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“Is it okay for a close friend to date your ex?” – Damilola Adegbite Attoh asks

BellaNaija.com

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Damilola Adegbite Attoh

Actress Damilola Adegbite Attoh took to Instagram today to pose a question and we’ll like our BellaNaijarians to share their thoughts

Here it is:

So I got into a conversation yesterday and I would like your opinion. I too have been on the receiving end a few times. Is it okay for a close friend to date your ex? Not an ex that she didn’t know you were dating. An ex that she knew you with well! She knew all your personal jist! Is it betrayal? What is your opinion?

So what do you think?

Photo Credit: Instagram @adedamee

49 Comments

  1. Zionking​

    July 12, 2017 at 12:50 pm

    Yes cus I some closeses friends that happen among them so there for I thought NO SIN IN N THAT

    • mac

      July 12, 2017 at 12:56 pm

      YOU REALLY SHOULD STOP SMOKING WEED

    • Dude

      July 12, 2017 at 1:07 pm

      wtf did you just type?

    • Dee one

      July 12, 2017 at 1:35 pm

      English pls.

    • Bleed Blue

      July 12, 2017 at 2:25 pm

      Hahahahaha!!! My chest oh!

      Abeg you people should leave ZionKing alone. He knows what he’s talking about.

  2. Nancy Oriolowo

    July 12, 2017 at 1:05 pm

    It’s not advisable to date a friend’s ex. Yea! we’re humans and the emotions might creep in but we’re also capable of controlling our feelings, unless the friendship is no longer important to you. In short, things like this feels like a betrayal because you knew those two together very well and suddenly, you’re now the new bae. Pretty annoying i must say. There are a lot of men and ladies out there, hotter ones sef………..go get yourself your own man/woman abeg!!!

    • Bella

      July 12, 2017 at 1:14 pm

      Amen to to that!! issaNO

    • Olu

      July 12, 2017 at 2:41 pm

      “….go get yourself your own man/woman abeg”

      When did your ex become your own?

    • mywifeisfiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine

      July 12, 2017 at 9:55 pm

      if you love the person so much then stay there and make it work (man or woman); no one made you the author and finisher of your Ex’s dating life. Will it make you feel somehow? most likely; is it the end of the world? the answer is NO. you cant be in your new relationship or “enjoying your single life” as you ladies like to claim and want to control someone else’s destiny because they used to date your they are your friend. Grow up and move on. If you are a true friend and the guy or gal is great for your friend, then you would want the best for them.

    • Lowlaaa

      July 13, 2017 at 2:15 pm

      How and why is it that it’s mostly females saying they’ll be upset about this? Your ex is your ex! If my ‘friend’ gets upset that I’m dating her ex, then she’s an idiot and tbh, I don’t want her as a friend. Friends like that have too much wahala anyway so dueces to the friendship if I she has a problem with me dating her EX.

  3. Dude

    July 12, 2017 at 1:08 pm

    Well, it depends. But i wouldn’t want my close friend dating my ex.

  4. Jide

    July 12, 2017 at 1:10 pm

    The way people say “ex” like it’s a disease. What if you and that ex broke up on amicable terms? What if you and that ex are still friendly? What if you have moved on and are seeing someone else? Will you still be mad about who your ex is dating?

    • missappleberry

      July 12, 2017 at 3:12 pm

      Lemme answer your last 2 questions. What if i am seeing someone else already, but my ex was the true love of my life, and we couldn’t keep the relationship due to circumstances beyond our control? Just what if? And of course i will still be mad if a close friend of mine happens to be dating that my said ex!!!

  5. Anon

    July 12, 2017 at 1:17 pm

    There’s absolutely nothing wrong as long as you have moved on. I don’t believe you own all the guys/ girls you might have dated.

  6. Paul Agim

    July 12, 2017 at 1:24 pm

    Jux change your name from Zion King to Sambisa King or Shrine king

  7. nene

    July 12, 2017 at 1:26 pm

    i don’t think there’s anything wrong. however, i would like to be the first to know if a friend decides to date my ex.

  8. Suga

    July 12, 2017 at 1:37 pm

    Mmm,i think this matter can actually be dicey because sometimes it depends on what really happened that caused the break up for instance I had a friend that was dating this great guy but she became unserious in the relationship at some point to the extent that the guy was coming to beg me all the time to help me talk to my friend to be focused giving me examples of the distractions he noticed but my friend always sees me as too serious each time i speak with her on the matter and this continued until they finally stopped dating. So if I eventually started dating the guy after they are obviously not into each other after a period of time, would my friend come to call me a betrayal? 2.what if the relationship has ended a long time ago with my friend moving on with another “better guy” and may be one day I bumped into her ex and one thing led to another then we started dating, would you also call me a betrayal?. ..So the truth is that a lot of women want to eat their cake and have it back, my igbo people will call it aga-aga acha-acha,therefore I would not feel betrayed if I see my ex dating my friend on a normal circumstances except I have been suspecting my friend of backbitting or being the reaon of our initial breakup or a case that my friend was the one that advised me to break up with him because of the kind of person he was,aside that I would just take it that we were never meant to be and perhaps they are meant to be. ..period! !

    • messylove

      July 12, 2017 at 4:11 pm

      yes oo u said it all my dear sista. i see nothing wrong with that. our destiny are different.

  9. Dee one

    July 12, 2017 at 1:40 pm

    Now back to the story, my answer to the question is a definite NO, I mean except you guys stop being friends how’s that gonna work, how will you even act around each other. It’s just girl code that something like that shouldn’t happen especially if you’re as close as she described.

  10. hmmmm

    July 12, 2017 at 1:56 pm

    As long as she was not the cause of the break up and I am informed first or early on about the new development, I am fine with it. The only issue might be if I still have feelings for the guy with thehope of working things out and I am not yet dating someone else.

  11. Mywifeisfiiiiiiiiine

    July 12, 2017 at 1:57 pm

    People be catching useless feelings. Your EX is not your property, move the f#*k on.

  12. mama zee

    July 12, 2017 at 2:03 pm

    its ok to me cos the reason we are exes is becos we are not compatible. so if you find that you are compatible with someone i happen to know, no harm in that. i just planned the wedding between my ex and one of my closest friends and it was an awesome experience…….i felt like i owned the wedding cos i knew both parties well and it was easy giving them what they want.

  13. Mrs A

    July 12, 2017 at 2:10 pm

    I married my friends ex. Bite me. She cheated on him, he found out. They broke up. He relocated to the US, I had relocated years before he did. We bumped into each other in New York of all places. I gave him the cold shoulder at first because friends ex and all but he was quite persistent. I never gave him my number but we hadn’t stopped being Facebook friends. Who uses Facebook. My friends list has been the same for years. That’s where he started his chase from for months before I gave him my number. I resisted but abeg this guy was and is a really great guy and I wasn’t going to make the same mistake my ex friend did. Letting a great guy go. She cheated on him for goodness sake.

    My friend then used to say she had his mumu button and he was too good. She didn’t know what she had and she cheated on him with a “bad guy”. I guess her boring good guy was my gold Prince Charming. He’s an amazing husband and father. The best thing that has happened to me. I was going to tell her when we started dating but he said I shouldn’t. We lived in the US, she lived in Nigeria so it’s not like it was in her face and there wasn’t any social media display of affection. Besides we weren’t close like that anymore.

    A mutual friend saw us together at a party and told her. She called (someone that hadn’t spoken to me in over 6 months) and cussed my life out or she tried to. I was on the phone with her for all of two minutes and I hung up. She called tire, sent me messages on Facebook and IG, I blocked her, then she started sending emails. I blocked her too without reading the emails beyond the first line. I knew immediately it was her. She kept opening new accounts to email me and I kept blocking her without reading. Babe went cray cray. She kept expecting a reaction and my boyfriend said I should ignore her. If she has liver, she should send him a message and he will handle her.

    All this while, she was bad mouthing me all over Lagos, forgetting to tell people that she cheated on this guy. I didn’t even address it. People called to ask how far, I told them I wasn’t talking about it. I’m with him, there’s nothing she says or does that will change that and giving her attention is feeding her crazy. Those who chose sides, I nicely cut off. I didn’t even know my husband had bought the ring before the drama and was just waiting for the right time to propose.

    We got married under a year after the fiasco. Beautiful wedding which I didn’t share on social media and 3 years and twin boys after. I have zero regrets. He loves me, I love him. My in laws adore me, I adore them. My loss would have been another woman’s gain if I had said no to him because how was a “friend’s ex”.

    • b

      July 17, 2017 at 1:37 pm

      Wao!!!! I love love and do not blame you at all in this instance. that is why my policy is no one size fits all.

  14. Lol

    July 12, 2017 at 2:19 pm

    I over wonder for them o. I once considered a friend when deciding to date someone. She went on to betray me in the worst way. Now I just focus on what’s best for me. If it’s a friends ex then so be it. I am not even in my friends or ex’s lives to know what is going on. Frankly I don’t give a damn. I don’t mind if my friend dates my ex either with permission or not. Too busy to care, plus more important issues to life than who is dating or marrying who. So pathetic and crazy.

    • Lol

      July 12, 2017 at 2:20 pm

      This is a reply for mywifeisfine

  15. Tosin

    July 12, 2017 at 2:21 pm

    I will like to thank Bella (loool) for taking a small break before reviving this inane question. Everytime ask, everytime answer lol. I love everyone o.

    • Bleed Blue

      July 12, 2017 at 2:27 pm

      And we love you right back baby!

      I’m just in a great mood today men! The sun is shining, my lunch was pimping, my birthday is loading….it’s all gooood baby!

    • Tosin

      July 15, 2017 at 2:21 am

      smooches :*

  16. Oyinda

    July 12, 2017 at 2:32 pm

    I am so sick of this topic. What if that person is your God-ordained husband? So i will see a man that makes me happy, a man that i can actually see myself spending the rest of my life with and i’ll say “i can’t date you” all because of one stupid societal rule?? I have a close friend is married to her ex’s friend and they are very happy. As long as you are not doing it to spite your ex. If what you and this person have is real and genuine, please don’t let a good man go just because “society frowns at it” .

  17. olutoyin

    July 12, 2017 at 2:46 pm

    Its definitely not OK! Its happened to me before and I just couldn’t trust her anymore. It severed the friendship….Damn, we were besties.

  18. curios

    July 12, 2017 at 2:54 pm

    while I don’t see a crime in a friend dating my EX…to be honest with you that friendship would not be the same. I hear some persons talking about “moved on”… well considering how hard it is to really move on, for me an “Ex” is best left in the past. So while I would not restrain a friend from having any dealings whatsoever with the “EX” no matter how petty I might be, I would not put I myself in a position were I have to have dealings with them or hangout unnecessarily with them… I could manage to say hi and smile occasionally, but wouldn’t want to share my space and time with them. if I ever go after a friend’s “Ex” then it can never be for a serious relationship
    Having said that I think people should go for whoever makes them happy as long as you are using your head…. and not doing it out of Ulterior motives.

    • b

      July 17, 2017 at 1:40 pm

      definately the should not be friends again nah! you want them to start remembering the past. No o. If it ever happens you must keep safe distances abeg!

  19. Bolaji

    July 12, 2017 at 3:16 pm

    Dunno, Dami, can I date Chris? 🙂

    • Anon

      July 12, 2017 at 4:17 pm

      Are you a close friend of hers? Just asking! 🙂

  20. courage

    July 12, 2017 at 5:04 pm

    Very funny comments….most ladies feeling like super woman. Lets be factual that relationship with your best friend will be over.in no time. That ex male/female will always be in your face

    • Bolaji

      July 12, 2017 at 6:00 pm

      @anon, yes I am.

  21. Kuramo Falls

    July 12, 2017 at 6:34 pm

    @Bolaji if you were, you wouldn’t be askin such a dumb question. Is Chris her ex?

    • Bolaji

      July 13, 2017 at 12:17 am

      Eh, I am posing her question back to her. If she is okay with me dating Chris when he “becomes her ex” then she already has the answer. ?

  22. hawt stuff

    July 12, 2017 at 6:50 pm

    I for one have very few friends, so for me the answer is yes I will definitely have an issue with it. I remember back in my University days when a member of my squad told me she was flirting with a an ex-situationship of mine. Apparently, they met in a party, “bumped n grinded” when they danced and became cozy cozy from there. I kept a very calm face when she told me the news but internally, it didn’t sit well with me.

    Truth is that it will take a very liberal minded woman(which most of us are not, myself included) to be okay with this. If some people who present the argument of my ex being their soulmate as a reason for dating him, what of a situation where it involves your sister; your ex and your sister are soul mates. They met, fell in love and are now dating. The same ex who you were deeply intimate with and once considered a future with.

    Hmmmmm…..the question is just too deep

    • tapper

      July 13, 2017 at 4:50 pm

      no wahala. its part of life

    • Intimacy

      July 14, 2017 at 1:16 pm

      Herein lies the problem “The same ex who you were deeply intimate with” Intimacy not just sex but intimacy.

  23. Udegbunam Chukwudi

    July 12, 2017 at 7:32 pm

    It all depends on how the relationship ended

  24. Anonymous

    July 13, 2017 at 3:59 pm

    Dear Bella,

    18+
    Please pardon me but I need to find out if this is normal.
    I and my partner engage in oral sex-cunninlingus to be specific. I told him I’m not really into fellatio and he is cool with it.
    But please I need to find out if there are guys who can perform cunnninlingus and not care about receiving fellatio. He actually talks about my lady part like he really really loves doing that but I can’t help but be suspicious because I feel there aren’t really guys like that around. It was so bad that at first I suspected him of being impotent because I felt he was using that to distract me. When I saw I was wrong, I started suspecting him of being diabolical that he gets his power from cunninlingus (I have a serious trust issue, that I admit). But I honestly can’t say he is diabolical because he has not given me reasons to believe so.
    There was a time I was sleeping and woke up to catch him staring at me. I then asked him what was wrong and he meekly said, “I really really want to give you a h**d” as he had been anticipating it since we got home but we had a small fight and I slept off. Like he always wants to lick off my fluid.
    Now here’s the fun part, he actually said I should pee IN HIS MOUTH as a sort of dare. Now I don’t really get the vibe that he is into it. I think it is actually a dare.
    Paradoxically enough, he hates the position where I sit on his face. Maybe I’m just paranoid but I would like to know if he is like every other normal guy from Nigeria.

    Please put it up as I don’t know which of your email addresses to send to.
    Thank you.

  25. tapper

    July 13, 2017 at 4:48 pm

    Yeah! nothing spoil. once the game is over it’s over. It’s just like a restaurant. Is it good for a friend to enter a restaurant to eat where his friend has just come out. Of course yes.

    • Tosin

      July 15, 2017 at 2:24 am

      God will bless you o. It’s just like taxi or uber. Is it good for you to ride when the previous person has finished riding? Of course.

  26. Miss-p

    July 13, 2017 at 6:30 pm

    I won’t advise my friend to date any of my exes because they ain’t shit. If she want to, I will wish her good luck. No hard feelings.

  27. i must talk

    July 14, 2017 at 10:11 am

    Why not? one man’s meat is another man’s fish. if it did not werk for A doesn’t stop B from trying.

  28. Tessa Doghor

    July 19, 2017 at 1:11 pm

    Yes.
    If you don’t want the friendship anymore
    Then you can date the ex.

    If you date my ex, my friendship with you is over.

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