Hello BellaNaijarians, we received this email from a BNer on Monday and we just had to share via Aunty Bella.
This is such a difficult dilemma and we hope you can provide great advice.
Perhaps if anyone has been through something similar in the past.
Be patient as you read all the details before commenting.
*+18 Only. Reader discretion advised*
Good Morning BellaNaija and Happy Labour Day. I do not know where this epistle falls, what category so I’m just gonna pour out my thoughts and concerns into words.
Please Protect my Identity.
1. Women all over the world are being regularly advised to protect their Cookie (Vajayjay) till marriage. As it’s usually written: close your legs tight like Mami water.
- What happens when the very first time you sleep with your husband is on your wedding night?
- What happens when your husband know little or nothing about sex?
- What happens when your husband doesn’t know even how to position himself in a missionary style/position?
- What happens when you realize suddenly on that excited wedding night that you have finally entered one chance regarding sex?
- What happens when you suddenly realize you need to even show your husband where to put his penis, how to put it, how to sit on top of you, how to go in the upward and forward thrust, how to feel , how to touch you and where to even touch you? What will you do?
- Will you ever ask or advice another woman to marry without sexually been active with the spouse ?
- Do you know most men who insist on sex ONLY after marriage HAVE a somewhat problem sexually or physically ?
Well – I started reading all these things when I found out my current dilemma.
2. I know your questions, didn’t you date? Didn’t you ask him about past relationships? Bla Bla Bla…. I know, I know
Does it really matter now?
What if he told you how he wanted to marry Adamma or what happened he didn’t marry Shola anymore? You realized he told you about that but he didn’t exactly tell you about a relationship. He only told you about who he wanted to marry.
What if you realize now that even those names he wanted to marry, he was never really sexually involved with them but believe he’s of marriageable age?
Do you pray and fast for him to start learning, listening and knowing sex and understanding intimacy in marriage as you all mostly advice women to do on this blog and generally most Nigerians?
How do you pray for a miracle to happen so that a man learns the act of sex?
3. Oh, maybe he’s not attracted to you…. I laugh here.
May he doesn’t love you, also I really confidently take some juice here ….
Listen, my dear readers, commenters, writers – these are not the situation.
The situation here is :
i : He wants to learn sex truly but he’s not able to.
ii : He wants to be interested in sex and intimacy but he’s failing himself. He just can’t. He just doesn’t know how.
iii: He wants to communicate more, open up more, show love more but his confidence has left him more ashamed publicly and privately and he has innately become an angry unhappy person.
4: What have you done to help your husband with these issues?
- Have you tried to teach him? YES.
- Have you done it Continuously and consistently? YES
- Are you beautiful? Exceptional
- Do you cook for him, bath with him, Give him head, Open your legs wider, Teach him gently, advice him, talk to him, cried for him, beg him, get angry, get sad, feel like running out? YES
- Have you taken him to hospital to do some test and fertility checks? YES
- Have you taken him for Counseling and Therapy for both of you? YES
- Have you tried to talk to his mother about it? YES
- Has he ever ever tried to initiate sex, be the one to desire you and say he wants sex? NO.
- Does he enjoy sex at all in your best opinion? NO
- Has he made any effort to learn and become better? NO
- Does he maybe have a girlfriend you don’t know of ? NO and I will be soooooooooooooo happyyyyyyyy if there’s someone who can help me.
- Do you guys watch PORN together? We did and nothing happened. No, he didn’t even have an erection.
- Does he watch PORN alone? Never. No
- Maybe he enjoys maturbation? No Or I don’t know. Unsure but I think No
- Is he fat? Well yes, (chest and stomach)… Very considerate though.
- Is he educated ? YES, Degree Holder
- Is he from the village? No, been around the world and the West.
- Is He Gay? I asked and he says No.
Before you comment here for the ever first time in your life, please read and read well. Read to understand and not to comment.
Understand it’s a real life issue and currently going on.
It could happen to anyone but now it’s happening to me.
How Old is the marriage? Months Old.
What will you do? How will you go about it? What else will you apply? What new things will you introduce? What decisions will you make?
How will you handle this generally?
To curse me for not having sex before marriage will not change the situation?
We are both civil, exposed, rich , and educated.
May those with deep mature understanding to life SPEAK PLEASE, A sister really needs INSIGHTS.
Thank you all.
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