Man, this week has been crazy, hasn’t it? Not a lot went down, but the things that did, blood of God, did they cause fire or what?
Let’s just get to it for those who were perhaps under a rock (or had their phones crashed because of software update) this week (sorry).
Business Class Seat Palava
We were inside our homes and offices, avoiding the rain, when gbege came to meet us inside. Apparently, up in the skies, according to Tonye Cole, some muscle-chested, tattooed Nigerian youth had had the effrontery to ask for his seat from Nobel laureate Wole Soyinka.
What we found most interesting about the whole thing was the divide between the older generation and today’s youths. While the older ones on blogs and social media and WhatsApp insisted that the Nigerian youth should have given up his seat for Wole Soyinka, younger people said the line between wrong and right is clear, and the young man wasn’t wrong. It was his seat.
One particular thing we’d like to put to rest is that argument about how you’re supposed to give up your seat for old people and pregnant women and disabled folks. See, dear people. That’s only relevant in cases where you see them standing. Where they are inconvenienced. Wole Soyinka wasn’t asked to hold pole. If we both have a seat, seats assigned to us, then, plis dear, go to your seat. Thainz.
Me if I found Wole Soyinka sitting in my seat: pic.twitter.com/Rj204bOoaB
— Hot Boy J'onn Dough (@TJaiye) June 24, 2019
Wole Soyinka watching someone he just knew existed 30 minutes ago go to war over a seat he’s prepared to abandon.
— Tolúlọpẹ́ (@tolusaba) June 24, 2019
bearded tattooed guy: Excuse me sir, you’re in my seat
Every other person : Don’t you know Wole Soyinka?
— Dapper Don (@skinnyniggr) June 24, 2019
Local man meets Wole Soyinka on his seat in the airplane. *stares in consternation*
Prof Wole: Why lookest thou?
Local man: pic.twitter.com/cTMGbzYr3P
— Jadesola Pepper Yoyo (@Djadesolah) June 24, 2019
I went on the online to book window seat. I reach inside plane and I see Wole Soyinka in the seat that I had booked since and paid money. I tell him I want to seat in MY own seat and y'all telling me I'm rude and mannerless for demanding that Wole Soyinka stand up from MY seat?
— Laolao (@itz_laolao) June 24, 2019
Wole Soyinka was the kind of young man to ask for his seat.
— Rafiki (@zzyzx91) June 24, 2019
For those saying "I would have used the opportunity to talk to Wole Soyinka…"
Well, I have shared a seat with Wole Soyinka at the OR Tambo in South Africa waiting for a flight. Everyone who tried to talk to him was declined with a hand wave.
To Jesus be your glory.
— Joey St. Louis (@JoeyAkan) June 24, 2019
Any diligent reader of Wole Soyinka will know that he would have insisted on his seat as a young man.
Yes, our culture demands respect for elders. But undue entitlement by senior citizens, especially when the premise is wrong, should always be resisted. That's why we are here.
— Ayò Bánkólé (@AyoBankole) June 24, 2019
I really think Wole Soyinka might just have been cheekily hoping the person in the seat wouldn’t turn up. The caption says he quietly moved. The problem is the Tony guy who posted it. Embarrassing.
— Fisayo Longe (@FisayoLonge) June 24, 2019
Says the man who in 2006 insulted the same Wole Soyinka anyhow because WS criticized OBJ. The man who insulted Chinua Achebe in 2004 because CA turned down a National Honour.
Uncle Femi, please go back to your seat. https://t.co/QCn7Pdic61
— tolu ogunlesi (@toluogunlesi) June 24, 2019
‘He ruined an opportunity to start a conversation with WS’
‘What I would give for just 45 minutes with WS’
You guys are really convincing yourselves you have what it takes to impress Wole Soyinka as if we don’t see your tweets and know how you think.
— Mocha?? (@raychellered) June 24, 2019
Some of you are acting like Wole Soyinka stood up and held pole for the entire trip. ?????
— Strawberry Ice cream (non dairy) (@t3niola) June 24, 2019
Federal Road as a Helipad
See, if you’re rich you’re rich. At least, that’s what the people are saying about this helicopter landing on Benin/Ore Road.
The story that trended was that a rich man got tired of being stuck in traffic like the rest of us. So what did he do? He called to have a chopper come pick him up. Boss!
Another theory even said the chopper picked up a billionaire’s girlfriend. Even bossier!
However, in a report by BBC, it was revealed that the the chopper actually was there to pick up a stroke victim. That’s what the chopper services people said. But, as that version is not sweet, no one is paying it any attention.
In-country inequalities explained at its height. Passenger decides to get a *helicopter* pick him/her in the middle of an hectic traffic along Lagos/Benin Expressway. pic.twitter.com/dedEW3WOik
— Abiola Oyebanjo (@abiola1864) June 24, 2019
I just witness Big Dick Energy in it's full inimitable grandeur. Mad traffic along Benin Ore road this morning. After about two hours of complete STANDSTILL suddenly we saw an helicopter hovering around looking for a spot to land. In a flash soldiers had cleared a landing zone.
— Capt Oluwakinzo (@wandelakanu) June 23, 2019
The rich are so disconnected from some realities in Nigeria. If you travel from Lagos to Benin, or from Enugu to Port Harcourt, you'll realise that we have a very irresponsible government.
Before you attack me, I rarely use those roads and I can call a helicopter to pick me up.
— Arinze Odira (@CaptainArinze) June 26, 2019
So there was made holdup along Lagos Benin expressway… this dude just control helicopter ? to come pick am up after wasting 5hours on a particular spot… omor c levels… Hustle ohh!!!!! pic.twitter.com/UL2vbjx1QX
— Unsure P (@LVwede) June 24, 2019
Still think MONEY cant buy HAPPINESS?
Remember the man stuck in traffic on Benin Ore road. How do you think he felt while stuck? How do you think he felt when the helicopter came? What paid for the helicopter?
— Reno Omokri (@renoomokri) June 26, 2019
A helicopter landed on Lagos-Benin road to pick someone out of the traffic.
God When? pic.twitter.com/PBrbKRGFpY
— thisTEMI (@thisTEMI) June 24, 2019
An helicopter picked up a VIP who got stuck in traffic on the Lagos Benin Expressway.
See ehn… Money stops nonsense.
Hustle ohhhhhh pic.twitter.com/KJrdKJtESW
— HelenOzor_ (@HelenOzor_) June 23, 2019
Yay for Gender Equality in Nigeria as NFF Owes both Super Falcons & Eagles
But that’s where the equality ended sha. Because, after NFF denied owing Super Falcons money, they later revealed that although the Federal Government has released money to them, they can only pay the Super Eagles.
Wait. Did we say the Super Falcons and the Eagles had a sit in, the former refusing to leave their hotel after crashing out of the World Cup, and the latter refusing to train for their Nations Cup match? Anyway. There. you now know.
What did the people have to say?
"Super Falcons stage sit-in at France WWC over unpaid bonuses" -ESPN
This is unbelievable! After the embarrassment the @thenff caused in the last women's world cup? Can these guys not be tried for fraud or at least breach of contract?
— The Seeker (@The_Seeker76) June 23, 2019
Super Falcons refusing to leave their hotel until their share of the FIFA money is paid. NFF say they have paid all outstanding allowances and the FIFA money won’t come until after the tournament https://t.co/2f6tXZMaCP #Embarrassment
— Colin NOT Collins (@ColinUdoh) June 23, 2019
2. Well, I like the action taken by the super Falcons players staging a sit- in protest last night, refusing to leave their hotel room in France until all of their outstanding bonuses are paid. 9ja must have sense by force.#TommysDarts
— Tommy Hans (@olutomidehans) June 23, 2019
Another International Embarrassment loading for Nigeria
Super Falcons are staging a sit-in in their hotel in France and refusing to leave until they are paid their bonuses.
There's no Dalung so this embarrassment should reduce by 50%
When are we going to do better?#Nigeria
— JFK | #InnovateNigeria (@JudeFeranmi) June 23, 2019
The U-20 players staged a sit in protest in Poland over bonus wahala and now the Super Falcons have followed suit on the same issue. Is it not time we call out NFF and officially write to FIFA to intervene since CAF is sleeping. This is a national disgrace
— abbeylivenetwork (@abbeyliveradio) June 23, 2019
While Tolu tries hard to distract you with "Onye Nkuzi's gatemen"; our Super Falcons are on a sit in strike. It's on Al Jazeerah.
— Onye Nkuzi (@cchukudebelu) December 7, 2016
Honestly if this is not ??, I will say the super Eagles should just play on, they will pay them later. But we know. Yes we know! We are Mad in this country.
Dead @NGSuperEagles if they fail to honor any agreement they had with you again, I'll support your strike again
— Adebayo Ademola (@Adebayo98) June 26, 2019
Super Eagles are on strike because of unpaid bonuses just after one match says it all about our country.
— Ebuka Okafor (@IsakaViktar) June 26, 2019
Kim Kardashian is no stranger to controversies; but this one, this one might just take the cake.
Kim came up with her own line of shape wear (a bit unimaginative line, if you ask us, considering how it just lifts off what a few people are already doing, including her husband. But you didn’t ask us, did you?) and decided to name is Kimono. Which is where the gbege is.
As you probably know, Kimono, of Japanese origin, is that loose robe with big sleeves and a sash. People have criticized Mrs. West for appropriating Japanese culture, especially for trademarking the name, and using it for underwear.
Kim has defended herself, saying she deeply respects the Japanese culture. Still, the criticisms pour in. #KimOhNo
— TutuManatee (@thea8p) June 26, 2019
— Ifey (@Chuckwu77) June 26, 2019
— . (@icybabez) June 26, 2019
*everyone mad at Kim because she’s appropriating Japanese culture.* #KimOhNo
Black women: pic.twitter.com/2dZbvDzquN
— raveen ?? (@xoraveen) June 26, 2019
The year is 2039. A child is asked what a kimono is. They reply with "Kim Kardashian's shapewear range."
And there begins the gradual erasure & dilution of the kimono's rich cultural history for future generations. One of many reasons why trademarking it is NOT OKAY #KimOhNo
— Sayuri Standing (@sayeliz) June 27, 2019
I'm a kimono designer.
I strongly object to and protest against that Kim Cardasian name her underwear brand #kimono and she register trandemark.
The history of kimono in Japan is about 1225years.#大拡散希望 #kimono#KimOhNo @KimKardashian pic.twitter.com/yIVOYXuaRl
— 川原マリア@6/25-7/4ラフォーレ原宿出店 (@mariaria108_new) June 27, 2019
It’s not a “controversial” name. Kimono is a Japanese traditional attire. It’s controversial because she not only named her underwear brand Kimono, but also trademarked it. Kimono has been and is our culture for centuries. She’s ignorant, insensitive, and disrespectful. #KimOhNo https://t.co/V4R0Ne8XsT
— Ayako O. (@AyakoJackieO) June 26, 2019
Kimono is neither underwair, gown, bathrobe nor a joke of a rich designer.
This is our Japanese culture. Not hers.
And, certainly she named this after understanding it.
— お る る (@olululululuo) June 27, 2019
Kim Kardashian told the news that she has a great respect for the Japanese people and thinks that because she is making shape wear that it doesn't matter. #KimOhNo She is oblivious as to how this demeans the Japanese people. What culture will she demean next?????
— Inquisitor (@WhattheFox12) June 27, 2019
We Finally Get a Robust Response
It took us six years and how many sexual assault/harassment/rape allegations to get here. Praise Jah!
We woke up Friday to see the babanla of allegations. It quickly clarified Timi Dakolo‘s annual May accusations. His wife, the photographer Busola Dakolo, in an interview with Chude Jideonwo, revealed that she was allegedly sexually abused by the Commonwealth of Zion Assembly (COZA)’s Pastor Biodun Fatoyinbo.
After his flock asked that he address this allegation (he’s never addressed any before), the “Global Senior Pastor” somehow brought his church into it and said they’d be suing any and everyone who has accused (and will accuse) him of rape. He had never raped anyone before, he said, not even when he was an “unbeliever.”
In all of this, one thing we can’t get out of our heads is the implication, what it means, when he’s preaching in church and his congregants tell him “ride on, Pastor.” ?
Let’s clear this up!
No one owes you their sexual violence experience UNTIL they are READY to share it, so quit asking “why she never came forward much earlier.”
Wait, is Biodun Fatoyinbo the ONLY pastor in Nigeria? Why aren’t the victims pointing to someone else? Think please!
— Oluwaseun Ayodeji Osowobi (@AyodejiOsowobi) June 29, 2019
Dear Pastor Biodun Fatoyinbo of #COZA, there are over 4 public allegations in 6 years between 2013 to 2019 against you.
Over 30 women have agreed to speak up and have their stories also told.
What story will you tell your two female children if found guilty? pic.twitter.com/A6WmtAevHW
— Ọládélé Dàda (@realoladele) June 29, 2019
2, CAN kept mum without reason
3 Nigerians to protest against Evil Pastors
— Just Event online (@Justeventonline) June 29, 2019
Biodun Fatoyinbo is a joke… He made a watery Press Release on Instagram. He disabled comments but enabled it for his WhatsApp group members. We are familiar with stuff like this ???????
— Tosin (@Donteewrites) June 29, 2019
#IstandwithBusolaDakolo AGAINST Biodun Fatoyinbo, not because it's the popular stance.
I'm simply CONVINCED that rape is EVIL, a scourge that must be dealt with.
If you're so perverted to consider/support rape, I'd suggest you build a career in the wanking industry.
— Afụ Nwa na Tuwita! (@iam_realjayson) June 29, 2019
Women: Speak your truth, open up , a rapist must be made to pay for his crime
Busola Dakolo: COZA Pastor Biodun Fatoyinbo raped me when I was 17..
Women: Liar, why are you speaking after so many years? He was not a pastor then. You're trying to bring down a man of God
— Jèfé Juan José (@Jefe_says) June 28, 2019
I believe Busola Dakolo. Pastor Biodun Fatoyinbo has been accused too many times. CHRISTIAN ASSOCIATION OF NIGERIA!
You’re hypocrites,ask him to step down from pastoring. How do you allow this to continue??? Aren’t Christians supposed to stand for what is good and just?
— diaryofanaijagirl.ng (@DANGposts) June 28, 2019
Can’t believe that no one is talking about Biodun Fatoyinbo’s wife Modele because she’s not daft not to know what this nigga has been doing. She’s a rape apologist and the thunder that will fire them will be shared equally.
— Uche Odoh (@visualsbyuche) June 28, 2019
I stand with Busola Dakolo. I salute her bravery. I believe her.
Is there a statute of limitation for rape in Nigeria? If not, he needs to be prosecuted pronto. Also, Biodun Fatoyinbo should not be allowed to remain in a position where he can hurt anyone again.
— Amara Nwankpa (@Nwankpa_A) June 28, 2019
The premeditation of Biodun Fatoyinbo's behaviour is – I don't know – he groomed her, he became familiar with her home, enough physical threat to overwhelm her to quietness, – then she should be happy a "man of God" raped her. A teenager looking for a safe place – and he did this
— Arit Okpo (@menoword) June 28, 2019
Perhaps the most astonishing thing for me in the alleged rape of Busola Dakolo by Pastor Biodun Fatoyinbo is this: a man called at a young girl's family home early in the morning to rape her, as though for breakfast. What manner of beast?
— Molara Wood (@molarawood) June 28, 2019
If we were in 'saner climes', Prostitute Biodun Fatoyinbo will be talking to investigators and getting prepared for the courts this moment
— SoulJah (@jeffphilips1) June 28, 2019
And that’s all for this week! If we missed anything, please, let it rip in the comment section. Enjoy your weekend!