Aunty Bella is our agony aunt column on BellaNaija. We launched this column in the early days of BN and periodically feature issues sent in by BN readers. We hope the BN family can offer insightful advice as well.
I met my boyfriend in NYSC camp last November. He swept me off my feet there but when we came out he started acting dodgy. You might be thinking, isn’t it just ‘camp bf?’ “what did you expect?” but there’s more to the story.
We still spoke and hung out and in March we became an official couple. Our families know each other and we attend the same church, different parishes though. Yesterday, I told him my deepest darkest secret and then he told me his. He has a baby boy overseas.
The baby was born on the day he officially asked me out. He found out his baby mama was pregnant after camp which is why he was acting dodgy. He didn’t tell me earlier because he didn’t think I was ready for such news, which is true. I would have probably just run away.
Now that I am aware of this fact, certain things make sense, he doesn’t spoil me with gifts or take me out as much as I would want to. It never seemed like our relationship was his Number One priority, until recently, obviously because he had other responsibilities and issues he was worrying about.
However, he does try to make me feel special and gives me what he can. Plus, he is very driven, works hard and has a lot of potential. The popular saying “in hindsight, everything makes sense” is perfectly applicable in this scenario.
About 35% of his income is sent each month for his baby’s upkeep.
His baby mama is 8 years older than him and I am 6 years younger than him, she’s 36 (do the math). He says they will never get back together. They were together for a short time, 10 weeks, just before he moved back for NYSC, he slipped up. She has 2 other kids for another man btw.
His parents told him earlier that he better tell me so I know the full story. They are good people and his dad is my buddy.
This is their first grandchild even though my boyfriend is the last child. One of his siblings has been married for 10 years yet no sign of a baby. So, my boyfriend’s son has been warmly welcomed into the family.
There is a lot I want to achieve before I have children as I know raising one isn’t cheap and a lot of time must be invested to raise them up right. I’m in my early 20s and would have never imagined that I’ll get caught up in such a complicated situation.
Do you think I should stay in this relationship? What questions do you think I need to ask him? Do you know anyone that has experienced this/been in a similar situation? How did things pan out?
Please advise me like you would a younger sister.