, 2015 at 11:46 pm

      Do not* I meant to write …..

    • ebony

      February 3, 2015 at 4:14 am

      yup same with me and like queen said to each their own, my boyfriend and i live in different cities, we have been talking for about 6 months, he asked me out but i didn’t say yes over the phone, when we finally met i said yes officially and one thing led to another.

    • Ada

      February 3, 2015 at 4:44 pm

      It was not your first date really! you had dated him over the phone before you guys met!That said, I dated my guy over the phone for about 3 months before we met and when we did, I still closed my leg ofuma ofuma! We have done 9 months now and my legs are still closed. They will soon open shaaaa. But my point is, your case isn’t exactly the same with meeting a guy for the first time and then giving it up!

    • Til

      February 3, 2015 at 1:31 am

      I slept with my husband on the first date. Got married 5 months after. 3 years and 1 baby in. Never been happier in my life. If your man is shallow enough to base his respect or regard for u on the fact that u slept with him on the fist date u probably don’t want to be married to him anyways. It takes two to have sex.

    • D Main Man

      February 3, 2015 at 7:52 am

      I once had a girlfriend on our first meeting at home, she was filled with sex emotions she had told me she always had orgasms…i moved for sex, she said No, i asked her if its because its our first time she said No, that is not bkox of that, and even told me a story of a friend that met a guy and they had sex the first time they met in a closed place and the next 2months they did their TM and white wedding… My advice in this sex thing is dont keep the guy waiting for so long…even if you keep the Vijay away for 9months or 12months, PLEASE THERE IS STILL ANOTHER LITMUS TEST TO PERFORM:

    • Bella

      February 3, 2015 at 9:30 am

      I disagree with you my dear, that is a not the end of it all. I know so many people who are married to the women/guys they slept with on the first day, it really comes down to whether you are compatible for each other, love each other, etc etc, you can wait 6 months before you give it up and that is NEVER a guarantee that he/she is a keeper, this can seriously go either way, so at the end of it all, we all do what feels right at the time, each to his own!

  3. Robin Hood

    February 2, 2015 at 9:27 pm

    3 things…………
    1. Speaking from personal experience, I do not recommend this route to any lady. All the girls I had on the first meet, I lost respect for after the act…….. Where is the excitement and drama of the chase that comes before the joy of conquest.

    2. Girls should stop seeing the act of sex as “giving up goodies to a guy”. Don’t the ladies enjoy it as well? Both sexes enjoy tho mutually pleasing act when both are consenting to it. It is this”goodies” mentality that has reduced most Nigerian girls to pay-as- you – go chicks.

    3. Girls should have sex because the first like the guy and secondly, they want to have sex. If things do not work out for the guy and girl, she should not hang her head as though she was used because she wanted it herself. Any girl or guy who has sex with someone they feel nothing for are on the same level as animals. Sex should have value in terms of the bond between guy and girl.

    I have seen it all. And boldly claim the best sex is with a person whose affections you
    fight to win and not purchase.

  4. funmilola

    February 2, 2015 at 9:31 pm

    Wait ooo,I thought sleeping with a guy on the first date is a western thing like we see in American movies…..is it common here in naija?sounds strange to me sha

    • Gee

      February 3, 2015 at 2:46 am

      @Funmi, Have u been on a long retreat in the wilderness?

    • Bella

      February 3, 2015 at 9:31 am

      ok so you are living under a rock abi? mtschewwww – please go show your ignorance elsewhere!

    • MC

      February 3, 2015 at 2:14 pm

      HAHAHAHAHAH HA HA HA Nigerians pretending that sex isn’t what keeps the country moving.
      You can’t get a degree without a lecturer propositioning you.
      Heck, you probably can’t get into or remain in uni if not for the older man that gives you money in exchange for sex…it’s okay though, because you’ll dump him when your degree is completed.
      You can’t get a job without somebody asking for sex before hand,
      Unemployment so high people are now calling ‘prostitution’ “runs”
      You get a job and your boss asks you for sex.
      You’re single now so it’s okay to sleep with a married man because he knows how to treat you and the guys your age are not settled,
      “Time now isn’t on your side” so you have 2-3 partners in order for you to decide which one to marry or which one will propose to you first.
      Your husband cheats on you (and you are advised to put condoms in his wallet and car).

      Oh oh! but not to forget….everybody is still a virgin.

      …Mention of sex on the first date and all of a sudden Sex is a taboo and nobody in Nigeria is engaging in it (besides the ones that happened to marry the person they slept with on the first date )Hmmmm

  5. heyhey

    February 2, 2015 at 9:33 pm

    well like coconutpineapple said. its pretty much common sense. however dont we find it hypocritical how some people are pro sleep with the guy if u are feeling him on the first date or whatever. however when they are asked their body count they get ashamed. they either lie or choose not to spill. if u are a whore please own it. if u are a casual sleep around lady please own it too. if u are a virgin sister own it. where ever you stand its important you own it. no need to be ashamed of your decisions. after all no one forced you

    • tish

      February 2, 2015 at 9:59 pm

      Easier said ( abi written) than done. Own it, own it, how easy is it to own what you are ashamed of? There are many decisions, unforced, that one ends up regretting. Yeah, it’s common sense I agree, but if we all applied common sense when necessary, we would have perfect lives now. It’s just human nature to slip, and hopefully get back up again.

    • Tosin

      February 2, 2015 at 11:35 pm

      owning it! 😀

    • Chinaza

      February 3, 2015 at 2:31 am

      Owning what category though?

    • MC

      February 3, 2015 at 1:53 pm

      I dont think it’s a case of them (well not all )being ashamed. It just simply isn’t anybody’s business.
      Personally, I wouldn’t disclose (unless I choose to without being asked) such info, whether my “count” is 1, 6 or 30. It simply isn’t anybody’s business! They gain nothing from that information.
      Anyway…my point is it may not be shame why these women keep quiet.

    • Diuto

      February 6, 2015 at 8:58 pm

      Yeah if u r a male ashewo own up. Its a 2 way thingy

  6. Cindy

    February 2, 2015 at 9:40 pm

    I think in this day and age, dynamics of relationships have changed. I have a few girlfriends who gave the cookie away on their 1st dates and are now married to the same guys. On the otherhand, I’ve done the whole 90 day waiting period of Steve Harvey’s and I’m still single.

    *shrug* There is no formula for these things. just live responsibly and Do YOu!!!

    • we

      February 3, 2015 at 12:24 am

      True….my ex had sex with his girlfriend then on their first date,now they are married with two kids….

    • Perez

      February 3, 2015 at 2:50 am

      How u take Sabi this information about your ex sleeping with his girlfriend on their first day. 🙂

    • Mayowa

      February 3, 2015 at 8:25 am

      That he had sex with her on the 1st date and married her doesn’t make it acceptable, doesn’t mean she was perfect for him, it also doesn’t mean she was better than you. I think these days people think if you’re married, you’ve automatically won. A lot of guy’s marry ladies these days, not because they’re decent or they’re the perfect match. I mean I know a guy that proposed to his girlfriend of 6 months, not because he loves her, just to spite his ex of 4 years. Some guys get married because time and age isn’t on their side, etc, different factors. It is not always love. For those that’ll translate a guy sleeping with a girl on a first date and marrying her, to it being acceptable, to him being in love with her and meeting the one; would have to re-evaluate. That a guy married a girl he had sex with on the first date doesn’t make it right, and it definitely doesn’t mean he loves the girl. At times, as ladies we can be so illogical (not solely on this post, just generally speaking), use a couple of scenario to judge an entire topic. Please let’s get real. I also can’t stand people that advise other people to do something odd and unusual, something that might not end well; just cause it worked for them.

    • we

      March 11, 2015 at 4:03 pm

      Perez,i knew becos he told me(we were that close then)…..now this is it,yes e pain me say after how many month of dating they got married while I didn’t get the ring but then I know better now…..i would nvr change place with the lady now!

    • we

      March 11, 2015 at 4:04 pm

      *Trade places*

    • Ada eji eje mba

      February 3, 2015 at 3:25 am

      My aunty played lottery and won money, so I should play too abi and keep losing?
      You ppl are funny, for everyone who has a friend who is married to her man she slept with on the first date, I can tell you 100 who aren’t!

      Why count 90? Why do it at all?
      Will anyone die if you don’t?

      That’s what’s clouding many ladies in confused relationships. They sleep with the man every day for 7 years till light bulb shines. He now decides he doesn’t want, finds Suzy next month, dates her for 2 months WITHOUT sex and proposes! Point is even the most randy man when he spots a golden treasure will try hard and respect whatever decision you place on your body. The wrong one will walk away and if he does, then too bad.

      Stop gambling and losing money because Tope, Ada and Halima won money!!

      Because of 2 hrs sweet talk, ppl think say na Hollywood, “take me now” abi?

      By the way it’s not even about just being married but being happily married and staying married!!
      Let’s not even talk about those who don’t know you can get genital warts even with a condom or the many who use plan B as contraceptive!! I weep!

    • bee

      February 4, 2015 at 11:00 pm

      I am glad there are people like you and Mayowa out there,there is hope for our generation!!!#whew#

  7. hawttalkwithtosan.blogspot.ca

    February 2, 2015 at 9:48 pm

    What will be will be. Things may work out either way.

  8. aadey

    February 2, 2015 at 9:56 pm

    Whether u do it on d 1st date or u do it after d 16th date, a man that will respect and cherish you will anytime. I think its just better for both parties to understand and agree on what they are doing together. Cindy has said it all. There is no formular for ds things. Just do the right thing and be responsible. What’s worked for Ms A may not work for U!

  9. Tickled.

    February 2, 2015 at 9:58 pm

    WHERE is all her hair !?!?!?!

  10. Gap

    February 2, 2015 at 10:03 pm

    @mary lol. Biko leave the girl’s hair,can’t you see she is kissing.

    • Bleed Blue

      February 3, 2015 at 8:42 am

      Gap you’re hilarious! Hahahahaha!!!!! That she is kissing is the main issue abi?

  11. bruno

    February 2, 2015 at 10:08 pm

    the comment section is full of fornicators. tufia.LMFAO

    I believe sex is best enjoyed when you are in love with that person and that person is in love with you also.

    but if u have an itch, scratch it. nobody should judge you.

    having sex on the first date makes you look like a whore. making him or her wait makes you look classy.

    I swear these things are just tricky, if he or she is the one, it will all work out in the end. whether u have sex on the first date or on the 10th date.

    • Tuu

      February 3, 2015 at 7:49 am

      “the comment section is full of fornicators. tufia.LMFAO”
      .LMFAO* Kai I’m in stitches, Bruno abeg leave me alone, I dont have power to laugh this morning.

    • Jules

      February 3, 2015 at 10:11 am

      Bruno i support you on this one… You dont think like an average Nigerian..

  12. SOLO ACT

    February 2, 2015 at 10:22 pm

    only prostitutes have sex on the first date. and that includes man or woman. when its all said and done a relationship is not all about sex. when you get older you lose your drive. you need to connect on a deeper level.

    • Violet's Mommy

      February 3, 2015 at 12:53 am

      Wow @ your comment! Who are you to judge anyone? What people choose to do or not do on the first date should not be determined by you! I have a friend who is the definition of a good girl and I say that with all honesty because we have been friends our whole lives. She met this guy and went insane… Completely bonkers over this guy! They met and spoke on the phone for about a week before they went on the first date. I was shocked and afraid for her when she said she slept with him. But Lo and behold, today, she is married to him and has two beautiful kids!!! So my dear, my friend is no prostitute. *sipping on my tea*

    • SOLO ACT

      February 3, 2015 at 9:50 am

      yes your friend is loose! who cares about marriage. if she had sex with him on the first date imagine how many other guys she has spread her legs to on the first date. plz ladies you complain about men being horrible and “men of nowadays” but you keep on dropping the standards. plz pick up your panties from the floor and stop acting like A DOG IN HEAT. close your legs for atleast 3 dates. get to know the man not his penis.

    • Lee

      February 3, 2015 at 4:28 pm

      That your friend is a decent girl and opened her legs on the first date doesn’t make it right. And that solo’s opinion, deal with it. Some of you forcefully portray anything you do to be right/accepted. Please take several seats.

    • Shandi

      February 3, 2015 at 8:15 am

      Exactly.

    • Bella

      February 3, 2015 at 9:35 am

      you are very judgemental and you need to check your self and take several seats!!

    • Cassie

      February 3, 2015 at 11:26 am

      Habba you have no right to judge mheeen!!!! Having Sex on first date, doesn’t make one a prostitute abeg!!!! nobody holy pass mbok!!!!

    • AAA

      February 3, 2015 at 4:54 pm

      No wonder you are solo…bitter human being! People likeyou turn out to be BH!

  13. BlueEyed

    February 2, 2015 at 10:23 pm

    Well if you go out on a date and it’s solely for sexual reasons, then by all means enjoy, Infact (need I say, use the guy) but if you wanna build something, waiting a little won’t hurt, I mean on a first date I should still be trying to remember your name.

  14. Chinco

    February 2, 2015 at 10:27 pm

    Why should a chic/guy expect a relationship after a one night stand? It is what it is….if it does evolve into one then good…there shouldn’t be any expectations from both parties

  15. Easy n Gentle

    February 2, 2015 at 10:33 pm

    Aimoye girls that would give it up on the first date, see you the next day, and still be telling you to get over yourself, that it was just sex, nothing to it. Most guys I know would start chasing because their egos can’t take it. The point, it’s the lady’s attitude to the sex thing that makes a difference. If your attitude signifies to him that just because he’s had sex with you he’s won, that’s the message he gets and he stops trying… But if you’re like oh boy, it was just fun, most men would go crazy. Case in point,you know how all these senators wanna die there untop of some ‘worldwide’ you think ain’t worth it, because the girl no send. The dynamic changes when the girl starts enjoying the money and doesn’t want to lose senator and senator starts feeling important and she ends up losing him. So if you make sex the victory, that’s what he would see. But if you make having the entire you the victory, that’s what he would see too

    • madman

      February 2, 2015 at 11:53 pm

      I agree with you. A woman’s perspective on sex matters. For many Nigerian women, sex equals marriage. But sex is sweet and meant to be enjoyed with condoms and birth control. Just because you have sex with someone shouldn’t equal marriage.

      But I have to say, as you get to marriageable age you might want to leave this type of relationship.

    • Idomagirl

      February 3, 2015 at 12:53 am

      This makes so much sense.

    • Munir Bello

      February 4, 2015 at 12:03 pm

      Why thank you very much.

    • Shandi

      February 3, 2015 at 8:10 am

      I don’t completely agree with you. Even if a guy has sex with a girl, and she acts like she doesn’t care, it doesn’t mean the guy will chase her. All these rules and points you guys are outlining doesn’t really work in reality. The married woman that said she had sex with her then boyfriend, now husband on the 1st date, it wasn’t exactly a 1st date since they had been dating for years so it doesn’t really count. My point is, if having sex on the first date was ethical, this wouldn’t even be a conversation. Just because some girls have sex on the first date and get married doesn’t mean they are winning or its right. Let me remind you that MANY people get married today, not because they’re in love or the person is the one. So sorry for those that’ll open their legs on the first date and justify it by saying because they know people who did it and it worked for them. You might be disappointed at the end.

    • PACE

      February 3, 2015 at 8:33 am

      You could not have said it any better than you did. Girls will be seen as an object of sex as long as they keep making a big deal out of the cookie like it’s a prize to be won. Technically speaking, women enjoy sex more as they have more nerve cells around their sexual organs than guys do. Guys naturally have less self control and would have sex as often as they have a chance to. Most naija babes believe having sex with a guy Is doing the guy a favor. Hence, the guy should reciprocate the gesture in ways she deems fit. As long as this mentality remains, guys will always have the tendency to misbehave as soon as some ‘action film’ has gone down. Ladies, please pull more weight in other faculties. Show the guy what stuff ur made up of upstairs. Give him the impression you can get someone better without trying too hard and he’ll definitely come begging for more. MoSt importantly, enjoy sex without placing a price tag on it. What’s expensive to Mr A might be cheap to Mr B. Cheap stuffs are seloom placed in high value.

  16. Animal Doctor

    February 2, 2015 at 10:33 pm

    Nothing wrong with it at all

  17. SEEN ALL

    February 2, 2015 at 10:34 pm

    @Tickled She exchange it for sex on a first date ask her again

  18. Avuu

    February 2, 2015 at 10:41 pm

    No one can tell how this thing called mindset works for all.
    My experience was: I met the guy at a friend’s party, talked on the phone for 8 months, went on date after the long phone chat, he tried the first night and it was a NO. The second night I did the do and well…. 14 years and 2 kids later we are still excited about the whole thing.:) Each person’s experience will be different just follow your instinct and give no room for regrets!

  19. Stewie

    February 2, 2015 at 11:03 pm

    If a guy I have been chatting up with on whatsapp, facetime, Skype and all the works fly in from.say New York to Scotland to meet me for the first time, stayed for five days at a hotel and we end up doing it. Does that make me a whore? PS: we got introduced by our parents and we seem to flow well

    • Idomagirl

      February 3, 2015 at 12:54 am

      I think people use the word ‘whore’ too carelessly.

    • Author Unknown

      February 3, 2015 at 4:09 am

      Do you feel like a whore? I doubt your parents introduced you so that you can start shagging anyhow, but what do I know.

  20. Tosin

    February 2, 2015 at 11:32 pm

    Is it the case that men want a woman who is ‘faithful’ ? Just asking, really.

  21. madman

    February 2, 2015 at 11:46 pm

    I’ve had someone wait 3 years only to realize homeboy was impotent. Hence his reason for not wanting to do the do. You have said it all, if a man doesn’t respect you 1st, 2nd, or 3rd date then you can’t do much.

    • BabyDee

      February 3, 2015 at 1:37 am

      Da hell!!!!

      -BabyDee

    • Perez

      February 3, 2015 at 3:14 am

      3 years to find out? How come? I hear people say this and I really don’t get it. U don’t have to have sex with a guy to know if his penis can erect. U guys never kissed or touched each other?

  22. imose

    February 3, 2015 at 12:03 am

    hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

  23. SexyQueen

    February 3, 2015 at 2:17 am

    Sex b4 marriage is a sin! So you v to wait! And don’t give in to d devil!

  24. chi-e-z

    February 3, 2015 at 2:22 am

    All I’m fixin say is that the two people in the picture really have real chemistry. It’s oozing through the pic.

  25. Gee

    February 3, 2015 at 2:43 am

    Have u been on a long retreat in the wilderness?

  26. Wifey

    February 3, 2015 at 5:24 am

    Be truthful to yourself. If you want it on the first date… get it gurl.
    Not everyone is looking for a relationship. Some may just want to release stress. lol.
    For me, I could never.. because some people are crazy .. and it takes a while to notice the crazy in people.

  27. Felicia

    February 3, 2015 at 5:39 am

    I just wrote a post on the same subject a week ago. So many women have made the fatal mistake of sleeping with a man on the first date without considering the consequences. Please check it out, comment, and subscribe. Thank you!

  28. Person

    February 3, 2015 at 5:46 am

    My advice to fellow women is to own your life and actions! Sexuality included! Don’t let the patriarchal society stifle all sense of self. To thine own self, be true. Know what works for you and what doesn’t. If sex on the first date works for you, that’s fine. If it doesn’t, that’s fine also. In other words, DO YOU! As an aside, I have to say my late 20s have been filled with self discoveries. I shudder to think of what would have happened if I had gotten married in my early 20s!

  29. igbe jur

    February 3, 2015 at 7:39 am

    In ur first dating, u got to see each other, it was nt ur intention to have sex with her, is an emotional something, once it come over u, u can’t contra it,

  30. Pamela

    February 3, 2015 at 7:47 am

    Hmmmmmmmm

  31. oj

    February 3, 2015 at 8:03 am

    nobody fears HIV/AIDS these days….

    It’s sad that moral values have diminished and sex is now being seen as ‘scratching that itch’ instead of what it was intended to be: one of the beautiful ways husbands and wives would be able to show genuine love for each other .
    no wonder many commenters were saying the other day not to tell their men the truth about their body count. no wonder there are more cases of infidelity and divorce rates are very high. if u don’t cultivate self-control when u’re single, how would u when u are married?

    I shudder to think of the moral values the next generation would have.

    • Person

      February 3, 2015 at 10:42 am

      Which stupid next generation? Don’t we all have photos of aunties and mothers with their bulging pregnant selves? Were they impregnated by the Holy Sprit a la virgin Mary? Abegiii, leave story for tortoise and let the ‘future generation’ breathe! To reference your so called morals, you are referencing the depraved generation of our parents where having 6 wives was considered normal. smh.

    • oj

      February 3, 2015 at 3:04 pm

      @person, u only thought about those ur aunties and mothers with bulging belles, abi? (I’m assuming u mean bulging belles before marriage). I have female relations who slept around and got pregnant before marriage, but does that make such a way right? does that mean I should open my legs for any guy I feel attracted to just because my aunts did so? I have seen how life turned out for them and I don’t want to turn out that way. I’ll rather suffer for doing what is right than suffer for doing what is wrong.

      Accept it or not, morals celebrated now are disgusting and God-dishonoring. It would be a real shame if u’re someone claiming to be a Christian and u’re in support of this. If u’re a ‘Christian’, do not forget that those who practice such things WILL NOT inherit God’s Kingdom. Once saved is not always saved if u continue to deliberately do what is wrong.

      if u’re not a Christian, then do whatever u like. but know this; WHAT IS WRONG IS WRONG no matter how u glorify it, and whether u acknowledge God’s existence or not, u are accountable to Him.

  32. Esemeje

    February 3, 2015 at 10:14 am

    why have we become so sex oriented? For this reason and many others (usually outside the principles of God) we have gotten ourselves into problems with marriages, relationships etc.i want to have a good time, filled with fun and laughter with someone on a date, whether its the 1st time or the 100th time and sex should never b a criteria/defining factor for that. We would be a better generation if we hold on to God’s principles. Are there times we may default? Yes, that doesnt automatically convert it into something acceptable or right!

  33. whatever

    February 3, 2015 at 10:26 am

    Sexmis too serious to me to give it to a guy on the first date. im sorry but if you are that horny you can look elsewhere. Iv had guys ask me out and away when i turn them down bout sex (by the way i believe in no sex before marriage) how do i know u aint just there for the sex?
    im not brazen enough to have unattached sex with a guy. i just have to kiss you to have my emotions involved not to talk of sex. what if he leaves after the sex and im here getting all emotional? i dont have time abeg.
    to each his own

    • whatever

      February 3, 2015 at 10:28 am

      * Sex is

  34. chidinma

    February 3, 2015 at 10:45 am

    God bless you Oj. Most of 5 he comments here disgust me. No more fear of God in this nasty generation. Sex outside wed lock is nothing to ever be proud of. You do not own your body.

  35. Noms

    February 3, 2015 at 12:36 pm

    SEX is between married couples. Anything outside this shouldn’t be a debate.
    Okay, People slip, yes, but take it to Jesus and if you don’t believe in Jesus, take it to whoever you believe in and if you don’t even see anything wrong in what you have done, good for you.
    Who you are is who you are and the truth is you can be a better you only f you wan.
    @Queen, began are comment with-
    “Honestly to each their own on this matter. Now I am born-again so I see things differently. However I will relate my own experience based on what happened before I accepted Christ. But do practice this if you’re still single. It could be risky!!” now that she is born again she knows its wrong.
    We should all Strive to do the right thing, when God sees our hearts HE will help us. Self-Control is not beans na only the Holy Spirit and a willing heart fit help us.

  36. Fre

    February 3, 2015 at 12:44 pm

    Haven’t even read, not sure I have the time to, but I NEED to comment on that HAIR on the girl’s head.
    Wooooww.

  37. ifepe nnennia

    February 3, 2015 at 1:31 pm

    A married friend once told me,why rush into something that you will do and get tired of.she was simply telling me that sex is worth waiting for,its sacred and the truth is by the time you get married you will find out that there re other responsibilites that may preoccupy your mind.I remeber while growing up we hide to makeup but right now I get tired of making up sometimes.sex is worth waiting for.when it comes to the issue of self control,the holyspirit is there to help us if we allow him

  38. Theresa

    February 3, 2015 at 1:35 pm

    If we call ourselves Christians or Muslims, we will agree that sex before marriage is a sin. If we commit it, it is not meant to be celebrated or encouraged. This is because sin has implications that affect not just the parties involved, but others.

    I hope young ladies and men reject this culture of today that glamorizes pre-marital and extr-marital sex. It destroys our relationship with God, with ourselves (regrets, disappointment, diseases, unplanned pregnancy, etc) and our relationship with others.
    It’s not worth it!

  39. AshabiOS

    February 3, 2015 at 1:55 pm

    pop the cherry!give the cookie or even fry the cookie!!! sometimes when we use such words to describe sex when it comes to ladies we tend to forget the importance and the sacred nature of sex between a man and a woman……so much conformity with the standard of the world today!! ladies ladies please what has happened to your purity and virginity before marriage….oga oo sex on a first date or even before marriage thats a no no

    nobody holy pass but we can strive to keep our bodies in check!

  40. Bandele

    February 3, 2015 at 2:27 pm

    Lets be honest and call a spade a spade ; if you sleep with a guy on the first day you physically meet him, then you’re a slut. Now, there’s nothing wrong with being a slut, however don’t expect anything tangible to come from that relationship. It might end up in marriage like some have posited, but when did marriage become the ALMIGHTY BE ALL and END ALL of relationships. Marriage is just a means not an end in itself. Many people are merely tolerating themselves all in the name if marriage.
    Now I accept that there could be many different permutations of “meeting for the first time”.. in these days of social media the lines are blurred as to what “meeting for the first time” really is. These tools have lured many folks into a false sense of familiarity such that having sex on the first physical meet doesn’t feel like such a big deal or makes them feel less slutty. Sorry, you’re still a slut. There’s no way you can justify opening your legs to someone you’ve just physically met. Without seeking to judge, I personally couldn’t imagine myself taking anyone that gives up the vag on the first day seriously, less still introducing them to the family and marrying them. Well that’s just me. Maybe I still live in the dark ages…

    • Gold digger

      February 3, 2015 at 4:22 pm

      Yes, I totally agree, let us call a spade a spade. If a girl sleeps with a guy on the first day she met him, she is a slut…… but what do we call the guy that slept with the girl on the first day? A prince or a god. The most important part of it all, what do we call you that made such statement? Ignorant or just plain stupid.

    • anonymous

      February 20, 2015 at 7:37 am

      He is really stupid…..pple jst seem to blame d girls only what of d so called guys in question who also sleeps with a girl on d first date…….abeg pls do not judge anyone…to each his own. What works for A may not work for B so y’all criticising pple should take several seats.

    • nikky

      February 3, 2015 at 5:20 pm

      You are coming at this topic from a place of privilege in the patriarchal society that you live in.
      Calling a woman a slut because she has no reservations about expressing her sexuality the way she sees fit is just degrading. you cannot sugar coat your misogynist view by adding that patronizing “there is nothing wrong with being a slut”. This said slut did not have sex by herself on that first date. she f***ed a guy right?
      Why should there be a need for her to justify opening her legs to anyone? if she is fine with opening them then that is who she is, which is not a slut, but a woman that enjoys sex.
      Don’t insult women by calling them sluts because you don’t agree with their sexual behavior.

      people need to understand that human beings enjoy sex. men and women alike. If you are religious, that principle could guide your sexual behavior if you are not, whatever moral views you have will equally guide your sexual behavior. Just be safe and respectful.

    • MC

      February 3, 2015 at 7:40 pm

      Justify to??????

  41. ty

    February 3, 2015 at 2:52 pm

    Some of the comments here are downright scary! If sex is not a big deal, why do most men and women feel hurt when their spouses/partners cheat on them? Sex is a big deal! If you’re single and you’re reading this, especially if you’re a practicing Christian or Muslim, please understand that sex is sacred. Don’t be fooled. It is possible to have a relationship that leads to marriage without sex. My husband and I never had sex before we got married. It was not easy, the hormones were raging, but God saw us through, and I must add for what it is worth that we absolutely love having sex with each other and the feeling is just amazing. Now I truly understand why God made sex for marriage. If you have been engaging in pre-marital sex, it is never too late to stop and try it God’s way, I assure you that you will be better for it.
    A lot of people are abstaining from pre-marital sex so you won’t be the only one abstaining. The fact that so many people are engaging in such does not make it right.
    May God help us all.

  42. Gold digger

    February 3, 2015 at 4:24 pm

    Yes, I totally agree, let us call a spade a spade. If a girl sleeps with a guy on the first day she met him, she is a slut…… but what do we call the guy that slept with the girl on the first day? A prince or a god. The most important part of it all, what do we call you that made such statement? Ignorant or just plain stupid.

  43. Bandele

    February 3, 2015 at 5:14 pm

    He’s probably a slut too but I believe the debate was about how A GUY will view such a girl .. hence my conclusion. But lets be honest and use our spade again. If you think our society holds men and women to the same standards then you are thoroughly naive or maybe just plain stupid as you termed me. Men hunt, women protect their goods. Has been that way for ever, its not gonna stop in 2015. Anyone who fails in their roles is the loser. Doesn’t sound nice but that’s the honest truth…

    • Gold digger

      February 3, 2015 at 6:17 pm

      I wish you could even be more truthful to yourself. I wonder what you think makes up a society? Of course it will never hold men to the same standards as women because people like you still exist.. Men hunt and women protect their goods? Do i need to say more, you just proved again how narrow minded you are. My dear, i don’t know what gender you fall under but you better pick one of the two roles you just mentioned and get on with it,

    • Gold digger

      February 3, 2015 at 6:25 pm

      @ bandele, I wish you could even be more truthful to yourself. I wonder what you think makes up a society? Of course it will never hold men to the same standards as women because people like you still exist.. Men hunt and women protect their goods? Do i need to say more, you just proved again how narrow minded you are. My dear, i don’t know what gender you fall under but you better pick one of the two roles you just mentioned and get on with it,

  44. Ghostmode

    February 3, 2015 at 8:54 pm

    This whole sex issue is so so over rated! never had to do it on the first date but as someone who is so far from perfect its not in my place to judge.

  45. Arin

    February 4, 2015 at 7:56 am

    This girls hair tho., sad sad look. In all this matter that hair is the kinky thing that bothers me. I was like that once , but alas! I see the glory of my hair back! This is what you should do, wash and deep condition every week, Moisturize every morning and night , use coconut oil, olive oil.castro oil etc. We love you.

  46. vien

    February 4, 2015 at 9:09 am

    some girls ghet mind ooo,,,lool ,nt as if am very holy ,buh i managed to date my hubby for close to 2yrs cos we were both V and we dnt wanna offend our creator …..nw am enjoying it anyhow and anyplace i like wit him…….no regrets ……plz evn if u ve done it before ,u dnt ve to cont,close ur legs tight and i bet u,he will respect u more,tho some might run away after u refuse buh ur man will definately find u,and God himself would be happy wit u…2nks

  47. Munir Bello

    February 4, 2015 at 12:07 pm

    You guys are killing me with your comments! Glad you enjoyed the article, some of the views are hilarious!

  48. OluwaChizzy

    February 4, 2015 at 2:53 pm

    The truth is, its different strokes for different folks; I have a frnd dat does this very well and anytime I confront her about it dat its not ladylike……………she always tell me point-blank dat if it is sex d guy wants he shud have it and go instead of toiling with her heart. Most guys will tell u d sweetest things in this world jus to be in the relationship, after having sex with u, dey jus go and start giving u flimsy excuses of been busy and all.

    I had a toaster ever since I was 18 and I was jus friend-zoning him all dis while not until after many break-up frm guys dat I love so well and I didn’t allow dem have me on the first date oo, dey still broke my heart……I decided to give my long time frnd a chance, he is not based in Nigeria. We got talking and decide to date, he came around during xmas and we had one weekend together after a very long disturbance of sex and all. we finally had sex and it wasn’t jus flowing at all bcos d sex dat was meant to be fun and sweet was all painful………..Imagine how long I have waited for him. So I see nothing bad in having sex on the first date

  49. nwanyi na aga aga

    February 4, 2015 at 6:46 pm

    My own analysis is like this one article about men respecting women who kept themselves came up one day – 98% of bellanaijarians disagreed with the woman, ok. Another movie about body count came – 99.9% of bellanaijarians decided that men can not handle the truth and advised that one should only confess to Jesus and keep the number at a minimum of 3-ok, Now this article has come again, about 70% are saying it doesnt matter sleep on, do you, My question is after doing you and sleeping with all these people on the first date, will you own you? or will you own our sacred number of 3? I think that is the answer to our dilemma, If you can own you,biko do you, but if you can not own you can you tell us why? its life its a learning process, lets learn.

  50. Spicey

    February 5, 2015 at 12:55 pm

    The issue is, ladies especially needs to apply some wisdom to whatever they do. Don’t get carried away by his physiques on a first date and before you know it, you start thinking with your cookies and not your head…. Shuo!! Yes! guys this days from the day they said ‘hello” to you wanna try their luck to know if you’ll give in for sex the next day. It”s so rampant this days but as a lady you should let your (No) have stand to avoid some stories that touches the heart….Great topic though!

  51. Toofru

    February 6, 2015 at 5:32 pm

    That you eventually get married to him/her and have kids doesn’t make it right. Truth be told, we may never hear personal struggles such couples have to endure forever- trust issues for example. For me, trust is the foundation for sustained love. In the absence of trust marriage is just cohabiting and coexisting (perhaps for the children’s sake). That said, it’s best to exercise self control and not do things just because you feel like. Many times I feel like giving my boss a piece of my mind (with a slap for emphasis). But then I know its a feeling I must NEVER indulge!

  52. Dennis Slymm

    February 7, 2015 at 9:31 pm

    do as you wish, we all have different perceptions esp when it comes to sex issues.

  53. pearl

    February 27, 2015 at 8:20 pm

    Close ur leg

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