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BN Hot Topic: Till Death do us Part…or Maybe NOT!

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Everyone I know wants to get married! To stand on the altar, in front of family and friends, confess their undying love for their partner and live happily ever after! Now that’s the stuff dreams are made off!

But unfortunately, real life after marriage is not quite the fairy tale romance the Cinderella and Snow White stories promised us. Today, more than ever before, there seems to be a higher rate of divorce among young couples. Marriages of only 10, 15, 5 years and even 6 months seem to be the order of the day! Irreconcilable differences and infidelity are just some of the reasons behind most divorce cases.

But these issues in themselves aren’t entirely new. Our parents contended with these problems and more, and today are celebrating 50 years wedding anniversaries! So what’s the difference between the marriages of our parents and the marriages of today?

There are different schools of thought on this issue:

  • Some suggest that our microwave generation has no patience. We want things to happen right now and have no patience to fix things when they go wrong.
  • Others suggest that women are to blame. Apparently, the 21st century woman, with her education and high-flying career, has forgotten what it means to be a wife and this is the primary cause of arguments in many marriages.
  • Some say the men are ‘spoiled for choice’, with too many woman chasing after them and the lack of commitment and willpower to stay faithful.
  • We have even heard that ‘it is all spiritual’ and the devil is trying to ruin the institution of marriage!
  • While others say this is nothing new! Many of our fathers, mothers, grandmothers and grandfathers were simply ‘suffering & smiling’ through bad marriages.
  • Another popular reason that seems to pop up is that people get married for the wrong reasons. Finances, family, pressure and when the foundation isn’t solid, we all know what happens to the building…

But what do YOU think?

Let’s DISCUSS!

Photo Credit: Hello Beautiful

107 Comments

  1. Jayla

    November 12, 2010 at 4:13 pm

    OMG i just put up a similar topic of shotgun marriages on my FB status. It is really sad, loads of divorcees under 35.

    Everyone wants to eat their cakes & have it, we are impatient and selfish too. Many of these people rushed into marriage cos everyone else was doing it, same people are rushing out cos everyone else is doing it too.

  2. BKNY

    November 12, 2010 at 4:22 pm

    its really scary…been asking same question too..buh our parents really tried….the 21centruty woman wont take most of the shit our parents took….a friend just got separated from her husband 6months into the marriage.i don’t think its abt people rushing into marriage..i feel we go into the marriage with the opinion of for better i stay..for worst i go….not rilly gonn blame anyone cos aint got no answer to the question too but in all…lets not forget God to lead us right

    • Smarty

      November 15, 2010 at 11:26 am

      I concur with u,baby!

  3. !!!

    November 12, 2010 at 4:30 pm

    Yes, maybe our parents were suffering and smiling in bad marriages but they were patient enough to hope that one day it’ll work out. Or maybe, the wives were too dependant on their husbands and genuinely had no place else to go…*sigh*

    • Iya2

      November 12, 2010 at 4:35 pm

      thats it exactly ….

    • Gorgeous

      November 12, 2010 at 5:03 pm

      You got the part of wives being too dependent on their husbands right. Now most women know they dont need the man to take care of their needs. They can do it and so can a BF outside if the man doesnt want to live up to his responsibilities. Blame it on the feminist movement i guess. On the flip side though it forces the men to be more stable and considerate cause the grass these days is almost never greener on the other side.lol.

    • Jack

      November 13, 2010 at 4:22 am

      You fail am…

    • Amyy N.

      November 12, 2010 at 8:39 pm

      YOU GET AM!!.. lol.

    • ibinike

      November 15, 2010 at 12:11 pm

      I don’t think so. My mum has always had a job and her marriage to my dad will be 40 years next May. I strongly believe it has ot do with our perceptions these days. We have options and have thrown our values away. I’m married to a fabulous man (3 years on) and I don’t take it forgranted that all is well now. We work hard to make it more fabulous and our faith in God is a plus. People are just too lazy to work at their marriages. We look for quick-fixes.

    • rubyred

      November 18, 2010 at 12:57 am

      I agree with you. I believe hard work by both the husband and the wife make all the difference. It’s not just about getting married, its about staying married. Once you’d made the decision, do what you need to for it to work. That’s how i see it.

  4. Ogo

    November 12, 2010 at 4:39 pm

    I need answers myself!!!

    • chydee

      November 13, 2010 at 7:16 am

      What sort of answers do you need?

  5. Ms. Jayee

    November 12, 2010 at 4:49 pm

    “If the foundation is bad, what can the righteous do?”

  6. koa006

    November 12, 2010 at 4:51 pm

    i think it simply boils down to people getting married for the wrong reasons and not for love. End of….

    • canigetsomeintelligenceinhere!

      November 12, 2010 at 5:20 pm

      The question then is what is love??? Too many people think that love is a warm fuzzy feeling you feel all over your body but guess what it is not! People need to read 1st Corinthians 13 to learn what love is about. Its about patience, kindness, long suffering, perseverance, compassion, etc in the face of a lot of turmoil and truth is so many of us lack that capacity!!!

    • Tomi

      November 12, 2010 at 7:02 pm

      you are so right. The butterfly love doesn’t do jack in marriage otherwise many people would still be married.

    • koko

      November 13, 2010 at 3:40 am

      Love is not the only thing that matters in a marriage. There is communication, understanding, forgiveness, tolerant etc. Yes our parents endured alot of the infedilities from their partners either becuase that was the norms in those days or they just did not want get divoorce because of the kids. I think the reason most couples are separating these days is because a lot of people forget to practice forgiveness, communication and tolerance. Don’t get me wrong I am not telling people to stay in a marriage that is consumed with infedility but all I am saying is that we are all human and we fall into temptation. Men will always cheat on their wife even though they love her and will die for her. It is a matter of ego for them. Cheating makes the feel like they are still the dominant part of the relationship. For example, my husband was there for me when I was very sick and he even gave me his kidney so that I could live. A year latter he cheated on, but it does mean that he does not love me and care about me. I know it is difficult to forgive, but trust me it takes a while for it to happen. As long as both parties are willing to work on the relationship.

    • ugo

      November 13, 2010 at 7:26 am

      aww… may God bless you and your Union!

    • jennietobbie

      November 14, 2010 at 6:27 am

      that’s the power of forgiveness….we all sin and ask God for forgiveness. But, why is that different with our fellow human beings?

    • nonny

      November 14, 2010 at 12:56 pm

      nice one koko!!!

    • Enyamy

      November 15, 2010 at 8:13 pm

      My dear, Just because you are tolerant of unfaithfulness, it doesnt mean the rest of us are tolerant or that “men will always cheat”! I think @ the end of the day, everyone has what they will tolerate, for some its laziness, others infidelity, lying, etc. Everyone has their thing. But people also have standards – and some women can stand a cheating spouse as long as he pays the bills. If he looses his job – the marriage is over. Others will stand by a lazy spouse as long as he looks good…to each and everyone their own.

  7. buttyroice

    November 12, 2010 at 4:55 pm

    Yup! We lack wisdom απϑ patience!!! Nothing is new under the sun! The thing is that with time, our values have changed, especially with us women; we believe what is good for the goose……! So in essence, if a man cheats, we too can n so forth! May God help us o! I would really want my marriage to last.

    • απϑ

      November 12, 2010 at 9:11 pm

      i likenthis your απϑ thing o! could do it over and over again!…απϑαπϑαπϑαπϑαπϑαπϑαπϑαπϑαπϑαπϑαπϑαπϑαπϑαπϑαπϑαπϑαπϑαπϑαπϑαπϑαπϑαπϑαπϑ

    • Lha

      November 12, 2010 at 10:40 pm

      *shakes head*

    • chydee

      November 13, 2010 at 7:19 am

      *rolls eyes*

  8. Temiloluwa Adebayo

    November 12, 2010 at 4:58 pm

    I think if couples follow the basic principle laid down by God, all will turn out well eventually. Husbands, love your wives and wives, submit to your husbands. If we follow this rule, fewer marriages will end in divorce. We should obey God despite of the situation. Remember, your spouse is just a beneficiary of your commitment to God.

    God help us all.xxx

    http://temiville.wordpress.com/

  9. Lady Jaye

    November 12, 2010 at 5:02 pm

    Glory – I ADORE your columns (You and Wana’s, and the other girls’ – the ones who do bn hot topic), but let me ask this: IS MARRIAGE AND/OR ACQUIRING A MAN AND/OR BEING RICH THE ONLY THING THAT BOTHERS YOUNG WOMEN? that’s all we talk about on hot topic – you know, beating a dead horse and alla that. i know it is a fun subject and all, but it can’t be the only thing. Can’t we have something else in for a mix?

    back to the topic at hand:
    others have already said it:
    1. it could be that our parents (esp women) had less options and so had to stay in bad marriages.
    2. society is more accepting of divorce these days.
    2. our parents had more fortitude.
    3. our society teaches men to think they are kings and can do whatever foolishness thy feel like.
    4. women of today won’t stand for said foolishness – alla that and more

    (@ka006 – love is very important – right up there with the top three, but how do you define love – that’s #1. #2 – you can’t live on love and air. i feel like other things are as importat, if not more important: loyalty, honesty, kindness, goodness, responsibility, a sense of purpose… you get the drift. i gues they all find their way into love somehow, but they are also separate from love and should be considered above it sometimes – i’ll bet most people who get married say they’re in love. not many people get married – now at least – and plan for divorce.

    • myne Whitman

      November 12, 2010 at 5:28 pm

      Very well said!

    • mariaah

      November 12, 2010 at 8:30 pm

      Lady Jaye, mo gbadun re gann… Nuff said….

    • ugo

      November 13, 2010 at 7:59 am

      well said.

      1) with regards your reference to lack of creative topics, my suggestion to the bella naija team is maybe one post should be dedicated to a collective THINK-TANK type of thing, where we can all suggest different issues we are interested in, other than relationships, that we’d like to read about.

      2) i like your question of what love is, and again i ask – what is love? i have had that question figured out and unfigured out so many times. my conclusion, for the moment, at least, is that we do not know what love is!!! or no, better put – we don’t yet fully understand the dynamics of how love, whatever it may me, affects the workings of a relationship between man and woman.
      on the topic of love, i have often wondered at what we are thought: there are three types of love – agape (of God), filio (family+friends), eros (lover)… i wonder at eros. because more often than not, we can’t tell the difference between lust and love. there’s a surprisingly fine line between the two.
      … to the person who said marriages don’t work because both parties don’t go into it for love. i agree with you and i disagree with you. i agree with you because “love covereth a multitude of sins” and if both people love each other, they would overlook most things for which others would have headed straight for the exit. but i disagree with you because like lady jaye said, sometimes some things have to be placed above love (or so-called love, anyway, when you do figure out what it is) e.g. compatibility, friendship, trust, etc… AND THEN, over time, there is that great quality of love that can blossom between you two. love can grow. love DOES grow. so there are instances where people go into marriages without loving each other, just cos it seems like the sensible thing to do at the time. but as the years pass, they grow to depend totally on and love each other.
      … finally, @ topic, there are many sides to this coin. but i really feel one of the greatest contributors to the demise of marriages is going into it for the wrong reasons. mix that up with the pressures created on young women to get married, and well you have quite the disaster. unfortunately, many women, once they see those years adding up, start to lower their standards (and men too, i guess… but this particular issue i’s more a problem with the women than with the men). remember all those standards you set those years ago of attributes of your husband? don’t give up on ever finding him. and in this, i am referring more to character traits than itsy-bitsy details of physical appearance, eg you want your prince charming to be tall dark and handsome… but if your prince charming happens to be packaged in a not-so- tall dark and handsome package, but has every other trait you seek, you best go for it. but what im saying is, those character traits that you desire in your mate, please don’t ompromise on them d’you to any external pressures. you, and only you, would have to deal with the consequences of your actions afterwards, and not those pressuring you to get married.

      i’m sorry i wrote so much, hope i made sense =)

    • jmayaki11

      November 13, 2010 at 1:29 pm

      Plenty of sense!!!!! Well said!!! I totally agreeeeeeee with d women n standards gist !

    • rubyred

      November 18, 2010 at 1:05 am

      Again, well written and I agree… for the most part.

  10. Karimah

    November 12, 2010 at 5:27 pm

    Could be any of what you mentioned really…
    1. Quite a number of women are not patient.
    2. Some men also think they can do any thing and get away with it.
    3. Could be spiritual.
    4. Marrying for the wrong reasons.
    5. Feminisim
    And many more reasons…

    I think basically it boils down to the fact that most times when people enter into marriage and even any relationship, there is an expectation and suddenly that can’t be met… because humans are not perfect, the partner isn’t ready to work on the marriage and all… Marriages begin to have issues when expectations doesn’t match what reality brings.. Now instead of realizing that we all aint perfect and work @ changing some expectations (now I aint talking about lowering your standards or expectations) but in marriage or any relationship @ all, we discover that the other person really isn’t what we expected as the spouse or friend would also realize u aint all that either… working on making it work in what matters…

    Btw, I don’t think it is cause the society was harsh to women leaving their husbands that made them stay in their marriages. We really can’t be too sure… I think the principal thing is build your marriage on the right foundation… if anything goes wrong (and it would always do), you know who to turn to and also be ready to do what is necessary of you.

    • faith

      November 14, 2010 at 7:42 pm

      yeah, i really agree with u…..this marriage thingy is just so rampant dis days

  11. marriage..hmmmm

    November 12, 2010 at 5:32 pm

    To be frank marriage is scary! Me i have a question.. your husband treats you well yet cheats on you.. what do you do with that? You can accuse him.. cos he will say he has been good to you… Now you dnt have any concrete evidence either… but like we all know… IF you love your man or woman.. it is not rocket science to tell when he is being unfaithful…. it sounds simple but things like this lead to divorce..

    Our parents went thru it and to be frank.. i dnt think i have the patience for nonsense… most of our mothers stayed cos they have no way to turn to.. which is why the rate is higher today because when a man does not want to respect himself.. a sister has enough money to take of her kids without him and will happily move on.. than to sleep with heart break every night.. thats even if she sleeps.

    Back to my question.. do you confront him.. or wait to build up evidence?

    God help us all!

  12. lizzy

    November 12, 2010 at 5:42 pm

    This is why i don’t see myself marrying someone i don’t fancy enough to endure his mess. Whatever happened to forgiveness, endurance, patience, kindness, goodness etc?????

  13. lizzy

    November 12, 2010 at 5:48 pm

    and the grace to do all these as well? or is God no longer able? i think not. Any body who wants to get married should first understand the institution called marriage, why God created it, when you have the blue print you can go ahead and run with it…..It can never be achieved by power or our own strength. Make God your pillar and always dwell on your spouse’s good sides and not the bad sides..

    • jennietobbie

      November 14, 2010 at 6:38 am

      u read my mind. Now I know how loud God laughs at men’s self-acclaimed wisdom. We all know who created the institution of marriage…and here we are…..trying to outsmart HIM

  14. Molicious

    November 12, 2010 at 6:13 pm

    Getting married is like going shopping in the dark, my aunty says, you never know what you are going to get.
    We really need to go back to understanding what true love is, it may sound simple but to truly love someone is probably the hardest thing to do because you can’t control what you get in return. It takes a life time of patience and understanding, the question is, are we courageous enough to stick to our decisions despite the odds? Some situations are really bad, men beating their pregnant wives and women cheating on their husbands, it really is tough. This is why it is important to find a God fearing partner, who has some standards that you are aware of and is okay by you cause some “God fearing” men definitely think it’s okay to beat their wives so I mean, God – fearing is not the be all and end all, you still have to make sure your are on the same page with values and beliefs and principles. May we all with time and experiences (ours and others) learn the wisdom and patience it takes to really LIVE a fulfilled life.

  15. mary007

    November 12, 2010 at 7:10 pm

    I do not think that it has changed that much, it just that news spreads is faster these days ( with social mediums to announce a wedding). I have seen parents and family members from way back in the fifties and sixties who left their marriages and by the seventies were in their second or third marriages. Take for instance it was common in those days due to lack of communication for men to marry one woman in Benin another in Kaduna ( with none wiser as communication then was poor) only at his funeral or through fate the families find out, many stories abound of men and sometimes women moving away from their families and starting new ones but these days its very hard to live in isolation. I do think sometimes marriages fare better now we have less polygamy or when people divorce they have fewer half and step children as the present economy allows for fewer children. I think generally as you make your bed you lie on it, a marriage built with a shaky foundation will not last and again men and women are getting older by the time they marry now, in the seventies women married straight from secondary school now women start work and wait for years to find him.

  16. Sarah Nubia

    November 12, 2010 at 7:17 pm

    I so agree on the impatience part. 21st century ladies need to take a chill pill.

  17. deegal

    November 12, 2010 at 7:38 pm

    i think its a combination of things, women are more enlightened and less dependent. Some of our mothers were being beaten black and blue on a regular basis but they felt they had no choice…today’s woman knows better. On the other hand we do tend to be a tad less accommodating this days, but the men also have their own faults more and more i am hearing of men who expect their wives to be the sole bread winner and cater to their every need. Now for such women why stay in a marriage when you will pay school fees, rent and every other cost alone and still have to feed, house and cloth a grown lazy man?

  18. mary007

    November 12, 2010 at 8:44 pm

    And to add to my comment above when two people enter a union and both share a commitment that no matter what there DIVORCE is not an option they fare better, that when they face challenges that life brings eg for no obvious reason they can no longer stand each other they stick through it, then marriages would fare better

  19. Gwen

    November 12, 2010 at 8:53 pm

    Most people look forward to a wedding and not marriage.
    1. Only people that excel in class are those who want to and study hard, which means sacrificing watching tales by moonlight for lessons pre-exam. Same concept applies to marriages. Only those who are willing to stay in come out tops.
    2. Our parents went through similar but without the internet age where diff technology has been made available to materialise our insecurities and thereby leading to destruction. Also, the Naira was stronger than the pound and no major need for oppression, destructive jealousy and extreme materialism leading to promiscuity………..

    I can go on and on………… But I’d rather not. In a nut shell, it is a decision based on ones individual drive to make his/her marriage survive based on what the motive or goal is.

  20. angelsbeauty

    November 12, 2010 at 9:14 pm

    i think it is all of the above, especially getting married for the wrong reasons and peer pressure, plus parents and older people counting down for you and constantly reminding you that you are next. it’s sad but the solution i believe is forgetting about fairytales and dreams, as hard as it may seem and get married for the right reasons and willing to work through whatever life through at us. x

  21. Esther

    November 12, 2010 at 9:43 pm

    I agree with BN there are lots of issues that lead to failure in marriage,for me i am most concerned about the foundations,some people clearly get married tos tage a ceremony,wear the wedding band and smile for the photographs.It takes more than the longtime commotement and daily sexual activity to sustain a marriage.

    • Molicious

      November 12, 2010 at 10:57 pm

      Lmao @ daily sexual activity. Are you kidding? Who has time or energy for daily sexual activity, lwkmd… lol, daily sexual activity *smh*

    • Amseriouslyinlove.

      November 16, 2010 at 9:41 pm

      i do.lol x

  22. sam

    November 12, 2010 at 10:13 pm

    Microwave era is my diagnosis. Check this our mothers were raised and groomed to marry a man who will take over and continue to “raise” them, support them and pretty assume that fatherly role. That’s why when these women were abused by their husband families encouraged them to go back and endure the suffering. Over time the woman masters the art of suffering and smile and all starts to seem as though this woman is in the best marriage. Fast forward to microwave era where shit women are minister, presidents and CEOs dem never born the man wey go offer us bullcrap. These kind of empowered women raise their kids to reach for the moon and bite any man that dares to as little as look at them the wrong way. Even as a woman I m just not having it from all these eggocentric males who think they 3e the prize in the relationship. They go around almost negotiating silly ideas like splitting bills and submissiveness. I mean are for real? If a young man in his early 30s is already begging for a submissive wife I say run. Those are early signs of oppression and abuse in the near future. Those are signs the guy will sabotage your life to get you to bow at his feet in the name of submission. My point being, women are less tolerant these days and the quality of men out there in terms of their vision for a spouse is nothing to write home about. Its about time both men and women star seeing maRriage as a partnership and joint venture. Not the long gone view of one being the head and the other the submissive(mumu) one.

    • Faith

      November 16, 2010 at 8:35 am

      So basically women should suffer and smile?! Just say you can say I am “happily” married? I think life is too short to deceive yourself. Most of the women in our parents’ marriages were unhappy in their marriages till they gave up on the quest for happiness. I believe you should be patient but if it is not working, leave. Be happy. Be free. Life is too short

  23. Kloi

    November 12, 2010 at 10:38 pm

    Not another marriage/relationship post. Can we give it a rest !!??!

    • chi

      November 13, 2010 at 8:05 pm

      i wonder o!

    • Justsaying

      December 5, 2010 at 6:39 pm

      I know right? Like dang! have Nigerians nothing else to talk about? Is that all there is to life? No wonder Nigeria is the way it is today, misplaced priorities. If the average Nigerian was interested in good governance like they are interested in the marraige / relationship topic, Nigeria would be the envy of the world today!

  24. Ollymoo

    November 12, 2010 at 10:51 pm

    Smiling and suffering for most parts

  25. HRH

    November 12, 2010 at 11:43 pm

    I think some people are not just fit for marriage but they get in there because of peer pressure just like some study some courses in the universities just to please their parents and later in life pursue personal dreams.
    There is no point over-flogging this issue,all the earlier commentators have said it all but like Rick Ross said in Free mason track, ” I won’t fail but a lot of men will” God help me.Amen.

  26. Yenilade

    November 12, 2010 at 11:43 pm

    I’m new here. And it seems this topic ia a recurrent one. Fine by me. If the discussion helps someone in any way, why not? Marriage is a touchy issue, especially in this day and age. So if we have to talk about it all the time….. I say: why not?!
    And sad to say, the fault is entirely that of the men. the very same mistake Adam made in the garden of Eden, many men are still making up till today. And until a man hands over his life fully to God, he will only behave like his forefather Adam, like father like son. Men are chosen by God to be the Head of the home. Just like Adam was told to do in the Garden of Eden, men are to tend, nurture and keep their homes. But Adam failed, and most men are failing today. Unfortunately, there is no traditional or cultural framework in place that will teach men their righful roles, expect perhaps in the church. I say perhaps because that institution too is failing where marriage is concerned. The ultimate is that, a wise man is he that nurtures his wife and home by humbling himself and having a direct relationship with God. That is the only way he too can earn the love and respect of a Good Solid Woman (i.e educated, God fearing, financially secure, sexy- totally whole) . When a man treats his woman like the Queen that she really is, then he should just wait and watch how his own Kingship with blossom naturally. May God help the men of today, because it is as they are laying their beds, that they are laying on it. When men complain about women, they are only reacting to the Monsters thay have helped to create. Its mostly a direct case of remove the log in your own eye before removing the speck in the eye of another. God is a wise God. the complete love a man expresses to his wife, is what enables her to naturally submit to him. But todays Guys want submission first. That cant happen in most cases because God did not plan it that way. Everyone needs a complete change of attitude. Then and only then will peace reign in many homes.

    • Ada Nnewi

      May 24, 2013 at 3:05 pm

      i absolutely adore your comment!!!!

  27. Agnes Orez

    November 13, 2010 at 1:35 am

    Marriage requires one to compromise in order to accomodate another person’s viewpoint, likes and dislikes, idiosyncracies, personal baggage, etc. In the past, it was mostly, if not exclusively, women that were doing all of the compromising. Now that women are more liberated due to access to education, access to jobs, and changes in the laws that protect women, they are less likely to compromise and are demanding that men compromise in marriage. Additionally, many women are not content to be limited to traditional roles and want more than a one-dimensional marriage, where they only seem to exist to serve their husband as a cook, baby maker, and housekeeper. This new demand on men by women is the source of the conflict. Personally, I feel that historically that marriage is a social construct that, in its traditonal form, only benefitted men.

  28. D.O.T.M.H.

    November 13, 2010 at 2:04 am

    Marriage is NOT about suffering and smiling. It is with this mentality people go into the marriage and basically u get what u expect. I’ve chosen to be positive and expect joy and peace in my marriage and with me playing my role well, that is what I will get. There is nothing to fear because perfect love casts out fear and the only place we can get this perfect love if from God who says He is love. If you say you have love but you do not have God, then what you have is a mirage.

    p.s- BN team PLEASE put a lid on this relationship (et al) issue at least till next year, maybe on vals day or something. Please be creative. You can do a series on childbirth, I dunno, get someone to talk about how to prepare for childbirth, things u should buy when u r preg, what to eat etc. You can also do an article on interior decoration, colour combos etc cos I haven’t got a clue as to what to get apart from chairs and tvs in my home when I start one. Also gardening and small scale farming, like how to plant tomatoes, onions, aloe vera at home… I dunno just something different and relevant. This is free consultation for now 🙂 I’ll let u know what I want later 😉

  29. Doll

    November 13, 2010 at 10:36 am

    My eyes hurt from reading.

  30. Duchess

    November 13, 2010 at 11:06 am

    I read a book called “The Purpose and Power of Love and Marriage” by Myles Munroe. I wish i could break this book down to just a few words but it is practically impossible. It is a MUST READ for everyone. It gives the true definition of Love according to the bible. Real love is AGAPE love …..the unconditional love that God showed us when he died on the cross.

    In my own opinion, the rate of divorce is high because people dont honour their vows! It says “for BETTER, for WORSE, till DEATH DO US PART”. These are vows made in the PRESENCE OF GOD! What does that say about people’s respect/honour for God. Life is not a bed of roses, even if it is, roses do have thorns. Nothing in life is easy, there will always be ups and downs, you have to be ready to stick through them. My dad cheated on my mum quite a few times and use to hit her as well. I asked her why she put up with it for so long and she said she could not leave because of 1) the unconditional love she has for him, 2) she made vows in the presence of God and she will stick through it all till death, and 3) she did not want to bring up her kids in a broken home! Now this is ENDURANCE! My dad did stop cheating and beating her eventually but she had to endure it for a period of time. Do NOT get me wrong, i do not condone domestic violence, i am just using it as an example of what endurance is all about. 1 Corinthians 13 says “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres”.

    I think we as women need to go back to the drawing board! My pastor says “The man is the head of the family but the woman is the neck”. I personally, see the woman as the foundation of the family after God. If as a woman you refuse to submit because you feel you can provide for yourself and you do not need a man, then i will advice you to stay single. It kills me when ladies give the whole “i am an independent woman” attitude, no one is saying you should not do well for yourself and have a great career but if keep giving your husband that attitude, how do you expect him to put up with you. The bible says the wives should SUBMIT! God obviously knows why he said “wives” should submit not the “husbands”.

    The men also have a lot of work to do as well. There is perseverance and long suffering but still mean they should keep doing wrong and hurting their wives just because they know she wont leave them.

    All in all, we all need to be very prayerful, you marriage CANNOT stand if God is not the foundation and if his presence is not with you all the time. As human beings, we do make mistakes and make wrong decisions sometimes but that is why the Holy Spirit is there to guide us and teach us how to handle various situations.

    N.B: Two other books i will recommend by Myles Munroe…””understanding the purpose and power of woman” and “understanding the purpose and power of men”

    • jennietobbie

      November 14, 2010 at 7:03 am

      I am a 21st century lady and I respect God to the fullest. I go by whatever He says. He said Women SUBMIT to your husband. He has HIS reasons for saying that. What??? Oh please, do not tell me that my GOD is not a 21st century God abeggg. His words are the same yesterday, today and FOREVER. Even after this our 21st century excitement…..His words will still stand. You understood the concept of MARRIAGE very well and God bless you so much for sharing your thoughts and books on BN. I’m heading to amazon. I love positive people!

  31. tiki

    November 13, 2010 at 11:24 am

    my eyes hurt from reading too, meeeen!anyway, i think this ‘marriage issue is important enough to be discussed over and over, God knows a bad marriage can take you to an early grave…
    I won’t pretend to know what kills marriages nowadays…to me, that should be a case-by-case study. what i know is this…if you wanna find true love, you have to be ready to have trust someone, and show them love without calculating. as a friend told me…’i’ve been hurt many times, but i’m not giving up on love…after all, if I stop loving, how will I recognise my soulmate’?
    My point is, if we stop calculating and start loving, maybe we will open our hearts to feel true love, and our eyes to recognise liars and cheats…

  32. Joseph

    November 13, 2010 at 1:07 pm

    Koko, u amongst all adequately put the round peg in d round hole…uhmmmmmm….;except for dat part where ‘every man must cheat on his wife”…uhmmmmmm, no, not all men would do dat. For those dat know their God shall be strong n do exploits…God bless u Koko

  33. Mandy

    November 13, 2010 at 1:32 pm

    We know the roots, the solutions are:

    1. Mothers teach, I mean TEEEAACH your sons how to be good husbands and not chauvinists. And to make efforts in their own marriages.
    2. Let everyone be faithful and if it is difficult to be, tell your spouse to sit up.
    3. As a married woman, let the husband and kids come first. If you can’t cope, have only two kids. There can’t be two captains in a ship ever. The woman can always go full time into her career at a more suitable time.
    4. Let Africans (especially mother-in-laws) accept that all kids are equally special, boy or girl and that adoption is wonderful.And men it is not unmanly to cook for your own tummy and the kids’ own when the wife is tired. If you want a freak in bed you have to be willing to pay for external help to do regular cleaning (using househelp is child abuse) or make similar sacrifice. Nothing good come easy.
    5. Everyone was born to work,to fulfill destiny including women. Nobody was born to be a slave forever. Lets change our mentality.
    6. Let Africans know that its cool for a woman to be rich without necessarily being a wife or a prostitute.
    7. .. I am tired *grin

    Seriously, ignore all the above. Do the below:

    Solution is love your spouse like you love your father, mother, brother or child (except it is life-threatening to do do like husband beating wife). Simples

  34. Not Nigerian but

    November 13, 2010 at 6:44 pm

    i dislike that people say marriage is about ‘tolerance, endurance etc’. Basically negative words. I have a nigerian friend. She had a terrible experience in her marriage. The worst thing is that in many societies the responsibility for making a marriage work is dumped on women. Men cheat, beat, abuse blah blah blah and women forgive, tolerate, endure.

    Parents should take responsibility and stop raising foolish men with god complexes. If she can be patient, so can you. If she can resist temptation, so can you.

    • Binti

      November 13, 2010 at 8:08 pm

      I agree! Until we women start teaching our sons to be responsible, respectful, caring, etc the cycle will just continue to the next generation! We need to stop raising boys that can’t cook, think cleaning the home is beneath them, or think they have the right to sleep with as many girls as possible!!!

    • God's annointed

      May 26, 2011 at 7:31 pm

      God bless you.
      1) Mothers please teach your son’s to respect women. It is not okay for a man to cheat on and beat his wife. That is a major fail on the home training front.
      2) I believe that there are a lot of signs pre-marriage of the problems experienced during marriage. Please please please people, do not get married with the idea that toy can change someone during marriage. I mean does it really make sense? You want to change someone that has been a certain way for an average of 3o years?!
      3) A lot of our parents may still be together, but that doesnt mean that they are happy. I do not under any circumstance condone divorce, neither do i wish anyone to endure rather than enjoy a marriage.
      4) A key to a successful marriage is forgiveness. Know what you are getting in before you say ‘i do’. Marriage is not a bed of roses, but it can come really close. Both parties should shouls have the fear of God on their mind and ask for help.
      5) Patience, endurance and all the rest apply to both parties

  35. J-WORLD

    November 13, 2010 at 8:55 pm

    1.Don’t take advice from single people regarding marriage. They can say things that might seem logical or practical but at the end on the day the union is going to be between you and someone they know nothing about
    2. Understand the principles regarding marriage in the BIBLE before you jump into it. If you lack or fall short in the requirement of the Proverb 31 women strengthen and develop yourself.

    • jennietobbie

      November 14, 2010 at 7:08 am

      That’s a wrap.! I totally agree with you. Go back to the bible and do your math. Phew!!!!! Goodnight BN.

  36. indomie

    November 14, 2010 at 1:52 am

    If I see the word marriage/marry/husband again I might just have to scream!
    e don do i beg.

  37. Not Nigerian but

    November 14, 2010 at 3:01 am

    women should strengthen and develop themselves and men? This is the wrong focus I speak of.

    If you were single and looking in on your marriage and something doesn’t look right, the fact that you are are married doesn’t change that. You may choose to live in denial or suffer and smile but you know the truth.

    We all make mistakes, sadly sometimes grave ones but you can not give another person control over your happiness.

    Both men and women should work for and love in a marriage.

  38. Melissa Momo

    November 14, 2010 at 3:37 am

    I completely agree with previous posts mentioning Mothers raising good men & Mother in laws staying out of their son’s marriage.
    I was married for 18 months before I carried my bag & my daughter and ran. As in literally ran (he went to church one day and I was gone before he came back). The straw that broke the camel’s back was the last time he beat me till i lost consciousness. (bcos i wouldn’t go spend the weekend with his mother so she would love him more than she loves his own sister. I already see his mum twice a day Monday to Friday, like hell would i go there again to spend the weekend?). Anyway, his father was sooooo bitter and angry about his son’s actions but his mother said and i quote “pls pls pls, there is no marriage in Nigeria where the husband doesn’t beat the wife & treat her the way my son is treating his wife, after all, my nephew just broke his wife’s arm the other day becos she wouldn’t let him see her phone & i should be thankful i don’t have any broken bones yet”.
    Ohh and another one of my MIL’s comments to her son right in front of me “she’s (referring to me) not going anywhere. She knows people will mock her if she leaves her marriage & besides nobody will marry an after one”. Did i mention this woman is a retired Deputy Director in one of the Ministries in the Niger Delta? Yup, she is.

    • dami

      November 15, 2010 at 12:04 am

      omg how could the woman sit thee and support her son and nephew in accepting that it okay for them to beat their wives? i feel for you and i pray God will touch your husband heart and that MIL need deliverance kmt!!

    • Ade

      November 18, 2010 at 7:07 pm

      SPEECHLESS! Chei!Chei!!Chei!!!

    • wow

      November 25, 2010 at 10:08 pm

      Wow!!!!!!!!!!!! this is another article on its on! Wow… the things ppl are going thru.. God help us all.

  39. jennietobbie

    November 14, 2010 at 7:13 am

    One more thing…..a goodnight gift to all my single/married/divorced ladies……..check out this book:”The Lady, Her Lover and Her Lord by T.D Jakes by T.D Jakes…….leggo!!!.

  40. gbomsie

    November 14, 2010 at 11:45 am

    But really WHY DO MEN CHEAT that’s a mystery we can never unravel.I think at the altar,the vows should really be excused for the men becos it makes no sense.Don’t get me wrong am not saying women do not,but really it’s not to be compared in anyway. Marriage is all about patience otherwise it can’t work

  41. Zahra

    November 14, 2010 at 11:36 pm

    from some of the comments here, it appears women achieving education, good careers, confidence, self worth, placing value on themselves mentally, emotionally and spiritually and having better expectation of their men folk and finding a voice in society and institutions long known to cater more towards patriarchy and are shunning chauvanism(what many would like to generalize, and negate, as women’s liberation) has become such a bad thing. WOW!!! Are some of y’all serious? So should we as women return to the dark ages just so we can be called Mrs. Somebody. Hell nah!! If you husband does not shape up, you need to let him know that you can choose to ship out with half his shit and the kids and see how he straightens up fast (this probably will work better in yankee and jand but i advice you do not try this so directly in Nigeria just yet because one kele will just move in sharply) Jokes aside, both individuals, not just the woman, need to practice and imbibe all the positive traits we all expect especially patience, compromise (it is ok guys to have a wife who has a great job she loves and makes more money than you and jet sets with CEO’s while you help with home care. it does not diminish your value one bit except you lack confidence, in which case is ‘your’ problem), Forgiveness (women are expected to quickly forgive their cheating and unremoreful husbands and most times will, but men most times don’t, even when remorse has been shown. Forgiveness should not be expected only from one person and society should stop preaching this because it makes men feel that women don’t have the ability to cheat and when they do they don’t know how to handle it and stay angry and feeling betrayed. FACE IT!! Men and women alike do fall into the temptation of infidelity and the bible teaches us to forgive 70X7 times) and above all LOVE (but keep in mind that you can’t know how to love others if you don’t know how to first love yourself, do unto other’s as you would to yourself). And if you know yourself very well and you know you cannot LOVE someone else enough to take their foolishness, then consider remaining single and adopting as there are many orphaned children who need some form of motherly love. If that doesn’t suit you, adopt a dog, cat or a tree, they are God’s creation and need love as well.

  42. Edosista

    November 15, 2010 at 4:19 am

    This topic is so important and no it cannot be touched on enough. This is a serious situation and to the ppl who feel otherwise, you don’t have to scroll down. To the person saying her father eventually stopped cheating and beating her mother, thank God…but this is just one situation..what about the other men who don’t see the light? how long do we “endure”?…how long before he actually starts breaking your bones (like Melissa Mommo’s inlaws)? How long before you lose your life all in the name of endurance and “love”. Based on the definition of love in 1 Cori 13: “love is not rude..love is not easily angered..it ALWAYS protects” How do you call physical/mental/emotional abuse love? I’m sorry but a (wo)man (and i use this word loosely) who beats/cheats on his wife has acted against his marriage vows and God’s word..God’s will.
    Basically, my point is, we have to take it back. A man who is a man of God and who has the fear and love of God in him will treat his wife with the best of his abilities: protect her, love her, trust her, etc. because he WILL NOT want to disappoint God (and same goes for a woman)
    Now on to the “21st century” theory…Ladies!! we should NEVER apologize for our accomplishments. A REAL MAN will appreciate you for you and all you come with.
    Ladies when you seek a mate; seek God; seek a man who loves God; seek a MAN of God and this will shine through him..into your relationship, and into your marriage (don’t mean to sound preachy..but it is the truth!)
    The End 🙂

  43. realist

    November 15, 2010 at 11:36 am

    Hmmm.There’s a lot of reasons marriages fail but i would say this to all the men and women out there: ‘HUSBANDS LOVE YOUR WIVES AS CHRIST LOVED THE CHURCH(He died for the church.u kno tht kinda love which makes you protect, cherish, etc.not sayin you should die); AND WIVES SUBMIT TO/RESPECT YOUR HUSBAND’. Till we are able to see this in God’s light then i’m not sure this issue will be resolved.
    For women making all those accomplishments, aint nothing wrong. But if you MUST get married then be a PROVERBS 31 woman;
    1st Corinthians 13 says a lot about love too. a must read.
    Finally, GOD HATES DIVORCE (Malachi);i pray we look beyond the superficial when embracing love and look at virtues, values and character. I pray God helps us recognize the people who are after his heart for us to be joined to.
    AND FINALLY, people, a lot of values have been lost these days. 21st century gives us a lot of excuses tht wht we do is right cos everyone is doing it.pls pls and pls, in the last days, the love of many will grow cold…in all our doing and flowing with the times, lets not forget eternity.
    and for BN, this is an important topic so it HAS TO BE discussed.(my opinion)

  44. Flower power

    November 15, 2010 at 12:07 pm

    Hate to be contrary, scratch that…love to be contrary. Seems everyone here agrees without reservation that the divorce rate is higher. I’m not entirely certain that this is the case. Could it be that there was a lot of cohabitation without solemnization in those days? I have met loads of people whose parents were married or in marriage-like arrangements more than once. Perhaps, now, with everyone wanting a bellanaija wedding, we’re just stuck with more formal arrangements than we would have had back in the day. A lot of the older men didn’t bother to divorce their wives before moving on to the next one, you know? Not trying to be funny, but a lot of our mothers were quite mobile and had kids for different fathers. Check, I’m not telling tales. So, is it that we are more impatient, superficial blah or that our marital arrangements have got more complicated?

  45. tamiz

    November 15, 2010 at 2:59 pm

    Like most of you have highlighted earlier, it all comes down to the jet age we have found ourselves in. Wives and husbands are so busy at work to make ends meet, get back home, get a quick meal prepared, some are on the phones, the other surfing online….(What with all the stuff that preoccupies pple onle) finally go to bed when your eyes and brain cease to funtion (Too tired to perform the sex game or even talk )and wake up the next day to repeat same…. Tell me when do they get to spend quality time together?
    Husbands probably starts getting more used to those he meets at the office , wife same… before u know what is happening they are drifting apart… Even the best marraiges face this… There is indeed a great difference between marraiges then and now.

  46. Smarty

    November 15, 2010 at 3:14 pm

    Wow! what i can deduce from all the comments above is that, marriage only flourish based on an individual discretion.That is, if it is good for you to stay married-you stay but if it is bad for you to stay married-you backout. I do not think there is any other principle other than loving and tolerance. There is no way every man/woman would be the same in attitude,Temperament,reasoning and understanding.Understanding ones prospective suitor is not a rocket science, it’s just a matter of knowing the trait and personality of your suitor. No matter how bad it is, no man would beat his wife for no reason but cheating on ones wife is a common vice as prostitution. My advice to ladies is that, you must try as much as possible to understand your man enough to acknowdge his certain and uncertain character that you can tolerate. The same thing goes for the guys. There is an african adage that says, no smoke without fire!

  47. tamiz

    November 15, 2010 at 3:39 pm

    And let me say here that being submissive is not the same as being mumu….

    If you are submissive to a man and he chooses to be abusive run o!!! That is when you can call it mumu!

  48. adedotun

    November 16, 2010 at 10:28 pm

    i read all the posts here and i’m so sad, I’m a 26 yr old young man and i’m getting married early next year, i read what women are writing here and it worries me ‘cos as long as i can remember being married and raising a happy family has been my most cherished dream.
    I want to make my wife the happiest woman in the world, making sure she goes to bed with a smile on her face every night because of me, yet the odds are so scary.
    Our generation is just LAZY and GREEDY, we’re always looking for what we dont have instead of buckling down and making what GOD has blessed us with work.
    For my fiancee and i, DIVORCE is not an option, whatever comes our way with hardwork commitment, faith and love, and with GOD we will sort it out.

    • rubyred

      November 18, 2010 at 1:15 am

      God bless you. Just be sure to raise your son the same way. We need more men like you out there… where ego does not get in the way of love.

    • rubyred

      November 18, 2010 at 1:17 am

      “in a world* where ego does not get in the way of love”

  49. Ibukungeorge

    November 17, 2010 at 6:40 pm

    God help u ade.am in my late 2os.am supposedly engaged but my mother in law to be gvs me hell and guess wat peeps/she hhass neva seen me before.Right now my engagemt ring is unda my box(any1 interested is up for sale lol).In my mind am single.Grw up in a broken home dnt think i want that for myself sigh*its so sad

  50. Dee

    November 17, 2010 at 10:33 pm

    I STOPPED BELIEVING IN MARRAIGES WHEN I MOVED TO LAGOS, NIGERIA. EVERYONE IS SLEEPING WITH EACH OTHER HERE. ALL THE MEN (ESP THE YORUBA (did i spell it right)) HAVE MISTRESSES OUTSIDE. YOU SEE THEM WITH THEIR GIRLFRIENDS MORE THAN THEIR WIVES AND the funny thing is the wives know about it but cant do jack!!! SO I WILL BELIEVE WHEN I MOVE BACK. MARRAIGES HERE IS A JOKE! THEY SPEND MILLIONS ON THE WEDDING DAY AND START FLYING THE GF TO DUBAI, LONDON, NEWYORK IN 2 WEEKS MAX TO CONSOLE THEM SMFH. INFACT ALL MY MARRIED FRIENDS HAVE GIRLFRIENDS and i am tired of talking to them about this.

  51. Lepa

    November 18, 2010 at 10:52 am

    @Dee, not all Nigerian/Yoruba men pls!!!!! Maybe a majority of those you roll with. May i suggest you change your crowd? I doubt, they probably are very wealthy and as such you feel they represent our society. No they dont…

  52. stella

    November 19, 2010 at 2:46 pm

    wow! smh2 @ dee’s comment.

  53. LaJ

    November 19, 2010 at 9:02 pm

    If you guys date for like 3-4 years, and happen to be very good friends who can talk about anything, resolve your differences, and have common dreams, what the #$%@ is gonna break your marriage???

  54. Lisa

    November 23, 2010 at 9:23 am

    In my opinion I believe a lot of young couples are very immature and spoilt when they get married. I mean how can a couple get married and their parents 100% fund the wedding. Plus they get a flat in the most expensive place in Lagos and both couple do not have jobs to sustain a quarter of the rent or wedding costs. The result is in times of trouble, the man cannot be a man and struggle because he has been fed with a silver spoon all his life. same goes for the lady. On the other hand, where both couple have sustainable jobs, they are both still mentally dependent on their parents and are used to others getting things done for them in times of difficulty. Lastly, I believe people take marriage too seriously. I mean in every relationship there are bound to be differences but what makes it stronger, is the ability to resolve issues and reach a mutual agreement. However, with marriage, people believe it should be perfect, If you marry a man that had mood swings during courtship, those mood swings would not change because of marriage. Simple advise, Learn to study your partner.

    • wow

      November 25, 2010 at 10:09 pm

      Truee! Very true!

  55. GIGI

    November 24, 2010 at 3:00 pm

    MANDY WELL SAID.
    MELISSA, YOU ARE A VERY BRAVE WOMAN FOR DOING WHAT YOU DID. U KNOW HOW THE SAYING GOES, YOU DONT KNOW WHAT YOU HAVE GOT TILL ITS GONE. SAD BUT SOO TRUE.

  56. Mariamah

    November 25, 2010 at 2:51 pm

    1. A lot of people marry for the wrong reasons, and when the reasons are not met, the marraige breaks.
    2. In our mothers generation, they were suffering and smiling, while some of them went through hell they held on , with the belief that society frowns against divorce, some for the sake of their children, and others because they had no choice, and they didn’t make it. Our generation lived through happenings like that while growing up, and now no one wants to be a victim now.
    3. Imaturity
    4. When a husband and wife, have different goals and values, there is bound to be problems
    5. The most important factor is God in a marriage.

  57. Nena

    November 26, 2010 at 2:11 am

    amongst other reasons, the common one is infidelity! am in U.S and I think no woman who works hard to support her husband pay bills in these hard times would tolerate infidelity like women did in the stone age times. men cheat alot period and then wives act wrong by trying to apply the “wat is good for the goose….thing” ! even some Yoruba young men in these 21st century still don’t mind having a polygamous family!!! I’m friends with these young Yoruba couples in church, he’s 26,a Msc student(so it’s not like he’s some old dense illiterate) & she’s 24,they have a 2yr old daughter.To cut a long story short,this dude was hitting at me,when he saw I was way too resistive, he started talking marriage & getting uncomfortably friendly with my family, even my parents(Igbos)whom despise the whole polygamy thing like crazy.maybe all these were just to mesmerize me so that he could sleep with me, but that was corny because even a kid could sense his desperation. And I asked him,”How can you say you love ur wife & also love me,it’s selfish & u know me too well to think I can be a 2nd woman in any man’s life?” He probably thought hard on it because after 2wks he asked me if he left his wife would I marry him & be a good mother to his 2yr old girl whom he seems to love dearly.I still don’t understand why most men would take such illogical decisions,it beats me,because I know most African women don’t easily stand up & leave their family for another man! anyway my volatile dad bursted out on him one Sunday in the parking lot (his family were still inside the church)& asked him to stay away from me & our family.My Dad threatened to inform some church members about all this but my mum stated it was unnecessary.He’s still acts like a horny punk around me but I hope he has the good sense to be a good husband & father to his family,If God has blessed him with them, wat more could he be looking for that he cann’t find in them? guys please help the ladies with this puzzle,even him couldnt answer this…

  58. changing faces

    December 2, 2010 at 6:05 pm

    If you are willing to suffer and smile, its your prerogative but should not be the basis for judging others!!! even the bible permits divorce on the basis of infidelity. I will never agree that any spouse should sit still, while the other gallivants around and collects all stds out there to pass on to the spouse! I believe in forgiveness, but when its detrimental to my health and spiritual well being, then id choose to forgive….. and forget the cheat!

    abeg, the most important thing is to make heaven… to suffer on earth in d name of marriage and then miss heaven, tufiakwa!

    • Justsaying

      December 5, 2010 at 6:59 pm

      Exactly! You have said it all. I agree with you 100%

  59. Tobi

    December 5, 2010 at 5:32 pm

    I wrote a note on this issue in my facebook page,the link is attached to this post,please take the time and read it.Thanks

  60. more

    December 20, 2010 at 7:05 pm

    my people marriage is the total commitment of a total person for a totality of his or her life time.how many is willing to enter with this idea?many marriages fail cos we place the last thing first.marriage should not be all about love,it bother more on tolerance,understanding and above all trust,then no matter what happened love flows in on its own.then the spirit of endurance /patiencee should be cushioned in all mind and divorce rate will be reduced.

  61. Purpleicious babe

    January 11, 2011 at 12:38 am

    Very interesting topic and ideas. I dont know what to say really. Is there a solution to marriage issues? I am in my early 20’s and having suffered a huge heartbreak I refuse to give up on the idea of the BEST MARRIAGE. I say this with absolute confidence that I am working on myself to achieve the best, its just like I working to get the best job prospects etc. I must say its about going back to basics, alot of people might marry and get divorce for various reasons that God knows I dont want to know. All I know is GOD name has been mentioned into all sort of things. FACT is not everyone that calls the name GOD actually know him and have a personal relationship with him. Hence, they do not go to God for help. All I can say is, honesty is the best policy. This only happens when you choose to make that decision, its a consicious and effortless decision that is only realised when u actually decide to consicously forget your will and try the will of the KING.

    Marriage like everything we do in life has a beginning and an end. If the foundation is started with wrong motives etc they are bound to be alot of issues in the future. Sometimes it may not be cheating, the husband in qs, could even be gay so is the woman… All I know is God exposes everything, nothing hidden that will not be exposed so in all that you do, try believing in JESUS by being honest with yourself and your own motives. MARRIAGE IS A LONG-TERM JOURNEY THAT DOES NOT GUARANTEE ALL PERFECT GIFT. BUT, if both parties are able to understand that things will change, they will change but never forget what brought them together @ the first place and placing the need of God for a perfect home. Maybe it will make a difference, or maybe they should just relax and wait on God for the right spouse.

  62. chinedu

    January 12, 2011 at 12:04 pm

    well

  63. cate23

    February 24, 2011 at 11:54 am

    I am a born-again Christian gal. Its has and always will be said that even living this life single and happy needs somebody who has a self respect and fears God. For this person to continue enjoying a full life, they’d better decide to also get married to somebody who shares this strong value with them.

    The reasons why marriages are failing, and what’ ll take to hell this young generation,(even old rich men are sleeping around nowadays) is an insatiable heart for all and everything (sex and money/luxury). Grown men are no longer content and still delighted with the wife of his youth, women have become so greedy for money that whether married or not,they’ll sleep around with rich married or single rich men just to get the extra luxuries of life. P’ ple no longer know what love is as described by 1COR 13:4-8, and they have defined it their own way.

    If we don’t know, sexual immorality is one of the sins that God CANNOT stand (NB: The capital letters) and He will surely destroy all regardless of the number of those that will perish (Read the Noah and the Ark Story); so people, single, poor, married, or rich, REPENT while you have the chance and breath to do it; I wish you all the best.

  64. simone woodside

    April 19, 2011 at 11:52 pm

    You all are so right…

  65. tara

    May 26, 2011 at 3:29 pm

    for me i’m an advocate of this fact: ‘there r no hard n fast rules abt marriage’…. wat basically is important to me, is nt love like people say but understanding! wen tru understanding btw partners is in place, love grows!!! just tink abt it practically; a man n a waman from two separate backgrounds n upbringing wont find it easy if they do not learn to understand each other n even endure the challenges of getting to know each other. mAN, love your WiFe; WifE, subMIt to ur HusBANd… so goes d holy Book. the complexeties become simplier wen roles are defined n understanding in place…

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