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“Marriage Shaming Has Got to Stop” – Kemi Adetiba on Pressures Women Face to Get Married Early | Reactions to Danielle Saul’s Story



13. Kemi Adetiba

Yesterday, we shared the story of Danielle Saul who took her own life after she revealed her sadness at still being single at 31. (Click here if you missed it)

The story has garnered a lot of responses online and one of the people who responded is video director/media personality Kemi Adetiba.

She made her feelings known via twitter:

Meanwhile, see some of the other reactions to the story below:



  1. Adebimpe Popoola

    March 30, 2016 at 9:08 am

    Sometimes i am happy i am from a broken home. Reason been both parents due to their foolishness and stupidity refused to set a good example when it comes to marriage thus they have no freaking right to talk to me about marriage and i have made it clear to both. In as much as i respect you which is the moral thing, the day either of them dare ask me that almight stupid question, i would not hesitate to disrespect either of them.??

    • Nah

      March 30, 2016 at 9:58 am

      Nah, no matter how bad it is, please don’t resort to “disrespecting them”

    • Pretty girl

      March 30, 2016 at 9:50 pm

      Sweet heart it hasn’t gotten to that. Just because ur parents marriage did not work doesn’t mean if u find a good man it might end up the same way

    • Fleur

      March 31, 2016 at 1:25 am

      The lady was already homicidal. Marriage would have yielded the same end. Mental illness is illness, period.

  2. Mr. Egghead

    March 30, 2016 at 9:14 am

    Saying ‘societal pressure’ makes it look so abstract.
    Women face pressure from themselves: their mothers, their sisters and their friends. When they are always talking about the boo; when they stop hanging out with their single friends because they now have a ring on their fingers. When MzThis and MzThat are cooing about “tapping” BN weddings.
    Marriage shaming is a myth. The majority just want to get hitched with somebody who will love them. Shikena!
    Don’t go blaming “society” as though this is another symptom of the powerful patriachy.

    • inori ezem

      March 30, 2016 at 12:51 pm

      so the women who are asking mothers sisters etc are from the sky ? they are not part of society ? Patriarchy has managed to fool women into thinking they need men or marriage even in the so called good marriages the man is the beneficiary not the woman

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      March 30, 2016 at 3:06 pm

      Mr. E, I don’t know if you ever lived in nigeria but from my own experience of existing as a singleton in that country, I can tell you that men are also and very complicit in marriage shaming as well.

      Okada man who hits your car, “you no go follow your mates, go marry”
      Taxi driver you get into an argument with because he who won’t bring your change, “no be woman you be? After all, I fit marry you keep for house”
      Seemingly educated male friend, commenting on another female, “She needs to go get married, instead of acting like a big girl”

      And on it goes. The examples I gave, by the way, are actual scenarios that I’ve been in (& that last one in particular has made me always wonder what remarks that person has made about my own single self). So, yes, marriage shaming is very symptomatic of the patriarchy that pervades our society.

  3. shut up jo

    March 30, 2016 at 9:32 am

    Kemi shut up
    Always in the news for silly things

    Shey your head no correct ni? Did they shame Danielle Saul?

    She was depressed and did that cos she wasnt happy seeing her friends get married

    You should rather deal with envy and jealousy in your life

    • Bey

      March 30, 2016 at 9:55 am

      Did dis girl offend you in a past life or smthn. oga o

    • kuku

      March 30, 2016 at 10:34 am

      SMH , darling *shut up jo*!

  4. solution

    March 30, 2016 at 9:34 am

    The solution is what National Assembly members were saying that yall crucified them for.

    Share a man with a best friend!

    1 man 7 ladies…..lets go there

    • Egusi Soup

      March 30, 2016 at 9:53 am

      What is this one syaing?

    • solution

      March 30, 2016 at 11:05 am

      Egusi soup has blocked your line of reasoning if you cant simply comprehend the solution to girls killing themselves over lack of husbands

  5. oohSoNawtii

    March 30, 2016 at 9:36 am

    Oh puhlease! Women need to be honest with themselves for once! If you are feeling depressed because you are approaching 30 and yet to marry, do some deep thinking and you will realise that no one is pressuring you more than YOU yourself. The biggest challenge in this situation is not society, rather it’s JEALOUSY and LACK OF CONTENTMENT.

    Let’s be real regarding that woman who killed herself. She did so because she was overwhelmed by her own desires, thoughts and jealousy of married friends.

    Keep blaming society for everything ok! mtchewww

    • Californiabawlar

      March 30, 2016 at 1:24 pm

      Oh ohhhh…. You just put my thoughts clearly. It is one thing to be depressed due to loneliness….it’s a totally different mindset to go down that line due to personal desires and because others have it and you don’t.
      I’m sorry if I’m sticking to my tough love stance on this….no ones mother or Aunty will push them to suicide…if you notice they’re bugging you, cut them off! Or at the very least, reduce contact with them to a minimum.
      One of the first things we were trained against as kiddos was ojukokoro….how it’s now okay as an adult I don’t know…
      RIP to the deceased…let the living live and learn. I surely have!

  6. The girl who eats bush meat & drinks palmy

    March 30, 2016 at 9:44 am

    If only i had a dollar for every time i have been asked” when will you marry?”
    I have told everyone that i am married to money. ( i am committed to working for money). Nothing else matters except my health & God.
    My mother & i are currently estranged due to her lack of mothering skills or wife skills( my poor late father). I would not wish her upon anyone & she expects me to forget as if i have no memory. She keeps asking me to marry and i keep telling her that she was not a good role model of what a wife should be! That usually shuts her up!
    Anyways, ignore the people who keep asking this & remember if you live in Nigeria; it is extremely difficult!

  7. tosin

    March 30, 2016 at 10:26 am

    Nawa o,every1 wants to get married, d married 1ce want a break. In this part of the world were males are favoured above females, staying married is tuff work. It’s well. Biko y can’t we just have partners baby mum n baby dad, no ring on it. Just partners freedom to do shakara n walk away go dey.

  8. madman

    March 30, 2016 at 10:27 am

    This girl who committed suicide was depressed. If she got married and divorced, she would still commit suicide. There’s no marriage shaming here.

    Plus, people desire to feel wanted, she didn’t feel wanted. Such is life.

  9. tosin

    March 30, 2016 at 10:29 am

    When I see girls sooo happy after a proposal, im like wtf, he should b d happy 1. U are stuck With his dumb ass 4 d rest of ur life, doing wife,mummy and in law things. Lolll

    • Ikido

      March 30, 2016 at 2:13 pm

      Eh ya, how bad was the break-up?

    • Pompey

      March 30, 2016 at 3:16 pm

      Your attempt at sarcastic humor fell flat on its face.

    • Somany sad ladies!

      March 30, 2016 at 4:33 pm

      @tosin U are just a frustrated person! How do u know a guy who proposes is not as happy as d lady. Guys nd girls just xpress their emotions differently. While i like 2think of myself as an emotional person, its easier 2 for tears 2 roll down my cheeks while laffing at a joke than when am in pain!
      – “u are stock with his dumb ass” sweetheart d fact that u ve only met dumb ass gys in ur life, dosnt give u d rite 2judge others…there alot of ladies with happy homes…read som of d comments and u wud know that not every sister is as sad as u! D owner of d blog fr instance is married! I know that while this blog has alot of intellectuals, it also seems 2b a converging point for broken ladies! But dear learn from d happy ones.

  10. OJ

    March 30, 2016 at 10:30 am

    I really dont feel like bashing anybody today….i just wana sit back and enjoy the comments, waiting for who will get on my bad side

    • Flipping heck!

      March 30, 2016 at 10:40 am

      Lol. See this one oh!

      Get over yourself abeg

    • OJ

      March 30, 2016 at 2:34 pm

      e dey pain u nii??

    • Kanyin

      March 30, 2016 at 3:18 pm

      OJ is that the best you could come up with? Why are you even on this blog?
      Since you seem upset at any and everything, why not go and start your own? You were kind of funny at first but now you’re just pathetic.

    • Say what

      March 30, 2016 at 10:58 am

      “waiting for who will get on your bad side” because you are who?! it’s like you don’t realize people have a life outside BN with real things to do, smh.

    • Corolla

      March 30, 2016 at 12:14 pm

      Sitting on BN waiting for comments. Agbaya jati jati.

  11. 30plus

    March 30, 2016 at 10:50 am

    What did I not see once I hit 30. I saw the worst pressure from my mother. I had to resort to surprise visits when it became apparent that I was sure to encounter pastors and their teams waiting for me to step foot into the house. The innuendos were easy to ignore. Or is it relatives that ignore when you tell them that you are very content as you are, and still go ahead to try all possible means to match you with guys. For the less subtle situations, dodging phone calls and cutting conversations became an art. If you live in Nigeria, there is a lot of pressure. In as much that one does ones best to ignore, it is indeed a difficult situation

    • Mercygal

      March 30, 2016 at 4:01 pm

      its only God that will help us ladies that are up to 30…. the mockery and caricature from friends and so called loved ones is another joke

  12. Tatem

    March 30, 2016 at 11:06 am

    For me Its worse than that, everybody is ready the bf, the mum, everybody I keep praying they don’t push me to the wedding alter and I do a runaway bride on them, I am just not ready to get married and that’s just what I feel, any mention of marriage and I feel sick to my stomach I love him but that juxx want am facing,
    Am sure there is something wrong with me
    The fam searching for an event center and sometimes I think my bf wants to get me pregnant so I can’t make the decision faster imagine the Manipulation
    It hurts, I juxx want to leave where I am juxx leave them here
    Thank God the thoughts of finding the green viens on my hands and taking a knife to tear it open and watch the red dots stop
    It has stopped.
    I have now thrown my self to my business
    I pray I figure it out.

    • Juxx?

      March 30, 2016 at 12:58 pm

      What is it with the “juxx”? Very distracting.

    • Ring her

      March 30, 2016 at 7:13 pm

      Juxxx take it easy and don’t be clapping back at someone that is trying to open before y’all juxx allow the lady get suicidal again.
      Juxx be careful english monitor

    • O

      March 30, 2016 at 8:34 pm


  13. Natu

    March 30, 2016 at 11:20 am

    Can we just drop this marriage talk. This is what I call overkill. Most of you are not emotionally, mentally, spiritually and financially ready for marriage. Some of you are just obssessed with the idea of marriage. You cannot seek for love in a man. You will end up dissapointed!! Focus on loving God because his love is pure and genuine. Seek for God’s validation and approval.

    • maka

      March 30, 2016 at 1:52 pm

      Natu you’ve spoken well…
      anyone that ask me i tell them I’m married to Jesus!! 🙂

    • gista

      March 30, 2016 at 3:31 pm

      Natu, if you don’t mind, can we be friends? You come across as someone who’s got their game together. My email is [email protected] thanks

    • Natu

      March 30, 2016 at 10:34 pm

      Of course we can be friends.

    • Anifowose

      March 30, 2016 at 3:54 pm

      Natu is on a roll ke. ?

    • a fellow sister

      March 30, 2016 at 5:25 pm

      Natu biko reply me, abeg. Were you not atheist or egnostic before? This conversion is new right? Please Im confused, answer me. I remember people attacking you for your atheist like comment some time ago. Please share your story oh. Please. Maybe some of us can be saved. Tell us how you found Christ biko, Natu Im begging o.

    • Natu

      March 30, 2016 at 6:52 pm

      @a fellow sister I was never an atheist. Yes I believe in equality. That’s includes gender equality, racial equality. Sexual equality (LGBTQ) , equality for the disabled and poor. I can still practice equality and worship God. Have I cleared up your confusion?

  14. Tru

    March 30, 2016 at 11:52 am

    It’s sad. And yes, we do pressure ourselves.
    See the number of pastors and programmes my mom wanted to drag me to over marriage. See the condescending looks and snickers from relatives because of marriage. Never mind that I have a good job and i put myself through school for my MBA. All these don’t count because of Almighty Marriage. And my mom tells me that all these actions from herself and relatives is because they care!
    I have learned to distance myself from people or environments over this marriage issue. It will happen when the time is right. I make a concious effort to NOT put myself under pressure. It’s not easy, but Iike Kemi said, it can be done.

  15. Fola Coco

    March 30, 2016 at 12:45 pm

    Don’t even know what to say…When are you getting married? Don’t you think u should get pregnant by someone and at least have a child? You better don’t be choosy,who ever comes u better just say yes. Why are you not in a relationship? Why are u single? Why are you not dating? You better marry a married man and be a 2nd wife..What are you still waiting for? When u don’t go out how will u meet people or be married sef…You better start going to ori-oke(prayer mountain) and fasting…You better marry any man whether his educated or not..You are too old to be picky ooo. All your aburos and friends are married o..You attend a wedding or naming and everyone keeps saying ni oruko jesu,ti e na a de(in jesus name yours will come too)..And the list goes on…

    My mum has never pressured me,yes she says Awon boyfriend nko? And i say they are in their fathers house o…Truth is what i can handle another person may not be able to handle. Some people’s strength and will power is stronger than others..What some women are going through as a married woman,some would have been divorced long ago.

    I find it interesting(and sometimes funny,even though it’s not) when my friends who are 30,31,35 lament and complain about not being married yet. I will be 40 next year don’t even have a boyfriend and i haven’t been in a relationship in a while. But i am oddly calm and not shaken or moved by it(but that’s me)..Do i have the desire to marry? Yes. But i am not desperate,if it happens fine,if not am ok with it..I think most times women just want to be in a meaningful relationship,where both parties genuinely love and care for each other(if it in turn leads to marriage fine,if not fine also)
    When u also have a disability it even makes it sorta worse..At least she was whole,even had a job as a BDM.. Guess our shock absorber is quite different.. I would rather marry late and be happy forever,than have it any other way..Or be single and be sane and happy.. To each his own. We need to find happiness within us 1st,really this marriage tingy is not that deep..Being married may not have even given her the happiness and joy she wanted..Its ok to b single,relationship/marriage is work and only pays or yields fruits if u are with a partner who’s ready to work at it..

    Sorry for the epistle

    • Mr. Egghead

      March 30, 2016 at 1:06 pm

      Please don’t apologize for this lovely epistle

    • tinu

      March 30, 2016 at 2:53 pm

      My Aunt got married at 44 last year. she has a child now but she is so happy now Just trust God.

  16. Wifey

    March 30, 2016 at 1:39 pm

    Am 26 and married but everyday I wish am still single cuz I feel deep down dat I wud be more happy and wud av achieve more, suntimz I Jt look at pple tapping into unnecessary blessing on proposal,pre wedding pix and wedding decor and d likes, I experienced all of it and I still feel unfulfilled, d ‘wonder man’ before d wedding is no more wonderful,i have a gud job and I spent all my money on d house,i Jt realise dat av bin manipulated all along. Even his pastor told me den dat if I didn’t marry him my life will be unsettled, imagine d naive me accepting such. Naw all I have to love and hold till death do us part is my baby boy. D marriage is Jt one year oooo. Plz be single, achieve more, be careful and listen to pple observations about ur partner becuz dey see more Dan u. Don’t be pressured and don’t let anyone manipulate u even our soo called pastors and anytime d depression of bin single cums to ur mind rem does dat are frustrated, unhappy &managing marriage.

  17. Nene

    March 30, 2016 at 1:48 pm

    Honestly it’s women who put pressure on themselves.i think kemi secretly wants to get married, she cares too much about her single status. You never see Rita Dominic talk about marriage. Be happy with urself, nobody can make u do what u don’t want to do, especially when you’re over the age of 30 and you are financially independent.

    • Nosybums

      May 13, 2016 at 12:17 pm

      She’s just telling you all to F off. Her marital statis is None of your biz.

  18. Winny

    March 30, 2016 at 2:09 pm

    I thank God for my mum, who always prays that it will happen one day and never ask or pester like some of my friends mum, who have turn it to a do or die affair all because they want to sell aso ebi. The worse place is even in the church when you are active, you keep hearing different comments, we are praying for you, you are next in line, yes it is not easy when you see the ones given birth to in your presence getting married but you tend to just live with it and be happy because that is all that matters.

  19. Blessed

    March 30, 2016 at 2:14 pm

    Mtchewwww is being married going to take you heaven? Am married but abeg the thing dey tire person joor!

  20. Ifepe nnennia

    March 30, 2016 at 2:27 pm

    The truth still remains that marriage is honourable and sweet when we marry the right person.there will be challenges but it’s worth it if you are with the right person however one need not settle for less all because of societal pressure

  21. Aderonke

    March 30, 2016 at 2:44 pm

    Sad…the lady killed herself. Wish she just held on a little longer.
    I married at 35 and most of my friends were married like forever before I got married….it wasn’t easy especially when they talk about kids and family stuff. And I was yet to get a boo, still had a long way abi?
    However, I had great friends that never made me feel out of place and I also didn’t stand aloof. I joined in their discussions to listen and learn. It motivated me more to wait and trust God for my own man not the “perfect guy” but my friend and companion.
    While waiting i got involved with developing myself, building my dreams, my career and my life project. I started an NGO and got to involved with a lot of things.
    I got busy because they say the “idle hands and mind is the devil’s workshop” . I chose to impact lives and also make me a better person for boo! *winks*
    I had my down moments, my self pity times, especially watching romantic movies kai….lol etc. Sometimes I cry and I almost missed it, I got involved with “the shadow of the boo” but God restored me and I got up, dusted myself and got more involved in my projects.
    As usual my mum was same like most mums, church prayers, hooking up things from Aunties etc but when I removed the attention from me and focused on helping others helped my married friends babysit, arrange hangout times, help the needy etc, God smiled at me and answered when I least expected.
    Boo was’t far, just right behind the corner, a friend that I have known for years. Like they say “what you are looking for in your Sokoto is right in your sokoto (pocket)”
    And within 2years…the Lord has blessed us beyond words, I have kids already in 2years and like a dear friend told me…. “Hang one sweet when yours will come, the Lord will give you speed that you will meet us on the way and overtake us”. And truly I am overtaking…lool.
    It is no competition friends, it is about TIME & CHANCE (God’s grace)!
    So hold on a little more, marriage is awesome with the right friend and companion!
    Another big friend of mine will be getting married in two weeks time at 42years, alot of such are out there and they will rather live to experience it than allow the devil steal their joy!

    *covering face*…My apologies for long epistle! I hope my story helps someone to hang on!

    • Anifowose

      March 30, 2016 at 3:57 pm

      Aww God bless you for sharing your story

    • Californiabawlar

      March 30, 2016 at 4:02 pm

      Thank you so much for telling the uplifting truth and not just contributing to the pity party! Thanks for showing us how to CHOOSE joy and selflessness. Thanks for letting us know that it works. Thank you.

  22. Mz Socially Awkward...

    March 30, 2016 at 3:35 pm

    Currently on holiday with my mum and in the catching up I’ve been doing with her, I’ve come to realise that marriage shaming seems to have gone up a level and is now being applied to parents of the unmarried.

    I mean some of the things which she told me…. My God. I was angry, Lord knows I was boiling with rage deep within my soul. Is it the uncle who asked what’s wrong with her daughters? And yet…. This man’s daughter is married to a man who’s on the run from the EFCC. Her husband has to move them around from one location to the other, to stay ahead of the law and her own father doesn’t always know where his daughter and grandkids are. Same uncle came a-borrowing money from my mother quite recently because his dodgy son-in-law couldn’t make rent, yet he has the gall to ask why my mother’s daughters aren’t married. Uncle, if husband na wetin your daughter bring return from market, then I have every reason to use her as an example of why not to rush into marriages.

    And there is the friend, who made insensitive comments that now require my mother to avoid her like the plague. The thing with this particular friend of my mum’s is… Her son went through a really bad patch of living in the states and just not getting anywhere so he eventually had to move back to nigeria and get a job there. Now, how tactless would my mother have been if she’d kept asking this woman why her son can’t be like others who’ve managed to find success in the same situation?

    In other words, why are my family and I not allowed to make disparaging remarks to people who or whose children haven’t achieved certain things at a certain time of my their lives? We’d seem like insensitive dicks, no? Nna, everyone needs to face their own challenges oh. Solve the problems in your own backyard oh… because the leash on my tongue can only hold itself for so long before I let rip. Maybe, after pouring the fullness of my wrath out on some unsuspecting busybody, they’ll be vindicated in their hearts and say, “Ehen! No wonder she never marry!! With her bad mouth, who fit keep am for house???”.

    *Evil grin*

  23. Somany sad ladies!

    March 30, 2016 at 4:29 pm

    U are just a frustrated person! How do u know a guy who proposes is not as happy as d lady. Guys nd girls just xpress their emotions differently. While i like 2think of myself as an emotional person, its easier 2 for tears 2 roll down my cheeks while laffing at a joke than when am in pain!
    – “u are stock with his dumb ass” sweetheart d fact that u ve only met dumb ass gys in ur life, dosnt give u d rite 2judge others…there alot of ladies with happy homes…read som of d comments and u wud know that not every sister is as sad as u! D owner of d blog fr instance is married! I know that while this blog has alot of intellectuals, it also seems 2b a converging point for broken ladies! But dear learn from d happy ones.

  24. Mercygal

    March 30, 2016 at 5:32 pm


  25. Yesisaidit

    March 30, 2016 at 5:33 pm






    • vik

      March 30, 2016 at 7:47 pm

      And wat will u achieve wen u post their names?

    • Someonecute

      March 30, 2016 at 7:58 pm

      Lol. So what will you achieve by posting names of divorced couples. You sound really troubled. Rejoicing in the unfortunate plight of others will make your miserable self feel better right? You better look up at the reasonable comments here and start to grow success yourself while you wait. If you don’t want to view the BN weddings, then don’t! Dem force you? You can as well stop attending weddings as well, bcos you are bitter and think it will all end in divorce. BN will not post such comments so pls vamoose to SDK!

  26. Frosh

    March 30, 2016 at 6:51 pm

    we are kindred spirits Tosin, i used to feel like the only one that thinks like that and i am soooo for that partner ish like yesterday…smh, jumping upandan when what is waiting for you is a life of changing diapers, hearing mummy, mummy, left and right, chasing kids, making lunch, dinner, bfast, then still looking frosh for oga need i go on…?

  27. Tinu

    March 30, 2016 at 7:26 pm

    Kemi why are you using this avenue to encourage your self? Are you starting to feel the strain of single life after having slept with all these industry boys and non of them put a ring on it? Instead they are marrying rich daddies girls one after the other. It is well, the lord will do it for you In Jesus name. By the way, this story has nothing to do with marriage shaming but more to do with self worth and depression.

    Also most adults that are ask when younger ones are getting married are just asking because they want the best for you, nothing more or less. It is mostly ladies that once they are past 30 they put the pressure on themselves not anyone else. They start acting desperate and looking depressed. If someone asks you when you will be married you simply say am waiting on the lord and when God keeps hearing your prayers he will surely do something.. Shikena!

    • Sigh

      March 30, 2016 at 10:33 pm


      A woman who has achieved anything in this country must have slept with some “big boys” in her industry.

      Such shallow thinking is getting us nowhere quickly.

    • Bimbo

      March 30, 2016 at 11:01 pm

      You are a troubled person. Mean and nasty.

  28. nwakaego

    March 30, 2016 at 8:06 pm

    Natu..someone asked for your hand in friendship….come on now don’t keep her waiting…. ?

  29. Josephine

    March 30, 2016 at 10:17 pm

    Its wonderful to love God but He won’t keep you warm at night. Most people don’t want to keep changing partners. They want to settle down with one person to share their lives, hopes and dreams with and start a family. Its a wonderful thing and that’s why people are obsessed with it. It comes at different times for each of us but just because its late doesn’t mean we should pretend we don’t crave it.

  30. tosin

    March 31, 2016 at 3:19 am

    @ somanysadladies, I wouldn’t insult u,biko if my opinion is making you sad then u really need help, it’s my opinion.
    @ frosh,thanks jare.

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