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Femi Jacobs Says ‘Nobody is telling our married men the truth. The pressure is always on the women’

BellaNaija.com

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Femi JacobsNollywood actor Femi Jacobs, who celebrated his birthday a few days ago, took a minute on Twitter this morning to express his views about marital vows and how people – both men and women – are treated by society.

He wrote:

1 2 3

Do you agree?

64 Comments

  1. Mo

    May 13, 2015 at 12:48 pm

    God Bless you! Societies need to hold men up to a higher standard, instead of making excuses like ‘that’s how men are’ or ‘boys will be boys’ as if no o they are dogs that can’t control their urges! I’ve even heard women say these things. We need to raise our standards and teach boys how to be responsible adults. Women should also say no to boys in form of yeye men.

    • her

      May 13, 2015 at 3:27 pm

      Thank you mo,I was thinking about this same thing 2days ago.Men have been reduced to animals to extent the worst behavior is always expected infact it is a norm.

    • hawttalkwithtosan.blogspot.ca

      May 13, 2015 at 8:48 pm

      Unfortunately no amount of preaching will change the men folk. It is what it is. It’s left for a woman to decide what she will tolerate from a man.

    • Anonymous

      May 14, 2015 at 1:02 pm

      you need to build your self esteem. it is NOT and NEVER OK to accept cheating as the norm

  2. jaay

    May 13, 2015 at 12:51 pm

    couldn’t agree more

  3. bruno

    May 13, 2015 at 12:54 pm

    who upset this one?

    • Nkechi J

      May 13, 2015 at 3:43 pm

      Clearly he’s talking to you, ode! Does he need to be offended to state facts? The problem with our nation, childishness, foolishness, and buffoonery

    • Smh

      May 14, 2015 at 4:45 pm

      I wonder why you hate women so much and anyone that speaks out for us. Its actually scary that you can hate women so much when you were born of a woman. Everytime someone is hurt because they were dumped or we are bitter, now a man has said it too youre saying hes hurt. You sir are one sick individual. Get help asap. Women are not the cause of your woes or hardships as a homosexual in Nigeria sorry.

  4. Bella

    May 13, 2015 at 1:00 pm

    Preach!

  5. bimpe

    May 13, 2015 at 1:03 pm

    GBAM!!!!!

  6. Mercy Vera

    May 13, 2015 at 1:05 pm

    I totally agree with him. Lets check both sides, not just women all the time.

  7. iyke

    May 13, 2015 at 1:05 pm

    My view on this will not be popular but that’s the reality.
    Blame it on the Coolidge effect! In a letter to his then friend Sigmund Freud,Carl Jung (Those of you who did personality assement tests…chevron,mobile or any global org,must hv heard this name) wrote …..’The prerequisite for a good marriage,it seems to me,is the licence to be unfaithful’ (Jan 30,1910)…..Sad but true!Variety and change are the necessary spice of the sex life of the male species.That is a man’s inner reality.
    Is it good on the woman?NO!Like the write suggested,it’s a choice that a man has to take, to either control himself or mess up his home.
    To add,let there be a consequencies for the philandering man…let the state protect the woman and institute a legal framework that will make a man pay dearly for cheating/philandering and causing untold emotional stress to the woman.And should they divorce,let the man loose his kids and also half of his properties.
    Trust me,laws like this will make Nigerian men sit up!

    • Ada Nnewi

      May 13, 2015 at 1:55 pm

      And they told you women don’t like variety…what rubbish! …the problem is men think they are all that. Someone who is not even screwing his wife right still has the audacity to cheat…If your wife has not been driven to the point where she forgets her name during “play-play” and you feel you should have the license to variety without consequences then you should please give her the same license as you’re slacking in your duties…

    • iyke

      May 13, 2015 at 3:33 pm

      It’s ok to vent Ada ….I completely understand and I also share in your pains. Honest and decent women don’t deserve to go through issues of infidelity et al. And NO, men don’t think they are all that, rather, it’s who they are. Testosterone ….Hello!
      The sole reason why a man exists is to procreate and provide for his offshoot. A man in his lifetime has more than 60bilion sperm cells to procreate with. Do you honestly believe that you will be the only recipient of his sperm in his lifetime,even while married? No!That was why the church kinda brought a check on man’s philandering through marriage. But has that stopped even with the vows? Your guess is as good as mine.
      This is where good values/choices come in. Every man is likely to, have the tendency to or have cheated in a course of his relationship/marriage. Only a man with good values and one who has taken the honest decision not to cheat, will resist the temptation. And with serious consequences for philandering implemented by the state,there will be a reduction in this misbehavior.
      Finally I will trust a woman NOT to cheat,(and explore reasons if/why she cheats) but won’t trust a man not to cheat.
      #myopinion#notjustifyingcheating#keepingitreal

    • gia

      May 14, 2015 at 10:07 am

      “the problem is men think they are all that. Someone who is not even screwing his wife right still has the audacity to cheat…”

      lmao!!!!!!

    • Di

      May 15, 2015 at 3:16 am

      @ Iyke your analogy is just jargon. Every woman has 400-500 eggs in her lifetime, each bigger in mass than sperms and have 6 to 7 million oocytes (egg cells) each, now do the math. Should women now wonder why they should waste 3.5 billion of that on one man, one marriage? All the vast cells in a brain yet do humans optimize them? Don’t get me started with body cells.
      So from your analogy, you think sex is mainly for procreation only??? When I participate in forums studying the art and science behind sex, it has nothing to do with procreation. Ha..typical African man’s limited thinking.

      Women love change and variety too but self-absorbed men refuse to acknowledge while women are carefully taking care of their business. The only reason you refuse to include women in that statement of yours is because the women around you (Nigerians) are sexually inhibited by environment when compared to other Western women. So don’t get it twisted, all humans are equally into the oooohhs and aaaaahhs, trying to reach that height. I see good number of married women here in US being sleek, are their vaginas different from those of married Women in Nigeria??! Nigerian women constrain themselves because they know the consequences; if they can control themselves, the men can too.
      And am not pained, don’t try to console me.
      Peace.

    • Di

      May 15, 2015 at 3:53 am

      @Iyke: No heat , no pressure but I also believe God who is infinite wise and created man’s sexual organs intended it to be for one woman otherwise he would have knocked all the ribs off Adam and created 10 Eves or something to multiply earth. He would have asked Noah to get one male animal and 5 female animals into that ark. Christ said a woman can divorce if the husband was unfaithful. So no, it wasn’t just the church, even God who created and structured all this clearly intended it to be a man to a woman. It’s man and the society it ruled that created cheating and polygamy to feed a man’s greed for sex. Like excuses are made for wars that clearly feeds a men’s greed for wealth and power. Now if society turn around and encourage a woman’s greed for sexual gratification, no slut shaming, do you think women will just smile and nicely decline??! Society was encouraging this in men since year 0001 but the tables are slowly turning.

    • Nahum

      May 13, 2015 at 2:27 pm

      I agree with you, divorce laws are too weak and therefore, men dont have to face any consequences for philandering. They can get away with cheating on their wives and still kick her out of the house and take her children from her. If men had to lose their kids, their homes and half of their money, I truly believe that we will see some changes. I agree with your statement. Only the law can force men to be faithful now

    • doxa

      May 13, 2015 at 10:21 pm

      Who are the people that will instate these laws? Is it the Senators and Honourables that we know? The ones we know o, that cheat on their wives with girls who can be their daughters. You now want them to vote in laws that will bite them later. You will grow Metuselah bear-bear while waiting. You sha know that the women in both houses are minority (number).
      Forget that divorce law something for now, women need to find a ‘home-made’ remedy for this epidemic.

    • Bleed Blue

      May 13, 2015 at 2:41 pm

      “good marriage” AND “unfaithful” …… That’s an oxymoron if I ever saw one..

    • Daks

      May 13, 2015 at 5:29 pm

      You sir, are an idiot.

    • iyke

      May 13, 2015 at 10:37 pm

      You Ma, is exactly what is wrong with the world…I made my points … you threw insults rather than countering my views.Let’s hear your views….nobody got time for name calling!

    • janedoe

      May 13, 2015 at 8:20 pm

      Nicely said though I feel that we might see a spike in unexplained deaths(of wives) as some evil men may kill their wives before she gets he day in court..

    • hawttalkwithtosan.blogspot.ca

      May 13, 2015 at 8:53 pm

      ’The prerequisite for a good marriage,it seems to me,is the licence to be unfaithful’ (Jan 30,1910)…..Sad but true!Variety and change are the necessary spice of the sex life of the male species.That is a man’s inner reality. Urm I agreed until you said – That is a man’s inner reality. O you think women do not want variety as well buhahahahaha. Truth be told we want it too but chose not to stray because we made commitments. Another think that deters women is the societal expectations that MEN have put in place. When women stray they are dogs, when men do they are men.

    • Anna

      May 14, 2015 at 12:51 pm

      My only question is, the guy that posted the twitter points, does he not suffer from this ‘inner reality’ syndrome.. does he have two heads?

  8. Kadara

    May 13, 2015 at 1:12 pm

    Good to know we still have responsible men. Please tell them oh, bunch of overgrown babies who never take responsibilities for anything! Unrepentant cheats!!!

  9. Ladybird93

    May 13, 2015 at 1:23 pm

    You sir…… are correct!!!!!!!

  10. Dorys

    May 13, 2015 at 1:28 pm

    Yeah. They always blame it on the women

  11. wen

    May 13, 2015 at 1:30 pm

    The sleeping with infants got me……a family friend of about 46 told me his sidechick is 19yrs and he didnt know until later cos she was on. The Big side(doubt that much though) and then after you know nko,u still continued……another in his late forties said he can’t have side chick’s that is less than 30 but actually dated a 27 becos she’s almost 30…

    • Ada Nnewi

      May 13, 2015 at 1:57 pm

      Lol @ almost 30

  12. tee (Random)

    May 13, 2015 at 1:45 pm

    Hi bellanaija, (A bit off topic)
    Do you mind making a post about “Does size matter?” on this site. would be interesting to see the opinoins of Bellanaija women.

    Here is a link of what i mean – youtube.com/watch?v=QpYGdcQe01s

    • tee (Random)

      May 13, 2015 at 1:48 pm

      *opinions

  13. gbam

    May 13, 2015 at 1:49 pm

    i support 100% , some men are so stupid , treating their wife like shes a girlfriend begging for his attention, they put unnecessary worth on themselves . why marry if you cannot take care of your wife , why put your wife through misery? is it a crime that she left her enviable single life to share the rest of her life with you?, why cant married men hang out with their wives ehhnnn !!!!! they want to frolick with every young girl they see !! stupid Men ! idiot!! Mschew! .When i marry i must pray hard because i do not want to leave my wonderful single life to enter life of misery with another human being!!

  14. mamamia!!!

    May 13, 2015 at 2:04 pm

    My new found love after Ramsey…. Such a great actor…

  15. ABOOKS RICH

    May 13, 2015 at 2:20 pm

    for me i think the pressure is always on the husband and wife. it is just mutual understanding that will make things work between them so as to keep peace reigning in the home.

  16. Shut it yall

    May 13, 2015 at 2:36 pm

    shut it you all, i said shut it.

    Would you prefer the men stop marrying you, be single and can do all the sampling he wanna do?

    No be you dey force d men to marry you? You all know what you have done to get that man to marry you. Leave the mEN alone let them enjoy demselves. If you can remain a gf, fine, if not, waka pass jo.

    As for d ranter, kontinu ranting. I know your style, to get the women on your side ba? None of dem will sleep with you if dats your strategy. I know you and all your sexcapades

    • southernbelle

      May 13, 2015 at 2:57 pm

      Human beings will drop comments Animal will still drop. gosiloh jor

    • kontinu

      May 13, 2015 at 3:06 pm

      na animal dey recognize animal
      na u be d she goat wey wan poison oshiomole’s new wife
      enemies from within
      osho cant marry your type
      deal with it
      bitter somebody

    • mira

      May 13, 2015 at 3:09 pm

      He’s not talking to you cos u are still a boy. He’s talking to a man. Next time maa farabale. You hear me pele

    • Hush

      May 13, 2015 at 3:32 pm

      Pls quit reasoning through ya anus it’s very unhealthy.

    • rose

      May 13, 2015 at 4:00 pm

      gos.h.. the words you have used are absurd and hideous. Reminds me of my baby nephews. Someone needs to put you in a time out corner….

    • Nkechi J

      May 13, 2015 at 4:20 pm

      I know I shouldn’t respond to you, but I just can’t resist. Lord help me!
      First of all if you married because a woman forced you to (don’t matter which your mother or your wife ) well you have to agree that you’re not much of a man to start with.
      Secondly do you have a clue what commitment means? Do you really think married women don’t get chanced down with offers daily?
      Marriage means I commit my life to this one person. Marriage literally is making a choice to be monogamous (hope you understand that).
      Thirdly, what does your word mean to you? If you don’t take your vow/your word serious pls oga how do you expect others to? Am guessing you’re not very successful or you’re a thief. Honest successful men are those whom their word is their bond!
      Moreover what of the self control, oh I forgot I already classified you in point #1 = not a man to begin with. You can’t call yourself a man if you have no self-control; only pubescent 16year olds need multiple partners to justify their manhood!
      My husband chased me all through high school, then asked for my hand in marriage for 6 years, 2 years of which his older cousin was also asking my hand in marriage. He was my choice not out of options, but out of love. Look here loser I don’t know the women around you, but most women I know don’t runaround begging men for marriage.

      Now run along to your mother and suck her boob some more, clearly you have eternal mommy issues and am sorry for the unfortunate woman that will suffer you as a husband.
      P.S. sorry my peeps for this long response, I just needed to school this dimwit!

    • Chairs

      May 13, 2015 at 4:57 pm

      I don’t like internet outbursts, but for you I’d make an exception. You are a dunderhead with no iota of moral values. You think men don’t crave marriage too? If you think so, include naive you the list of mental flaws you have. Silly child.

    • Chairs

      May 13, 2015 at 5:01 pm

      to*

    • BlueEyed

      May 13, 2015 at 6:09 pm

      I agree with some parts of this comment. In as much as not every man should walk down the marriage path, a lot of females should have no business threading that lane too.
      These females and their small minds enter into relationships and confuse a lot of these “boys” to make that marriage commitment with them, a woman who knows what she wants out of life and has worked on herself and understands the sacrifices the Union of marriage can bring will not cajole a “boy” into marriage to please herself and society. You know he is still a boy, u know he has daddy issues yet you’ll be offended when he is not hinting at marriage in the first year of your relationship. Coz he has money in the bank, he is handsome and tall, so therefore he should automatically become a man and take the plunge and marry you. Then you complain about his philandering ways.

    • Ewaen

      May 13, 2015 at 11:32 pm

      oh you deserve a hug, who ever you are.

  17. M&

    May 13, 2015 at 2:50 pm

    ok, how abt wives gets stuck in terrible Lagos traffic some days and don’t get home till like 10pm, Dad gets homes before 7pm and has to wait and wait for Mummy to come home and prep food for everyone, meanwhile he knows there’s food in the fridge! In the words of that little boy…’so exasperating!’ so last weekend I’m feeding the kids and I ask hubby to help me check what’s on fire and reduce the fire if need be…my 3 year old looks at me like I’m out of my mind and she asks me with eyes wide open…”Mummy, can Daddy cook?!!!” I had a good laugh, bcos it doesn’t matter whether the answer is yes or no, all na d same d same!

    • Derry

      May 13, 2015 at 3:23 pm

      Pele dear, I can feel you. Hugs

  18. adams

    May 13, 2015 at 3:08 pm

    lol….sure you achieved your intentions….the girls will like you more….ode

  19. Gift Noje

    May 13, 2015 at 3:14 pm

    yet again,somebody speaks my mind!the universe bless you @ Femi Jacobs.the truth is women can be unfaithful too but they choose not to.society will chastise the hell out of them if they do.but for the men.ah! society glorifies an unfaithful man.he is the hero.and it is really sad.it is as pathetic as the ‘unfaithfuls’ mocking and finding something wrong in a man that doesn’t choose a philandering life.it is sad.it is no sign of heroism at all.it is foolish! foolishness! and until society changes its response to male philandering,nothing will change.just this question:why will anyone think it is acceptable for a man to cheat and not a woman when both are actually humans? in addition,if you know anyone,a man in particular who cheats.do you notice from his words or actions especially to his wife that he will not condone such? #thehypcrisyofmenandsociety!smh!

  20. SIS O

    May 13, 2015 at 3:39 pm

    The issue is not all about philandering alone, its in all aspects, boys are being pampered to the point where we have a lot of baby boys( grown men acting like babies) out there. The pressure is so much on women to excel in academics, work and home. The men we have around these days are some over pampered overgrown babies spoilt by our mother’s and expecting same from their wives . So much irresponsibility’s out there. I beg the next generation of women to please raise the bar in the training of the male child. Stop telling the girl child she is a girl hence the excuse for the slacking of the boys. its sickening . yes my own RANTING

    • rose

      May 13, 2015 at 4:16 pm

      @Sis O… VIRTUAL hug and a NENE ‘ come on somebody’. Ladies these men have not just woken up irresponsible. They were raised irresponsible. With all of my heart, I continue to cry out, that is what we need to start focusing on. How the heck do we ensure we raise tomorrows generation as Worthy men, The typical Nigerian woman is prisoned into the idea of marriage from the age of seven. Through out her teens every accomplishment or behaviour is related to ‘when you get into your husbands house’ , when you have you’re own children. What to cook for you’re mother in law. It isn’t till the age of 16 that a boy is probably told not to get a girl pregnant. Then BANG!!!!! FIREWORKS!!,LIGHTS,CAMERA,ACTION…. at the age of 25, a graduate just starting his professional job his family starts asking “Junior when are you going to get married”!!!!Twenty five years on this earth and not one conversation about how to ensure he becomes a good husband or father. Obviously mummy junior has told him how to find a good wife!! heck mama needs to protect her lineage. But has she ever said to him, Junior get in the kitchen o, I don’t want you to grow up to be a lazy husband. Come and help me iron these shirts, your wife will thank you one day. …………..So at the same time I celebrate the young Naija men who have entered marriage by educating themselves of what it is to be a husband. I celebrate them for at least attempting to be great men, whether it is from books or seminars, because the generation behind them let them down!! ~sorryfortherant

  21. kaycee

    May 13, 2015 at 3:39 pm

    Femi ur opinion suggest dat u r trying to woo women by subjecting to thier emotions. While is good to play dis folly when u r trying to get some action, it is also important u play it subtly. This ur suggestions might have been beta if u were a bit more upfront on telling d ladies reasons why d pressure is on dem and possibly suggest how to curb d pressure, but u went straight for the cliche. Any way is good u gave d ladies sth to make dem feel good about themselves.

  22. me

    May 13, 2015 at 4:12 pm

    God forbid i marry such a baby, but By the time i am done with my son, my husband won’t find any traces of himself in him. This generation of men do not in anyway match this generation of women.

    What pisses me off the most is hearing Aunties and mothers giving very silly excuses about this…… pisses me the he’ll off, your husband has low qualities, should not determine your son’s fate Damn it

  23. polypoly

    May 13, 2015 at 4:27 pm

    Femi – you need serve this tea complete with honey biko……I know one of ur friends must have prompted this outburst. I love everything u said and I agree……but….I wan know who the philanderer was….lol….I too like amebor

  24. Suwa

    May 13, 2015 at 7:00 pm

    Polypoly mai guluma

  25. nene

    May 13, 2015 at 7:24 pm

    femi is a good guy. you can tell by his demeanour, not just by what he has written here. hopefully he finds a good wife too.

  26. The Philosopher

    May 13, 2015 at 7:36 pm

    These days sex occupies too much space on our mental hard drives. With all this talk about sex, when would we find the time and energy (both physical and intellectual) to be agents of change in our world which our generation badly needs?

    Continence/celibacy (in both thought and actions) has its benefits and is not as difficult as we often try to make it seem.

    A lot of physical /intellectual energy and strength is lost in the course of engaging in the sexual act. Even in marriage, where sex is “an entitlement”, we need to indulge in it in moderation. In general, whether single or married, need to abstain from sex a bit more and learn the old school art of self-control so we can effectively contribute our quotas to making the world a better place.

    With all this sex talk, I worry for our generation!

  27. Stoner

    May 14, 2015 at 1:12 am

    The issue is colonization, lmao, wait first, if we weren’t colonized, out fathers will probably have like 7 wives and ish, my dad has 1 wife but 6 kids from 4 different women, who’s he deceiving lol, Nigerian men are made to fuck around, and women are there to raise children, apart from being a victim of my statement, all my uncles, absolutely all, my brother, my male cousins, married ones, all cheat, #standard.

  28. Stoner

    May 14, 2015 at 1:14 am

    Even femi Jacobs knows he’ll get some free shags for making this rhetorical statement, like we don’t know. Come on stop that lol

  29. phummie

    May 14, 2015 at 5:10 pm

    ….Actually the challenge is not in what u men think u can or cannot do. Any dog can sleep with anyone, including women……..the challenge is to stick to one woman and love her in different ways…..Are men MEN enough?

  30. ILovebellaComments

    May 19, 2015 at 3:50 pm

    It’s so easy to blame men always. I agree men cheats and its vice vicer! When woman do it, it’s even worse. Cause it won’t even smell the rat. A beg jor na two way thing. Women are major pretenders. Not generalizing o before I get attacked! It’s just a two way thing it’s not one side sided. Both parties must buckle up stop blaming one party jor!

  31. Tanner

    June 5, 2015 at 2:59 pm

    Ok ladies, I hear all your heated vituperations and I agreed with you that a lorry load of men are dogs. But let us balance this discussion correctly. So I see this long list of women spitting about how men are unfaithful and all that, but let me ask who are these men sleeping with? Women. Ok that thought line is cliche! So lets take it a notch higher. A lorry load of women sleep around when they are single… many with married man because married men are the safer versions. They don’t kiss and tell. They are kinder in bed, don’t treat them like dogs unlike the single men who want to experiment and violate…and damn single men talk. Now this girls who, back in school were bouncing around all over the place, get married and don’t want their husband’s cheating on them. who are deceiving? I bet several women who have spoken here have at some point have in to the pressure of more than one guy on the way to a marriage. The guys you gave into can’t stop doing it because they have discover most women won’t say no. Recently a married woman pointedly ask me to go it with her on a steady. I still haven’t gotten my head out of that place yet. Let me say not all women slept/sleep around and true, there are more women who kept themselves than those who didn’t. However, I implore you to look beyond the men and ask more about the society and systems that created this animal men you complain about. Ask what pornography is doing to their minds. Ask what our rapidly growing naked culture is creating. Ask how TV is influencing his decision making. Better still how the very popular female generalization that ‘men’ will cheat, strenghts those who do and weakens those resolved not to. lets all take a step back and review these issues and deliver a more balanced POV. That said I do not support any male justification for the act of adultery and I back that up with being a man of my words. I have never cheated on my wife either before or after marriage. Ok well, Jesus may counter with what I have done with my mind. But I hope he will forgive me and hopefully you too. My two kobo and one.

  32. Supo

    August 2, 2015 at 9:47 am

    No, it would not. Societies that have such laws have not feared any better, and the idea that taking the children away from man is somehow punishing the man as opposed to the children is uninformed.

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