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“Marriage is not a reward for good behaviour” – Simi just schooled a Pastor for his Comments on Sexual Responsibility



Singer Simi is not one to shy away from what she believes in.

The music star has reacted to a sermon delivered by Lagos pastor Kingsley Okonkwo where he was talking about sexual responsibility with claims that God made men be more free-spirited than women.

“God put so much sexual passion in men, expecting that women will obey him by doing ‘access denied!’ so that when he wants so much sex he should marry. So, he will give you what you want and you will give him what he wants. That is how God planned it. But many women have been sabotaging themselves,” Kingsley Okonkwo said in one video uploaded on his official Instagram.

In another frame, the pastor went further to say the reason men are not getting married is that they are sexually satisfied.

“So, many women have been sabotaging themselves by giving it out,” Okonkwo added.

However, Simi said the message is infuriating and that everyone should be held responsible for their own actions.

“Everyone is responsible for their actions. Women are not donkeys to be carrying everyone’s burden. Women make mistakes too. Women get tempted too. Women fight their battles too. And women are responsible for their own actions. Might as well say God made women more emotionally vulnerable because God expected men to not take advantage of them. It’s just wrong,” Simi offered.

Kingsley Okonkwo responded to her comment on his page, saying that the intention of his message was not to assuage one gender from owning up to their actions.

“My message is quite clear… It hasn’t demeaned or but [sic] responsibility on just one sex. I can’t interpret for everyone,” The pastor commented.

Simi noted that the pastor could influence people’s thought while also encouraging him to be careful his teachings.

“As a pastor, a lot of people take your word for it, even though as Christians, we all have access to God and His word. But you have this responsibility, please be careful with it.”

Simi went further to reiterate how offensive the message was to her when she heard it.

See Video and comments between Simi and the pastor below:

View this post on Instagram

Excepts from the Manual…. to get full message go to www.lovedatingandmarriage. Org or reach @ldmwithpk PLS NOTE they were only WOMEN in this hall (about 2000 of them) so the message was for women, we also speak to men, the male version was held a week after and had thousands of men too (titled MANDATE ) message also available on the website so pls don't come and say what of the men…. And if you still want to know why we kind of address wome more it's simple- women are the ones affected more by bad relationships, women are the ones that feel used when sex is involved, women get pregnant, women abort or stay with the baby, women deal with the shame so that's why we try to protect women. Oh and by the way I agree that more should be done to mentor men and we are already working on different things to achieve that.

A post shared by Kingsley Okonkwo (@kingsleypst) on

Photo Credit: @thelexash for @symplysimi


  1. didi

    March 18, 2019 at 12:55 pm

    I dont get what @simi is fussing about. What pastor is saying is true. Some women have enslaved themselves to men at all cost even if it cost their dignity and esteem. Where is the mistake she’s talking about? When you dont even set a standard for yourself you are bound to keep making mistakes. So simi please chill, i guess something else is eating you up. I am not happy this pastor answered her.

  2. didi

    March 18, 2019 at 1:02 pm

    Yes marriage is not a REWARD FOR GOOD BEHAVIOUR still, being cheap and giving every guy you date SEX does not guarantee marriage at the end, even if you eventually marry he treats you like a dirt. Its the law of nature guyz, no man places value on WHAT COMES EASY no matter the gender.

    • Mawi

      March 18, 2019 at 3:19 pm

      You clearly don’t understand her point.

    • foodie

      March 18, 2019 at 3:19 pm

      This stupid mentality that sex is given by women, and taken by men, is why we have so much bullshit in our society. It is because of the foolish mentality, that you and people that think like you, keep women in bondage, telling them to save themselves and be pious, but you never teach the men. You say men are more free and adventurous, who says women aren’t. Then you have a situation where the perfectly taught women are married to uncontrolled men, because you keep saying men can’t be controlled. Teach your sons how to be good husbands, and that includes self control, instead of coming here all the time, preaching and burdening girls with responsibilities they’re not supposed to have.

  3. mz_danielz

    March 18, 2019 at 3:20 pm

    I have to agree with Sinmi.

    This man was just repeating rhetorics.

    God has always demanded chastity from both men and women and marriage is actually to fulfill the need for companionship in people. And sex is an urge both males and females posses, infact, if not for society, lots of females would f**k and move on.

    Both men and women dream of getting married from childhood just that society tells the man that he should focus on more and tells the woman that marriage was all she had to aspire to.

    And there are people both male and female who genuinely do not want to marry.

    People will be using the bible to oppress people; that’s how the ancient church preached that good women do not enjoy sex.

    • Kamer sista

      March 19, 2019 at 12:09 pm

      THANKS!!! I’ve said this same thing with a “man of God” (wathever that means) and although surprised, he at least understood my point which is basically: It’s time we go back to the principles as described in the Bible and resfrain from using our personal ways of thinking/cultural background/education to prrach the message of the Bible. The more I listen to some of the pastors, evangelists etc. The more I understand why 1/God wanted and created a way so that anyone willing could have direct access to Him. 2/He warned us all from adding to/ or taking anything out of His word. He definitely knew what was to come…

    • Ify

      March 19, 2019 at 12:37 pm

      The message was to women because honestly when sex is involved in a relationship that doesn’t end well, it is the ladies that get hurt not the guys. Sex is a strong tool and the message is trying to tell u not to treat sex as a common act.

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