The available statistics of sexual abuse against boys when compared to data against girls is very low and we may never know the true extent of this unless boys, men, start opening up.
Society has, in a way, told men to “Man up” and bottle up emotions so as not to be seen as “weak”. We all know how flawed this it, but thankfully, all that is changing.
In recent years, more men are coming out to share details of sexual abuse during their childhood, suffered in the hands of men and women alike, almost all the time, people who are family.
Facebook user Abolaji, who describes himself as an insurance guru and blogger opened up about his first sexual experience which he said began when he was 7 years old.
Abolaji who publishes a column – #LettersToFathers – shares his really graphic encounter with his dad’s female domestic staff.
We appreciate that Abolaji, who has given us permission to share his story, is speaking out and encouraging others to do so and we hope this adds to the conversation about paying as much attention to boys, as we do girls.
See his story below:
MY FIRST SEXUAL EXPERIENCE
I got introduced to sex at about 7 years old by our house maid. Looking back now, she must have been in her late teens or early twenties then.
I had gone to my dad’s house for the holidays (we weren’t living together) and they had this house help hired by my stepmom.
The memory of how and when it actually started fails me. It happened repeatedly and she would threaten to kill me if I told anyone. Somehow, I believed her and I couldn’t tell anyone, but I remember that I would cry whenever I was to be left alone with her at home. All my cryings kind of added to her pleasure as she would dip my head in-between her thighs to make me suck on her. It was as if she had a built-up fantasy and eagerly wanted to experiment. She made me do all sorts, I should spare you the details. I later resigned myself to my fate with her, and it continued till the end of the holiday.
I remember the fears I had and the feelings of helplessness. My folks never suspected a thing. They probably thought I was just throwing childish tantrums whenever I was to be left with her. Decades down the line, I still shiver whenever I remember my helplessness that day. Well, this experience was like a forerunner to others that followed.
The boy child is already at a disadvantage. Even if he could give an account of what transpired, who would believe him? How does he prove that his person had been violated?
Unlike the girl child, he does not bleed when molested. You might not notice it in his walk and you probably won’t find any evidence even if you subject him to physical examination. But the act often leaves the very essence of his being shredded. Worst still, the society expects him to keep quiet, he fears being called a weakling. So he sucks it all in, the experience builds up, stratas upon stratas until a character and an identity is formed.
You should pay attention to the boy child too. That compulsive behavior, that sudden mood swings… they might be his way of dealing with the insanity he was dealt. If only you knew that his Rome was not built in a day.
I urge us all to join in this advocacy. If you would like to share your experience without your name being mentioned (that is anonymously), please chat me up.