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Busola Adedire: When Your Profession Becomes a Deal Breaker

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I was in primary school when Lagbaja’s ‘baby ta ni ko fewa’ was the reigning baby boy’s anthem. Thanks to Eko 89.75fm, there was always a mini turn up in my house every morning. Dear Lagbaja, wherever you are… You are a legend! In fact, you are my hero. That song was a jam! *shakes tambourine vigorously*

Back to today’s topic. That song told the story of a man persuading a particular ‘baby girl’ to reject other men based on their profession.This is something I am quite curious about because there are few professions on the list of my deal breakers too – like a pilot. I know you are thinking:’this girl no like better thing’. I do… peace of mind na better thing! Seriously, the way my relationship with anxiety is set up, it is best for my blood pressure if I stayed away from pilots. And no, money is not everything.

Another one will be actors,musicians or anyone cut out for the paparazzi lifestyle. That level of exposure is something I can’t deal with. Besides, such professions are susceptible to unnecessary drama e.g. infidelity, media lies, groupies, and public invasion of private space. I understand that not every celebrity is affected by any of these, but fame generally comes with a price often too heavy to pay.

I don’t mean to knock anyone’s hustle but, actors and actresses are ‘special’ people 😀 . I do respect anyone dating or married to one because it takes a lot of bravery and confidence to watch your significant other in making out sessions, and explicit scenes with another person. Seriously, don’t you worry that they may enjoy the role a little too much and carry on in real life? I will! (See, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are the main reason for my trust issues). I am also reminded of this old movie called ‘Jason’s lyric’ *side eyes Jada Pinkett* and all I could think of while watching this movie was Will Smith’s reaction to some of its scenes. He is probably comfortable with them, but it would worry me what my children think of such roles, and their reaction to them.

A guy once told to me that he could not marry a Nurse because they are promiscuous. Only God knows how we arrive at such conclusions, because the same is assumed for female bankers, especially marketers. Some men are just uncomfortable with the odd closing times in banks. For some people, it would be Doctors because of their busy schedules. Well… if you don’t want to deal with a broke person, you will have to put up with a busy person. Pick your poison!

Military men are also a no-go area for me, and we can blame that on anxiety too 🙁 How do you stay sane knowing your significant other is in a war zone? Or, can you imagine going through a pregnancy phase without emotional support from your significant other? How do you cope? I have massive respect for the wives of military men, and I pray God’s strength and protection over their household. But, it is definitely not my calling!

In a conversation with my elder brother about this topic, he stated frankly that he can’t marry a morgue attendant. In his words, ‘I won’t let anyone cook for me with the hands they’ve used on a dead body’. I think he’s just a little traumatized from the stories he’s heard from his friend who works at the morgue.

Now, let’s talk about unskilled people, illiterates and blue collar workers. It looks like there is an unspoken rule somewhere that says you should not be unequally yoked with people from a different social standing or educational qualifications, and majority of us live by this rule. Truthfully, it would be hard for me to get with an uneducated person, not as a matter of vanity, but because it is too hard to deal with close mindedness. However, to argue ‘all uneducated people are close minded’ against ‘all educated people are open-minded’ is a debate for another day! Even if they were open minded enough, you actually want someone who will inspire your kids towards education not away from it. (does that sound like a vain reason? maybe it is… I can’t think of a better reason 🙁 ) *it’s probably the ‘unspoken rule’ at work*.

A blue collar worker is more tolerable as there are educated people who find themselves in blue collar jobs because life happened. However, most people will be uncomfortable in admitting that their significant other is ‘a cleaner’ for example. Such hesitations occur because of the social stigma attached to those professions. People often say ‘Love is a choice’ which I agree to a large extent but can we say ‘love happens’, professional dealbreakers or not? Then again…for Jason Statham, I might reconsider my dealbreakers 😀

Do share your thoughts on professional dealbreakers in the comment section below.

Photo Credit: Dreamstime | Bryan Creely

22 Comments

  1. Oyinlola

    July 13, 2015 at 8:00 pm

    My ex had an OND (even though he has a very very good job) and I am studying for my degree in the UK after an HND in Nigeria. It didn’t bother me. My parents didn’t mind it as much either, the only issue they had was the close mindedness cos I wanna have my PhD someday and they were worried he might not support it.
    A lot of people don’t have university degrees and they are doing very well, in fact they employ people with all the degrees imaginable. An example is Ladi Delano, who dropped out of the university but now runs a billion-dollar company.
    For me, the important things are we compatible? Does he have a vision? Even though he doesn’t have a uni degree, what has he achieved with his life? Is he supportive of my academic and career ambition?
    I have a friend who’s elder sister is studying for her PhD but the hubby barely finished high school and he’s her greatest cheerleader.
    I understand the fact that it can be quite dicey cos some men begin to feel threatened by their wives’ success but I think understanding is the most important thing. What if he’s a professor in a Federal uni in Nigeria and the wife is a BSc holder who through years of experience is a manager in a multi nationall and she earns way more than her hubby. Would that end the marriage?
    It’s about what works for the couple. Like someone used to tell me ‘marry a man who’s vision is big enough to accommodate yours ‘
    The summary of my epistle is that my professional dealbreaker is a lazy man who’s got no vision and who doesn’t think a woman should attain a particular professional or career height just bcos of ego

    • Ross

      July 14, 2015 at 9:21 am

      ”Like someone used to tell me ‘marry a man who’s vision is big enough to accommodate yours”. Nailed it!!!!!! The thing with this education matter is, even ‘educated’ men don’t always want ambitious women. In Europe, the school system is much broader than it is in Nigeria. So you have school drop outs making it to become billionaires. In Nigeria that can only happen if he/she is from a wealthy/middle class family and is exposed and keeps the company of even more exposed people. Exposure is key because this is what broadens a man’s mind and makes him hunger for more than where he is today and for me this is key. Not necessarily the degrees.

      My ex (MSc Engineer oh) thought living in London was the greatest height any human being could achieve and never wanted to travel with me to Europe to see the greatest cities of the world. This snowballed and affected every other part of our relationship because I was so scared of giving my children a father with a closed mind. A man who had lived in England for all of 10 years but had never been on a tour of London and did not see the necessity of learning of the history of the city for himself, This really freaked me out because it meant that after all those years of living ‘abroad’, he will return to Nigeria an illiterate.
      A man with a curios mind however, and like Oyinlola says, whose dreams are big enough to accommodate mine won’t mind me wanting to conquer the world, as long as I’m not wasting his time and mine. He will support me his woman and lend me his strength to make me sour, because as every wise man knows, a man will only rise as far as he encourages his woman to fly.

  2. interesting

    July 13, 2015 at 8:16 pm

    Seriously anyone who is self-employed is going to be tough! Or that person who does ‘business’ without ever declaring what it actually is. And I should know because I am self employed, minus the ‘business’ part. It really doesn’t matter what the job is, the irregular pay, not knowing where that pay is coming from is tough. Luckily for me my partner has a decent full time job that pays every month on time. Together we make it work, the long time without pay can lead to a big pay off if the job was juicy and so it kind of balances out for both of us but there are no guarantees on my part.

    And really and truly the no education thing isn’t a big factor to me but that could be because I live in London where no education doesn’t always mean no earnings! I do have one up to university level but I think being open minded depends on where you are and the company you keep. Saying that I wont be comfortable if you were the cleaner now and and you were a cleaner say 10 years ago too, I might feel like maybe you haven’t moved upwards and onwards and that could be a problem.

  3. Fabulous B

    July 13, 2015 at 8:41 pm

    I love your comment Oyinlola. So true. Years back, I had list of professions that are deal breaker but now, I’m open minded with a strict mind though. No room for a lazy man.

  4. Anonymous

    July 13, 2015 at 9:07 pm

    I once had a black American friend, whom I had known for many years and who was actually married to a Nigerian girl she met on the job ask me “What is it with your women? You’ll never see a Nigerian woman wanting to marry a policeman, a plumber, mechanic or any man with a not so corporate job.” These are all noble professions that society needs.

  5. ChincoBee

    July 13, 2015 at 9:25 pm

    Busola you spelt it out all well…I feel you shouldn’t force yourself to endure any kinda profession. It’s either you are in or out!!! Usually we draw conclusions from just one premise and it’s sooo bad…

    In all am an HR Executive and I loff my job… Its hard to marry someone who is uneducated. For real cos even if you try to bring yourself to the person’s level, it just won’t click unless the person has some level of education. I praise people that marry soldiers, policemen et al. Them dey try biko

    • Tchyoma

      July 13, 2015 at 10:52 pm

      Hello HR Executive ? Is there any opening for an entry level Health and Safety Officer at your firm? I’m currently studying for a Masters in Environmental health and the PRINCE2 project management qualification? and I am in need of a job. I’m currently in the UK, but will be available to work anywhere in the world by December. I’m looking forward to your reply.
      Thanks
      ?

  6. Naomi

    July 13, 2015 at 11:39 pm

    Pastor…sorry i dont know if that is a profession….the fastest way in Nigeria to wealth and influence. That to me is a recipe for disaster. Couple time is slowly replaced with congregation and counselling hours, while the power and influence can be intoxicating to a new or old marriage. My fren, as soon as you tell me you are a *Pas*or studying in bible school…….I say carry your wahala and go!!!

    • Oyinlola

      July 14, 2015 at 1:20 am

      OMG!!!! You’re a clown, can’t stop laughing. Every malam it his kettle. The same way you’re fervently running frof pastors is the way another chic is praying seriously to marry one. Hope you know that the attention you’ll receive from a pastor might even be more than you’ll get from a business man cos he’ll always be on business trip. Or you marry someone who works with an NGO who has to be everywhere, you go do phone love tire.
      What if you marry an accountant who wakes up tomorrow to tell you God called him. You go waka? Nothing is permanent. As long as you’re happy with your choice of partner, ba wahala.

  7. Anastacia

    July 14, 2015 at 4:47 am

    Hey hey ! Busola I am with you on that for Jason Statham all rules can be broken ??

    • Jealous wife

      July 14, 2015 at 8:23 am

      Can you guys leave my husband alone ??

  8. haha

    July 14, 2015 at 6:38 am

    Hahaha.. all you ladies hv jst mentioned my list… I cnt do those business guys who have irregular pay plus I dnt knw where the money comes from. I also hv that fear of pilots plus watching enough movies nd seeing how promiscuous pilots can be.. hehe.. but a pastor for me is a major deal breaker.. ive known this guy for since I was a kid.. we hv always been friendly… he has always joked around that he will come n pay bride price lol.. he is a nice tall dark nd handsome nd all tht jazz but here is thing.his parents are pastors.. nd he is the first child.. so I always wonder if he will carry on for his folk. Not saying his parents r forcing him because they r pretty cool nd not very conventional but still… is he expected to carry the family legacy… anyway. ..

  9. The real D

    July 14, 2015 at 8:52 am

    Sheldon Adleson Net worth = $36.4 billion,
    Paul Allen Net worth = $16.2 billion
    Larry Ellison Net worth = $52billion
    Bill Gates Net worth = $81.6 billion
    Mark Zuckerberg Net worth = $33.1 billion
    These are names of self made billionaires that, going by the definition of this article are “illiterates” and i can assure you, I am pretty certain these individuals are far from close minded. I don’t get how we equate education to open mindedness. All of the most closed minded people I have come across are actually well educated. For example and MSc holder that does not believe his wife should make more than he does. Actually according to Bloomberg a quarter of self made billionaires in the US are college dropouts. So i say go figure!!! For me though it was Pastor, i am not diplomatic and not at all patient so i can’t be a pastor’s wife. No way!!!!

  10. The real D

    July 14, 2015 at 8:55 am

    BTW Oil tycoon Harold Hamm never did go to college at all, his net worth $20.2 billion.

  11. Psychic

    July 14, 2015 at 10:02 am

    no yahoo boy pls..thanku

  12. Hafsat's Blacksoap, Oils & Butter

    July 14, 2015 at 10:12 am

    My exact thoughts on my way to work this morning!! A couple of years ago, I wanted to introduce a TV gal to my brother. The first question the intermediary asked was how much does my brother earn? My brother graduated from Unilag, engineering course at that. I quickly changed the topic. Even among educated ones, other reasons to de-class and dis-enfranchise still comes up. Our generation is to be pitied for loving based on things that dont matter. If theres financial security and things like genuine fondness, enjoying each other’s company, inability to forgive each other are non-existent nko? Its only in Africa that conditional love exists because of the inherent disparity in education and opportunities in our environment. Our schools are better than each other so, a hardworking and prosperous plumber cant marry a graduate. Thats one of the many reasons many find themselves unmarried. The pool of educated men is kinda small.. And the country keeps getting lopsided in development so it would keep getting worse, The TV gal is still unmarried and I always wonder maybe they would have hit it off…..

  13. MC

    July 14, 2015 at 11:29 am

    So somebody that hasn’t got a degree is an ‘illiterate’ or ‘uneducated’?

    An uneducated person will not encourage their children to be educated?….huh really!?

    Uneducated means close minded?

    Serious questions. I’m sooooo confused.

    Even more confused because most of the time I question what is being said or written by a Nigerian that states “I’m a graduate of….”
    I’ve often questioned the level/quality of graduates that Nigeria produces.
    What good is a degree if you’ve been sitting at home looking at your certificate for 5-10 years because of unemployment!?
    Are those the same e people that look down on an “Uneducated” employed person?

    I really don’t understand what I’m reading here.

  14. Justme

    July 14, 2015 at 11:43 am

    No pastor for me o! I can’t do that 3am morning prayer & in as much as I admire their wives Turkish suit & stylish Hat I don’t see my self in it. business wey no get name nko? please don’t border.

  15. Abena

    July 14, 2015 at 1:10 pm

    In as much as i understand where the writer is coming from,i believe she got it all wrong with this singular line : Truthfully, it would be hard for me to get with an uneducated person, not as a matter of vanity, but because it is too hard to deal with close mindedness .You haven’t met a Professor who is close minded eh?Yes people who didn’t go to school sometimes have inferiority complex but it doesnt mean they are all close minded.
    We have educated people who are stark illiterate ,it an oxymoron but that is the case,i call them ‘educated illiterate and that what they are..
    I totally agree with Oyinlola : The summary of my epistle is that my professional dealbreaker is a lazy man who’s got no vision and who doesn’t think a woman should attain a particular professional or career height just bcos of ego

  16. new bride

    July 14, 2015 at 1:43 pm

    I really want to like this article, but to many sour points in it!

    I’ll suggest you avoid basing a whole article on assumptions such as uneducated (illiterates) people are closed minded and educated people are open minded! Not only is it false, it is also insulting. You’ve assumed that all uneducated people chose to be uneducated. Considering that we live in a 3rd world country, there are a LOT of people who just can’t afford an education and are forced to work to make ends meet.

    Some of those people make it in life and trust me, they’re the ones who make sure their kids succeed in life. My grandmother and her younger sister were forced into marriage as teenagers because their father didn’t believe women needed an education, their brothers on the other hand were sent abroad and one of them even became the first orthopedic surgeon in Nigeria. You know my grandmother did? She made sure that all her children were educated and in the best schools for that matter (Cambridge and Harvard).

    I’m hoping you meant that uneducated people are not exposed, which can be argues to an extent, but is also an assumption. All our politicians and government officials who are ‘educated’ and exposed to best things in life, are they still not closed minded by stealing money like the world is about to end and not doing anything to make life better for the people who elected them.

    Anyways, I fee like i’m rambling now, but please next time, be careful with your generalizations and assumptions especially in a public forum such as this one.

  17. Busola

    July 14, 2015 at 2:42 pm

    I apologise for not using my normal ID and I do appreciate those who have raised their concerns. If you read the next sentence following my reasoning about uneducated people, you will see that I pointed out that open-mindedness and close-mindedness in both groups is debatable. The whole point of writing articles is to spark and conversation and get broader perspectives on different issues. It is not a yardstick of how things should be done universally. So if you don’t agree with my point of view, it is ok.

    • Busola

      July 14, 2015 at 2:46 pm

      *spark a*

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