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Aunty Bella: Miss. from my Skin to my Soul…I NEED HELP

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Aunty Bella is our  agony aunt column on BellaNaija. We launched this column in the early days of BN and periodically feature issues sent in by BN readers.

We hope the BN family can offer insightful advice.

***

Dear Aunty Bella,

I want to seek help and I believe your platform will be the best way I do this. I am battling with myself. For sometime, I really thought that I was happy but I’ve found out that my insecurity is still actively feeding on me, the difference is that I’ve found a way to let it out by being bastardly aggressive to people around me. The other escape route that has been taking me away from reality is an active addiction to lesbian pornography.

I’ve been battling acne since 2014. I went from having the perfect chocolate skin to having the acne infested skin. It was pimples and they ached really badly, so I chose to get treatment at the time but soon, it cured and then turned to black spots and the pimples kept coming back and leaving more spots. Sometimes my face looks bloated. I stopped using the cheap products that promised help because I was not getting help and then the pimple will go and come with a vengeance. My skin feels like dirt and I do all the right things. Avoid oily food. Drink jerrycans of water. Sometimes I go weeks without food, just to see if that undetected thing I am eating will stop causing me pimples and eventually black spots. But no, it hasn’t stopped.

If you see a side by side picture of me before the pimples, you will not believe how much one person can be different people within a lifetime.

I was vey proud of my dark skin and everyone says you can’t clear the spots until you just bleach. If you see my skin, you won’t believe it, how it looks just kills me. I avoid people. I avoid the mirror. I don’t have a proper phone with a camera because what for??? Even though I resist all things that remind me of my insecurity, it does not help. My insecurity is daring me and its getting really bad. It was easy to just feed on things that made me think of a different world and that was how I got invested in watching porn. I was in dare need of a form of escapism but the truth sets in constantly and distracts me even from that world.

I resist people and if they try to get closer, I spit venom. Even people that don’t care have been victims of my aggression, it is like I feed a growing hate for human beings and more deeply, for myself.

I was once at the dermatologist and she said I can start a treatment for a certain amount. I couldn’t afford that, I still can’t. No job, I am a Youth Corp member with 19,800 and that is for food and transportation.

If I go into details about how comments from my own family members helped sink me to this level you won’t believe it. You won’t believe what a mother is capable of telling her daughter, instead of helping her. My father on the other hand is story for another decade…

When I meet people, they can’t hide their disgust. They actually react to my skin. It is not just from family.

I wont sugercoat it, my skin issues has earned me a nasty attitude. It is a form of resistance. It has taught me addiction and I am so ashamed to admit.

The main problem is I’ve never been this mean person. I’ve always had the best smile (I don’t even know when last I offered a smile), I’ve been very encouraging to people in the past, very helpful, very optimistic, but now I am the opposite of all that also, now I can’t even control this venom. I am tired and recently, my life has been taking a drastic turn. I am quite suicidal.

***please you can stop at this point if you can’t understand***

I know there are people with more problems and I am not after public validation. I’ve never cared about who feels that I am pretty or not.
But no, something has changed really badly. I want to feel good about myself. I’ve got a good result which I’ve earned from school. I am very creative or I used to be, I can’t even find that anymore.

There is this tie in my chest.

Anger. Spite. Exhaustion.

Earlier today, I tried something and It made me realize that God did not give me this life to make a decision about when it stops.It is a gift he gave me. What if he sends a deeper punishment because I am not living to his purpose? I’ve read self help books, but I finish them and the problem starts again. I feel a lot of emotions and voices in my head. Is it beyond my skin.

Is this a deeper problem?

I was at a TV audition months back, I travelled 8 hours just to be a part of it and I started thinking, how do I stand before people like this. I left without trying. It kills me, somehow I feel like if my skin was still great, nothing will have stopped me from pulling through that audition. But I’ve not accepted myself, so I thought of the judgement the judges would have of me beyond my talent. And so I burst out crying just like that, excused myself from waiting with other hopefuls and then I never returned.

I am confused. How do I live better. Breathe better and live a life with purpose, I need help.

I need people that can relate to share their story with me. I need advice. I just need your help, please!

Photo Credit: Isaiahlove | Dreamstime.com

Photo for illustrative purposes only

80 Comments

  1. oo

    October 4, 2016 at 11:00 am

    Eiya poor thing, God will heal you. Go to a proper dermatologist who will run series of tests. It might be an hormonal imbalance and he/she will prescribe what’s best for you. Think Gbemi O-O shared her own experiences as well, look that up and draw some inspiration. God bless my dear

    • Theo.

      October 4, 2016 at 12:59 pm

      @oo, Did you READ where she said she doesn’t have the money and is a Youth Corper on only N19,800 monthly for food and transportation???

    • Olivia

      October 4, 2016 at 11:18 pm

      Give up the porn. You would be amazed, at how your life would transform. From skin, to attitude, to relationships.

      The Holy Spirit is an ever present help. Be naked and unashamed with him. He already knows anyways.

      It can only get better.

    • ify

      October 6, 2016 at 2:22 pm

      Girl 1 word ACCUTANE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i dont know if u can get it in nigeria but trust me it works. My brother had very very low self esteem and used every kind of medicine from Proactive to local herbs nothing really worked. Then we found out about ACCUTANE. Life saver and changer. It is a really strong drug so talk to a doctor before u start using it.

    • ify

      October 6, 2016 at 10:14 pm

      My brother and mum used it after using numerous other drugs, from proactive to herbal remedies to facials every 2 week.l ACCUTANE IS A LIFE SAVER!!!!! Be sure to discuss with a doctor though as it is a strong medicine. I repilied to the 1st comment so that you will hopefully see this. I wish we had learned about this earlier.

    • Anonymous

      October 23, 2016 at 2:01 pm

      TRY USING ALOE VERA (pure unmixed), THE ONES THAT GROW IN THE PLANT OH! USE IT AFTER WASHING YOUR FACE, BEFORE MOISTURISING. ALSO,TRY OIL FREE MOISTURISERS, if you haven’t already. This is what worked for me. Wish you all the best

  2. mz_danielz

    October 4, 2016 at 11:03 am

    BN, no need to post this seriously, this girl’s issues are due to her skin issues and the 1st step will be to help her sort it out and then work on her esteem.

    You know lots of good psychologists, pay for a treatment for her.

    Once that is sorted and she actually likes what she sees, then we can proceed with good psychologists and all or do both simultaneously. The ‘you’re beautiful and believe in yourself’ commenters will tell her are just words she has read in self help books.

    • LemmeRant

      October 4, 2016 at 6:06 pm

      Osheeeey!!!!!

      BN should be able to help their people nah. At least for all the baileys and etisalat ads that we’ve endured.

  3. Just saying

    October 4, 2016 at 11:08 am

    I am so sorry, I absolutely can relate.
    I’ve battled acne for most of my teenage years. It basically reduces you. The pimples are gone now. I am using Dettol Even tone, it helped take the pimples away but the spots are still there. I lost a lot because of my insecurity. People did not understand my attitude but trust me, once, the pimples cleared I felt my esteem return a little. The spots are actively on my face, you can spot them 100 miles away but I am learning to live, breathe and trying to go on with life. I understand, I totally do!!!

    I don’t know if I should advice you on what to use but try the Dettol, it goes for 260 or so, it worked for my pimples.
    Goodluck dear.

  4. Gorgeous

    October 4, 2016 at 11:15 am

    Your acne is hormonal. Drink lots of water and use products with less oil on your face but more hydration. You can also see a good and well referred dermatologist.

    • Theo.

      October 4, 2016 at 1:09 pm

      Do some of you people on this blog actually READ before you comment? She said she’drinks JERRYCANS of water, she has also ALREADY seen a dermatologist but being a Youth Corper on on only N19,800 monthly cannot afford the treatment prescribed by the dermatologist. If the problem was “”hormonal””, I figure the dermatologist SHE HAS ALREADY SEEN would have told her and also told her to avoid oily products, which seeing as she already avoids oily FOOD, and is so desperate as to even have stopped eating for weeks, and has stopped using cheap products, it is fairly safe to assume she has already stooped using oily products, because from her post you can see she says she’s tried everything and done everything she’s supposed to do. So, if you don’t have money, or free professional services as a dermatologist, psychologist and spiritual counsellor to offer her, or an empathetic story to share because you’ve walked a similar path, but instead can only make her pain worse by ‘advising’ her to do things she has CLEARLY stated she has already done or cannot do due to stated constraints, just refrain from making a comment for once. It won’t kill you.

    • Gorgeous

      October 4, 2016 at 4:07 pm

      Please who is this fool? Dem swear for you or are you the OP? So i should donate money to her to clear her pimples or what. If you are the OP you are a fool with a bad attitude. You dont need adive. Get out of here and fix your mental problems maybe your pimples will disappear. big idiot.

    • californiabawlar

      October 4, 2016 at 5:14 pm

      WOW!! @Gorgeous…It took so little to set you off like that? you my dear are the one coming across as a sufferer of mental illnesses o. Shuu….please do some soul searching and get help! really…GET HELP!

    • Shoot

      October 4, 2016 at 6:13 pm

      Lol the same @Gorgeous that said she will leave all her inheritance to only her female children and that men need to learn how to work and if she doesn;t have female children she’ll leave it for her female grand children. and this is an inheritance she’s hiding from her proposed hubby o.

      Well what can I say, I’m not surprised.

      1
    • Very rude Grogeous

      October 4, 2016 at 9:06 pm

      Yes, that is Gorgeous for you, very quick to resort to insults… She once asked another commenter if he/she was a product of rape, for having a dissenting view, and the worst part was that the article under discourse was the rape of a minor…SMH!

    • Mohammad

      October 5, 2016 at 2:07 am

      That escalated pretty quickly! ?
      ???????

    • Cindy

      October 4, 2016 at 4:30 pm

      @gorgeous…… your come back ehn…… it just destroyed any defense I could have had for you. You even went ahead to drag the author. Nobody agrees with you here as that is obvious from the upvotes so crawl back to the cave you came out from please.

    • Belize

      October 4, 2016 at 6:31 pm

      @geogeous please don’t mind them. They are probably clones . As for up votes loooool. They manufactioned them like this.so cindy and the brawling crazy in California crawl back into y’all crevices.

  5. LL

    October 4, 2016 at 11:16 am

    This post is very saddening and it makes me think of how many sad people I have around me that I have never noticed, Dear OP, first things first; I am praying for you. That God will give you peace and ease your heart. Secondly, bear in mind that many expensive treatments may still not help as certain skin conditions are peculiar; Since you still earn a little, keep trying out natural remedies like lime, lemon. ETC. Drink water with lime or lemon first thing in the morning everyday. Remember that many remedies take time especially as they work from within. Also, build an exercise routine as exercise really helps the skin. Always keep in mind that these things take time. Do not bleach please. It will make you look worse. Begin to look into your diet one by one. Eliminate one item for about two weeks and see what it may be. Ask God to cleanse you from inside and give you real joy; such that you can smile in spite of how rough your face is. It hurts that people , especially family do not help. Forgive them- We humans act stupid sometimes and take important people in our lives for granted, God will heal you. Amen.

    • UGO

      October 4, 2016 at 11:36 am

      Best so far! Others just commented like they didn’t read the post. Phew! This hear is what the Poster can try.

    • californiabawlar

      October 4, 2016 at 3:28 pm

      From my experience, just two years ago I developed acne all over my face (amongst the see of other skin problems I battle). I did my research and found that it was sugar-something about candida sensitivity. I had to cut everything both that contains artificial sugar and foods that digest to sugar for about a month. All these include sugar, bread, pasta, milo and other hot chocolates,EVERYTHING even rice. It took a while but my face finally cleared up.
      I still have episodes, just two weeks ago a friend brought me groundnut from Naija and when on a garri drinking rampage with sugar. Choi! If you see my face right now ehn.

      Meanwhile, to my main comment. Let me give you advice from my years of battling skin problems. Yoruba people will say there more shameful things than being a thief. I don see for this life! I wish I could chronicle my struggles with my skin here…even you will cry for me.
      I have a very rare skin condition- read rare as weird to Nigerians. I remember praying that God should replace the problem with acne so that people will at least know what is wrong with me.
      My experiences with people? Just this morning I looked in the mirror and smiled. I remembered a girl I considered a friend coming to visit me in my own house and then accusing me of ‘bleaching gone wrong’. This was in 2009…she’s a lovely chick but I can never forget. Or do you want me to tell you about the time a lady accosted me in front of my hairdressers and started saying I don’t have a good mother for her to watch my case deteriorate to the present condition because it was obvious my case was spiritual. Or is it the dude my sister introduced me to that just casually asked what is wrong with your skin? how did hot water poured on your face, neck and chest? Imagine getting that from a supposed toaster?! chai! straight delete…lol.

      I’m not saying all these to tell you my story is worse than yours…I’m saying it to let you know that you can survive and beat the situation mentally. Some people will tell me my skin has improved, some will say it hasn’t…truth is I wouldn’t be able to tell you. One thing I did was to eliminate the previous image of the perfect skin I had from my mind. I remember a dermatologist telling me that the perfect is the enemy of the good. Don’t kill yourself because you are no longer perfect. LET THAT IMAGE GO.
      Try to see if you can find heavy makeup for special occasions.
      Beauty is only skin deep…In our case…literally. Don’t let an superficial condition affect the core of who you are. Choose to be cheerful and purposeful. Keep your head up.

  6. sally

    October 4, 2016 at 11:39 am

    Hello dear…..pls try VALDERMA antibacterial soap….take lots of carrot and oda anti oxidant fruit at night…..u can also make a carrot face mask…or try any suitable essential oil.

  7. artklub

    October 4, 2016 at 11:45 am

    I think you should stop using any products with chemicals. do not even use soap on your skin anymore because its stripping the oil from your face. just use water and oil to wash and moisturize your skin – a natural oil that is high in linoleic acid like grapeseed oil, soybean oil, safflower oil, rosehip oil, or palm kernal oil, These oils must be organic so that they retain their potency and nutrients. Please give your skin a break. I think that is the first step ,I do not think there is any miracle cure I think its about stopping all artificial chemicals and rebooting your skin. good luck!

  8. Spunky

    October 4, 2016 at 11:47 am

    Oh dear! The only difference with you and the next person is that your perceived problem is visible(acne). You, being blind to the next person’s battle doesn’t make you a worse case. One step at a time; you need to find yourself because you lost your path and purpose. Go all out and do you! While at it, seek aggressive treatment…you will certainly find something that works. As a teen, I had a nasty infection (I must have contacted from the local river).My left hand itched, peeled and scarred for over five years. At this point, I turned into a hermit/recluse (can’t remember how I got it treated). I must confess it affected me in every way and I never went on dates at that time. I say I don’t remember because the scars are gone. Live life Abeg! For what it’s worth, my girlfriend has got plenty pimples and dark spots on her face but, she’s the most beautiful girl I know (she’s an ex beauty queen)! Good luck…

    • Shoot

      October 4, 2016 at 6:18 pm

      – “She’s an ex-beauty queen” ——————-

      Loading……….. loading……… loading……….
      Looking for ex-beauty queens that might have pimples.

    • Anonymous

      October 4, 2016 at 10:01 pm

      I’m going through something very similar. I didn’t like my nose especially my nostrils so I began to flare them when anyone was around. Within a year the muscles of my nose weakened and my nose seemed to collapse. I looked terrible and as a result, I became reclusive, I just couldn’t face anyone. It’s been almost 14yrs and It’s still the same. I haven’t achieved much since then.

  9. Billionaire in grace

    October 4, 2016 at 12:04 pm

    Dear writer, Please note that God is not punishing you for any of your sin cos jesus took our sins on the cross and we are free now from all sort of sickness.and as christian our lives are hidden in God through Christ.
    My sister had a problem with her face, she would have black spot on the side of her face all the time and it has been going for years (about 7 years). she was tired of using all sort of products be it expensie and cheap ones.One day she decised to ask God to direct to a product that will work for her. Then the lord directed her to a certain product, after using it for 1 month we started noticing the change. and everyone was asking which product have you been using now.
    The purpose of my story is to tell you go before the throne of grace God will talk to you and direct you on which products to use or if there is a need to change your diet or which doctor to go see.

  10. Drooper

    October 4, 2016 at 12:22 pm

    First off, I think you should start by loving yourself, people don’t exactly care too much about what you look like, you only feel that way coz you don’t love yourself. Clearly you have an acne prone skin, you should stop every topical treatment for now, try taking antibiotics, doxycycline to be precise, it helps kill the bacteria causing p-acne as well as the cysts, then you can purchase anything containing benzoyl peroxide. As for the spots, you might have to use a bleaching astringent or cream, like ambi, you don’t have to use it all over your face, just spot treat, directly on the spots. Or you try some other natural products like bentonite clay mask and honey. But most of all you need to be patient, these products take a period of at least 3 months to work. In the end these things we fuss over would eventually fade. So I don’t think you should feel so depressed, try to be happy and remember that real beauty is not on the outside.

  11. Rukky

    October 4, 2016 at 12:26 pm

    so sorry about your skin condition, I had a terrible skin condition which started in July this year (very itchy) quite unbearable and it gave me sleepless nights. I tried a well known skin clinic here in Ghana and nothing happened rather it got worse, I had to go to a well known herbal shop located in Accra at Osu known as Relish Ghana Ltd. And All praises be to the Most High God I am healed. Please be strong and if possible visit a good herbal clinic in Nigeria for treatment. its not easy but you will be fine.

  12. anon

    October 4, 2016 at 12:26 pm

    You need to stop being angry to balance out your hormones. Throw your cosmetics away. Start a natural product skin regimen. This book has over 50 natural skincare solutions. No toxins just natural ingredients you can buy in the market to work wonders on your skin and self confidence. Here is the link for the skin care book https://www.naijabeauty.co.uk/ Goodluck.

  13. Nini.

    October 4, 2016 at 12:29 pm

    Dear poster,
    I don’t know how much what I’m about to say will help you, or if it will even help you at all. However I feel the need to reach out to you.
    I’ve suffered from acne for almost twenty years of my life. They started just as I was about to clock eleven, and have stayed for the most part till date. There were times they only came pre/post period, and/or pre/post ovulation. Bottom line, they’ve never left. I hardly remember a completely smooth face. The worst part is the scar. My mum says I have an ugly skin and wonders where I got it from. Scars on my skin are like tattoos. They stay for years, I doubt they ever go.
    Yes, my mum said that. I’ve dealt with my own doses of deflated self esteem, I’ve been annoyed at the comments people made, I’ve stayed away from people, I’ve snickered when anyone thot me beautiful (for obvious reasons), I have cried, I have prayed. Honestly, I don’t know what I haven’t done.

    I’m a pharmacist. Yes. A very skilled one who has a very good knowledge on skin and skin products, from learning and practice. I have helped people with all types of acne, the bad the ugly and the very bad to work on their skin and they’ve gotten good results and thanked me back. I have seen several dermatologists, doctors, skin therapists, and they recommend the same things in the good ol’ textbooks. The same things I’ve used and haven’t gotten result. Lately, ive been having really mighty pimples and terrible scarring. Loved ones have suggested that it’s becos I just had a baby and my hormones are trying to find their levels. I don’t believe that’s the case. I don’t know what to believe. I’m just tired of their permanent residency on my face. The funny thing is, my neck to the sole of my feet is spotless. Beautiful skin, no scar or mark. I honestly don’t know why I have this ‘thorn in my flesh.’

    On Saturday, I took out every chemical product (washes,scrubs,mask,creams) from the bathroom cabinet. This October, I plan to go natural and CONSISTENT. To be honest, I’ve discovered that I’m always looking for quick results. I stick to a plan and if after ten days I don’t see an obvious difference I conclude that it’s not working. So I’ve decided I’ll be consistent for one month (I eat healthy meals normal, and stay away from unhealthy oils, and diets that aren’t good for my skin).
    A friend who had bad acne too told me how honey and cinnamon healed her skin so I told her I’ll try it. Plus I’ll make her my accountability partner. That way, no bail out for me. Fingers crossed, I am hoping this works

    Like I said, pimples and scars ones threw me in the dumps of low self esteem. One day I listened to a sermon at a Christian gathering I was sceptical about. The only thing I took from that gathering (and it has stayed with me all these years ) is

    Psalm 139:14New King James Version (NKJV)

    14 I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;[a]
    Marvelous are Your works,
    And that my soul knows very well.

    It had a profound meaning. After that day, I would look in the mirror, and see beyond my face, a marvellous creation of God. And I would say the words out loud. ‘I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Marvellous are thy works and my soul know very well.’

    Words are deep. Especially when we confess them. They help our faith. I became a better person. I stopped hiding. The pimples dint go, but it did not limit me anymore. The same way words the situation and words of family took me to low levels, the verse and constant confession took me to higher levels than I had ever been.
    So, I don’t know what may clear your acne, as I can’t talk to u and ask questions. But I know that if you constantly speak the right words to yourself, youth faith in you will be awesome. And you will be your own biggest cheer leader after God.

    Sometimes people don’t mean to hurt us. They just don’t know how to use the right words when communicating with us. So don’t be mad at your mum and others. Do what’s right for u now. Plenty hugssssdd

  14. Olly

    October 4, 2016 at 1:32 pm

    My darling, the devil is puting these evil thoughts in your head. Run to the Lord. I used to have pimples and i told God to give me something for it. He gave me raw black soap. I buy a big bag forN100 in the market. Ask him to show you what to use. He cares about the little things in your life. God bless

  15. Me

    October 4, 2016 at 2:13 pm

    Everyone is giving acne remedies and nobody is addressing the fact that she can only get help starting from within. You need to have a relationship with God FIRST, and I am talking out of experience. I had the worst skin seriously and I don’t mean to sound all weird but when I gave my life to God, that was when I found out that I had a sensitive skin; I started using products for my skin type and like magic (in like 3 months lol) my face cleared. When you have God in your life, your addictions to porn (by Gods grace will be curbed)… be nice to people, even when they are not nice to you but most importantly you need a relationship with God so that only He can help and direct everything that concerns you. Those self help books, na wa.

    • LemmeRant

      October 4, 2016 at 6:26 pm

      Okay, I admit, I’m trolling 🙂

      Bet-how did porn enter this matter now?

    • Mohammad

      October 4, 2016 at 9:37 pm

      Na so me sef dey shake head aks o! Everytime everytime religion. Una no dey taya? Don’t worry. We send the healing hands of the father to solve this and all of the problems that exist in the world. WIll this do?

  16. nonyeinspired

    October 4, 2016 at 2:27 pm

    God!! am in the office and am so close to tears ..I just cant help it..Please you need to see psychologist and you need to work on yourself no one else can do it for you . That’s just the truth ..am short for words ..so sorry dear

  17. Mama

    October 4, 2016 at 2:36 pm

    Am in this situation . Nothing is working on my skin. Spent so much on product, but the thing is, the more product i use , the more congested my skin becomes . My self esteem has dropped to zero level . I can’t go out or take my kids to the park. The simple truth is to see a dermatologist, I know it is expensive. My formula is rather than spending money on stuff that could probably make my skin worst or not work at all, I’d save until it was enuf to pay for my treatment. Currently I am just on a very mild face wash (u can use black soap) and argan oil (3 to 4 drops ) daily.
    And be very very very very gentle on ur skin.

    Hopefully by Friday, I should be able book an appointment with a good dermatologist.

  18. Vivian

    October 4, 2016 at 2:53 pm

    BN, is there a way to reach her?? an email address or a phone number perhaps? I want to maybe see if her dermatologist fees is something i can take care of for her or at the very least make a contribution towards.

    • alanna

      October 4, 2016 at 3:19 pm

      You are so kind. This is exactly what she needs. Everyone is providing different remedies but you’re the only one who’s offered to foot her bills. I hope she reads this and contacts you.

  19. Yetty

    October 4, 2016 at 3:08 pm

    Poster, I’m sorry you are going through this. I don’t have any suggestions on fixing acne but I do have some insight. You are lost and tortured but not by your acne. Your acne may simply be a physical manifestation of the chaos that exists inside you.

    On the upside, I think you write beautifully and are deeply emotive. You should commit more of your thoughts to paper. It’s therapeutic and others might be interested in reading what you have to say. Good luck and God bless you.

  20. Lucinda

    October 4, 2016 at 3:10 pm

    I have battled acne and I did serious research before I found out about Clinique’s anti blemish solution. Where are you based? Is there a way you can comment with a verifiable email address? I will send a starter pack to you FREE. Also, use unscented, paraben free and colour free cosmetics, soaps and moisturizers. Allow your towel dry out in the sun. Wash your pillow cases often. Take out the foam from your pillow and wash the outer case itself. I mentioned parabens because of some hormonal issues linked to it. Stay away from soy and diary products. Are you overweight? How about your menses? Some things are just linked and it’s crazy you won’t know until you see a gyno. As for the porn addiction, think of it as food whenever you get the urge and ask yourself, will you starve to death if you don’t watch this? Go on an online/internet fast for about 6 months. Your productivity will increase and the addiction will reduce. Try and participate in CDS activities. Mix with human beings, enrol to write a professional qualification.

  21. Ms Rere

    October 4, 2016 at 3:27 pm

    Hello Poster,

    Forgive my epistle. I just feel for a sister. I hope you actually read this
    I can definitely relate with what you are going through. I have also battled acne for a huge part of my teenage and adult life. One thing that most people without acne do not know is that it strips away your self confidence and just reduces you to feeling ugly. The worst part is the stares you get from people. The ones who will just walk up to you in public and offer you medical advice and remedies. As if you are happy with the acne on your face. Gosh, I was always so embarrassed. I can not even remember some of them as they were so ridiculous. One woman in my neighborhood actually advised me to use my menstrual blood as a toner everyday. The side eyes I gave her could shoot a bird down. Another one told me of the potency of the male semen as a skin regimen. “yikes”. As for the soaps and creams, abegi no bi here. From aunties to uncles to passersby, you name them. Everyone had a contribution oo.

    As for not eating fatty foods, drinking water and fruits, I tried all that. it would only improve for a week or two, then new breakouts would start. and I had very big pimples the size of a lump which could be painful. I dealt with all these oo. I lost my self esteem, stopped taking pictures or selfies, I couldnt look in the face of people when speaking to them and would sometimes cover my face with my weaves. hehehe. My rock was my mother who never gave up even when I did. She would not stop looking for solutions. She would always come home with a soap or cream or sometimes pills to swallow. chaii my mother was too much. She seemed more worried than I was cos after some years, I gave up trying. I stopped caring. I didn’t want to continue searching for creams and soaps. I visited dermatologists and several hospitals. I swallowed tons of pills but they all could eradicate my acne. The irony was that my people around me still thought I was very confident for a girl with such a skin problem. I simply told them “Me I dont care about this acne anymore o. It will go when it is ready. I’m simply tired” I would pray, fast, stop using mirrors, and even broke down and wept completely and refused to return to school. Men told me that I would have been more beautiful if my face was smooth. They would even offer me money to go to hospital oo. hmm

    Sweetheart, let me not bore you with plenty talk of my issues. Presently, my acne has totally reduced. I only get it once in a while (pre and post menses). I will tell you what I did. I researched a lot and during my research certain things stood out as causes of acne. The first one is our hands. Our hands carry germs and bacteria and when you rub your face with the dirty hands you only spread germs from one spot to the other. Avoid touching your face especially, popping the pimples. Do it when its necessary and make sure you wash your hands with soap before you do. After popping, wash the spot and apply an anti-inflammatory gel or cream. This will reduce infection of the pimple and reduce the scarring. Keep your hair away from your face as hair products can cause breakouts. Change your pillowcase regularly and try to avoid lying face down on your pillow. Pillow cases also pick up dirt from our hair and skin and transfer it onto our faces. Do not scrub your face with harsh soaps and sponge. Use mild soaps like the black soap. just lather and simply use your hands. Wash your face twice only in a day apply a moisturizer to keep your skin hydrated. You don’t need expensive products. Do not stop drinking water and try to exercise. You can use a sunscreen whenever you go out in the day. You can use homemade masks with oatmeal. use honey and aloe vera. Keep in mind that you will not get instant results. Give yourself six months and you will see a difference. These regimens will not break your bank. And oh, urine as a toner at night works a lot. Your own urine. I tried it and it also worked for me.
    Have a nice day.

    .

    • justsaying

      October 4, 2016 at 10:35 pm

      I liked until I saw urine… huh?

  22. Lucinda

    October 4, 2016 at 3:29 pm

    I don’t know how good your ISP is but there’s a YouTube channel called School of Life and they have some videos on how self love and compassion for yourself will help you relate to people better. Read books on anger management and watch out for things that trigger your aggressive behaviour. It could be a certain negative person, it could be social media presence, heavy metal music etc. This feeling cannot disappear overnight. It might take you months or a couple of years. Also, you don’t have to fake niceness or friendship to everyone. I too used to be harsh like a fowl that just laid eggs lol. I have improved like 70% and it was not overnight.

    Ps. If you kill yourself, you lose. This is fact.

  23. Anon

    October 4, 2016 at 3:43 pm

    You’ve got mental health issues. If it’s not your skin it’ll be something else. You need psychiatric evaluation. May I direct you to self evaluation .Google Whooley depression screen. Also I’ll like to suggest a self evaluation for anxiety disorder. The purpose of self evaluation is to see if you have any of the conditions , what levels and what next todo either self help strategies, counselling, medication. I’ll also like to point out that mental illness is a devastating debilitating illness. If left untreated it can just literally suck the life joy out of you. Please seek professional help. Good luck.

  24. Odi

    October 4, 2016 at 3:47 pm

    If you have anybody in the US, do what you can to send them $35-40 to get you a kit of Pro-activ solution. Works miracles. It contains an exfoliating scrub, a masking paste, and a wipe. The kit is $19.99 and there’s another for $29.99. Don’t really know what the latter contains. The rest of the $ goes to shipping.
    Also as someone said, try antibacterial soaps. If you can take antibiotics as well you should cos this might be a bacterial infection.

  25. M&

    October 4, 2016 at 4:00 pm

    Dear Poster, just hang on, it will end one day, I believe it’s just a phase, For some people the turning point comes with childbirth. I thought it would be so for me, but nah, they’re still there, the blasted pimples make a round every two weeks. I actually bought facial cream to clear them, but it just works on the black spots and I found it it’s actually a skin lightening cream. Nevertheless, I don’t use much make up, sometimes none at all, even to work (like today). I just use foundation to hide the black spots when I have a serious occasion like a wedding! I had an experience in my teenage years I have never shared with anyone, anyone at all. I used to have scaly, itchy, peeling, and oozing nipples! Oozing with liquid, with the areola peeling. it was terrible. In boarding house, I used to hide to bathe and dress up, I used tissue or cotton wool to cover the nipples before wearing my bra and I would change the tissue/cotton wool in between classes once I sensed it was soaked! The pain was much because as I’m trying to remove the tissue/cotton wool, the skin of the areola and nipples would be peeling alongside. And if I don’t change on time, the smelly liquid would soak the front of my shirt, and I couldn’t explain to my classmates/teachers. I was too ashamed to tell anyone in school or at home what was the problem, or even seek treatment. I only used dettol on it and bathed with medicated soap (still do till date). Eventually the whole thing stopped on its own, just dried up. Till today I still don’t know what caused it, but it was puberty time and my boobies were growing extra large (the rest of my body just caught up in recent years). The insecurity caused by that experience was so much, but it passed. So please understand that life is for living, so long as you have life, there’s something to live for. Try to be positive. There will be people who will know you for you and like you for you, and then they stop noticing your physical features. My Mum has a scar on her face from her forehead to her eye. I don’t see it any longer. Once in a while I check and I find out its still there, but on a normal day I don’t see it any longer, because I’m used to it and I know and love her. It starts from inside. Your face may not be clear and pretty, but your heart needs to be clear and pretty, then beauty can thrive within and without. Trust me, this too will pass! Phew!

  26. Social Media 9

    October 4, 2016 at 4:08 pm

    Hi Dear ,
    Am so sorry for what you are going through.
    Like @ Lucinda suggested try the anti blemish range from clinique. You can buy the set which consists of the gel, toner and wash. Clinique’s anti blemish range also has a foundation and powder range that covers unevenness & blemishes, whilst helping to clear acne at the same time. I currently work for Clinique & cannot tell you how many customers this has worked for.
    The foundation & powder range also covers a wide range of skin colours from the darkest to the palest shades.
    Having said that , this may sound funny but follow this 3 steps for the next 8weeks and more;

    1.Cleanse- ( wash your face with an antibacterial or acne clearing soap , liquid or bar soap).
    2. Tone – ( wet cotton wool with a quality cleanser & wipe your entire face )
    3. Moisturise- Apply a light weight moisturiser onto your face.
    Remember to exfoliate at least every week using a face scrub to unclog your pores or a mask.
    Pls fo this in the morning and before bed time and if possible do this with 2 showers morn and night.
    Lastly , cut down diary products, (milk,cheese, yoghurt) . And so on . It may be lactose intolerance.
    This will definitely work for you 100%.
    Am not dermatologist but a trained skin and beauty consultant. sending you lots of hugs ?. be strong!

  27. COMMENTER

    October 4, 2016 at 4:35 pm

    1. Consistency is Key. Stick to at least a morning an evening regimen
    2. If you can, please try to give up make up for a while or use brands recommended for acne prone skin. But, id recommend avoiding it all together
    3. Do you have oily skin or dry skin? Most people who have acne tend to have more oily skin. So please wash your face 2-3 times a day. That is, at least, in the morning and then again in the night. If possible in the afternoon. If you sweat, and of course produce oil on your skin, dust and dirt will tend to settle and clog the pores. I would recommend 3/day.

    Day time
    1, Wash face with a mild face wash (preferably NOT anti acne). It just needs to clean your face well. Something simple and if possible fragrant free.
    2. Use a mild toner( can skip this if it gets too pricey)
    3. Apply a benzoyl peroxide(5% or 10%) face lotion or salicylic acid containing face lotion product(use one stronger than those you have used in the past).
    4. Apply an oil-free moisturizer. Yes, apply it even if you have oily skin
    5. Apply a non-comedogenic sunscreen

    Evening
    1. Wash face clean with the same face wash from Day time.
    2. Apply Retin A ONLY ( you get this at a pharmacy). RETIN A IS NOT APPROPRIATE FOR PREGNANT WOMEN. IT MAY AFFECT THE FETUS. IF YOU ARE NOT PREGNANT, YOU ARE FINE. IT WILL NOT AFFECT YOUR REPRODUCTIVE CAPABILITIES

    MISCELLANEOUS
    1. Use a face scrub twice a week or at least once a week. Don’t scrub too hard
    2. Use this mask : Mixture of Apple cider vinegar, Bentonite clay and Tumeric. Keep it on for 10 minutes or till it dries. Then wash off. Tumeric stains, so be careful. Do this 2-3 times a week. But start with 2.

    Tips:
    1, use warm water for washing your face
    2. when washing you can use a fresh towel or an exfoliating brush to rub. Whatever you use keep it should be cleaned after each use
    3. use a separate towel for you face and body
    4. Stop touching your face( difficult but you can do it)
    5. Be patient. WITH SKIN CARE, CHANGES BEGIN TO APPEAR AFTER 28 DAYS)
    6. AVOID/MINIMIZE SUGAR INTAKE. IT IS BAD FOR THE SKIN. REDUCE MINERAL INTAKE AND OTHER SUGARY JUICES OR FOODS.

    ITEMS TO PURCHASE –
    1. Mild face wash
    2. Mild toner (optional but recommended)
    3. Benzoyl peroxide (5 or 10%) OR salicylic acid face lotion
    4. Non comodogenic suncreen(you need this especially because of the benzoyl or salicylic)
    5. Oil free moisturizer
    6 retin A (AVOID IF PREGNANT)
    7. Face scrub( st Ives is fine)
    8. Bentonite clay
    9. Tumeric spice(optional but recommended)
    10. Apple cider vinegar

    This is the most effective cost efficient list that I can come up with. Please be consistent. YOU MAY NOT HAVE PERFECT SKIN BUT IT WILL IMPROVE. THE EXFOLIATION WILL HELP WITH THE SPOTS.

    NOTE: INITIALLY IT WILL GET A LITTLE WORSE BUT YOU HAVE TO CONTINUE THE TREATMENT. IT GETS WORSE BECAUSE A LOT OF IMPURITIES ARE BEING PULLED TO THE SKIN SURFACE.

    All the best!

  28. Weezy

    October 4, 2016 at 4:45 pm

    The acne remedy that works for someone else may not work for you. One person will say avoid eggs, the other one will say use sulfur 8. The dermatologist is your best bet, but you said you do not have money. Maybe Bella Naija can leave a way to contact you so people can help. BN it would be great if for posts like this you have an email address that you have verified came from the same person.

  29. Kina

    October 4, 2016 at 5:07 pm

    Dear poster i agree with @Anon. I have taken time to read through your post. My heart goes out to you. its a cry for help,. You mention feeling full of VENOM, SPITE, NOT BEING ABLE TO OFFER A SMILE, SUCIDAL, ADDICTION, VOICES IN YOUR HEAD. I hear a problematic relationship with your parents. I hear you also when you ask the poignant question is this just about YOUR SKIN OR IS IT DEEPER. IT would seem that you have unresolved issues that have laid dormant in your subconscious and have now being activated by your present skin issues. It sounds like you may need counselling/ therapy. If you were in England I’ll signpost you to time to talk , you may be able to access the service via Internet. I don’t know the state of mental health services in Nigeria it wasn’t very good when I was there so I don’t think there might be any improvement in them now. You might find support from your church. One thing is for sure I don’t think your problem is your Skin, or spiritual or something wrong with you . I honestly feel that once you sort out your mental health you will find that the skin issue isn’t such a big deal. I’ve battled with mental health issues in the past and I know that it makes every day things become like a huge unsurmountable mountain. Little everyday things like going out, getting out of bed is such an effort, not to talk of the paranoid feeling that people are judging you when you eventually sum up the courage to go out. These are all part and parcel of an unbalanced mind. Once you treat it every other thing will fall back in place. And my dear once I got help and a name was given to my condition I felt better immediately. Because then I knew for sure that I wasn’t well and there was a treatment for what I had.

    • Bokun

      October 4, 2016 at 6:07 pm

      My sentiments exactly . I really hope she reads this. Treat the disease not just the symptoms.

  30. Watermelon Lemonade

    October 4, 2016 at 5:16 pm

    I don’t know if anyone else has suggested this, but have you tried refraining from dairy products like milk, eggs, cheese and yogurt? Apparently, dairy is linked to acne. Ever since I’ve stopped eating these things myself, I’ve seen a positive difference in my skin. I also use black soap by Shea Moisture. The alternative for you, in terms of cost, would be Dudu Osun. I use Shea Moisture’s black soap to wash my face at least twice a week. I also use Bioré Deep Pore Charcoal Cleanser daily. Just like you, I drink plenty of water and I don’t eat oily stuff (for the most part). My skin is not perfect, but it’s better than it was before. As cliche as it may sound, you will be okay. God’s got you covered, you just have to believe it.

  31. Adanna

    October 4, 2016 at 5:21 pm

    @social media 9,how can i reach you please.i have black spots all over my body.when i get bitten by mosquito or sustain an injury,it heals,becomes gangrenous and leaves a spot.i have taken pills and gone to the hospital.it really makes me insecure owing to the fact that i love short dress and enjoy swimming which makes people look at my leopard skin..am really tired.
    PS am dark skinned and i want to keep it that way.

  32. Wonderful wonder

    October 4, 2016 at 5:26 pm

    Dear Writer,

    I cannot begin to imagine how hard this is for you. I can almost feel your pain from your words. I also dont have an acne remedy, and I hope some of the natural options suggested will work. But i want you to remember this. Like the lovely person said earlier, you are fearfully and wonderfully made, whether you feel that way or not. You are also incredibly gifted. You have much to offer the world. I know this because when you finally conquer these challenges, which you will, your story will be all the more powerful.

    Remember that for all the hurt and the pain, there is love available to you, a million times more powerful, a million times more true. All the negative thoughts, words and feelings are lies. They do not reflect who you really are. You are beautiful, powerful, special, and it is not because of the skin on you. It is way deeper than that, it is what has been placed on your inside. You are powerful! A force to reckon with. Why else will you have such a challenge that seems so peculiar? You are made for big BIG things. I may not know you, but somehow I know this.

    Hang in there. Hang on to Jesus. He is waiting, He is ready. He can heal your skin, but He is more concerned with your heart and your spirit. Tough people go through tough battles so they come out as gold. Dont give up! Do NOT give up. You are made for more. One day soon, you will be back to this website, writing about how you overcame. This time will be nothing but a distant memory. Dont give up. You are loved. 🙂

  33. Eni

    October 4, 2016 at 5:26 pm

    So sorry about what you are going true. I may not truly know how you feel but I can imagine

    I got acne as a teenager and used to suffer from medium severity acne. I tried everything from expensive products and facials to all what not. Finally I met a dermatologist who prescribed dettol soap (for washing my face twice daily), an antibiotic (ingested once a day, can’t remember the name – I’ll check at home and update tomorrow) and eclaran (an anti-acne cream). I took the antibiotics for a month and applied the anti acne cream for 3 months. Exercises also help, I get a facial once a quarter and I wear make-up on special occasions only. I’ve been acne-free since then. My face has never felt so good.

    I’ll advised you to use what I did but note that people react differently to medication.

  34. Pele

    October 4, 2016 at 5:57 pm

    OP, check out perfectingmybeauty.com. Its a Nigerian skincare blog.

  35. LemmeRant

    October 4, 2016 at 6:40 pm

    The craziest part of all this is most of the issues I read here are psychological and not physical (acne) and believe me beautiful people can also have low self esteem, they can be suicidal and addicted to. It is not the acne. I have seen cases of people with major ( and I mean major) disabilities who live a wonderful life because they have people around them who truly love them. You see, this are the real lucky ones.

    I don’t know about skin products for acne but I advise you to detach yourself from people who do not see you. Detach yourself from people who will try to put you down. If its not possible to completely do that, limit your interactions with them. The world is full of different people with different issues and believe me, they is someone for everybody. You shouldn’t have to be ashamed of yourself amongst family or friends. Please surround yourself with people that give you joy and acne or no acne you’ll find your peace and esteem.

  36. Lou

    October 4, 2016 at 6:43 pm

    Bellanaija it would be nice if you can help pay for her treatment

  37. Lou

    October 4, 2016 at 6:44 pm

    God can give you a new outlook on life even with the acne on your face …. look to him

  38. Pure tea tree oil

    October 4, 2016 at 7:16 pm

    I can totally relate to your experience and I do wish I had a way of contacting you. You need people to encourage you. As some people have mentioned, you have to work from within you to outside you. The people around you don’t seem to be encouraging and that makes it worse. I’ve had some issues with hearing voices as well, a lot of anger within me, depression, suicide, tiredness. I’ve also battled with the whole cycle of pimples and the scars they leave behind, as a result, my face is darker than the rest of my body (I’m also dark skinned).

    I don’t think your problem is your diet, I think it’s probably hormonal. I used palmer’s skin success acne medication cleanser, (it’s transparent in color, please don’t mix it up with the toner). After cleansing, I use pure tea tree oil . Just put a few drops of it on a piece of cotton wool soaked with water (don’t rub it directly on your face without water, it burns). You can get them both at casa bella. The palmers last i checked was about N1500 or N1600 and tea tree oil a little under N4000.

    I will admit that taking care of ur acne will help a lot, it will motivate you to feel better when you look better. I’m not trying to be shallow, i’m just saying from my experience, when my face cleared up, I actually started feeling better and having more confidence in myself. Please try the tea tree oil and palmers, I was also cash strapped like u stated, I couldn’t afford any expensive treatment, these 2 together worked for me. Whenever you can get the money, I’d advise you see a psychologist, it’s really essential. But most of all, it was God who kept me and opened my eyes through everything I went through, and I’m a much better happy person today. I would advise listening to some Joseph Prince messages or reading some of his books. Please reach out if you can.

    • Koffie

      October 6, 2016 at 10:44 am

      I concur on the Joseph Prince’s messages part.

  39. Kina

    October 4, 2016 at 7:24 pm

    sorry don’t want to flood this blog with my comments but I just spoke to a friend of mine who I no for fact had horrendous acne. She used to be called crater face in school. She was a strong confidence girl it didn’t really bother her much. Any way to cut a long story short She’s a different person now. In terms of facial appearance. She said her GP recommended birth control pills. The combined ones that contain progesterone and estrogen. They were actually recommended by the GP when she was a teenager but her mum said Hell to the N O . Looool she could have gotten them anyway because they hand them out like candy to 13 year olds assesssed to be gillick competent. But I digress. Anyway years later she went to see GP on her own and got a prescription. She’s on YASMIN gets it free. Go to birth control clinic and get assessed for combine pill. Do it tomorrow dear you hear. It has side effects oh!!!!. But I think your SUCIDAL ideation is more a risk factor to you than side effect from birth control pills. Go tomorrow don’t waste time being sad a moment longer. I still feel you may need mental health Assesssment ( I’m not trying to be rude) but it’s up to you .Hope this helps Godbless.

    • Kina

      October 4, 2016 at 7:37 pm

      And I need to add that they normally assess you before handing out combined pill. So if you have a history of raised BP, thrombosis, migraine, diabetes, some mental health issues it may not be suitable for you. That’s what they do over here. I don’t know about Nigeria so just check . Okay.

    • Philomina

      October 4, 2016 at 10:06 pm

      Best advice so far. I have being following the comments as I have similar pimple problem. I google combined pill and sure enough it’s good remedy for pimples. Am down to shoprite pharmacy first thing. Thanks girl

  40. Anon

    October 4, 2016 at 8:53 pm

    At kaina this is what I call practical advice. You cared enough to check and come back with this practical easy solution to a problem that was driving this girl suicidal. Birth control pills very affordable and easily accessible even on copper salary. At least if she treats the acne and clears it and low mood persist she can seek a Psych assessment .

  41. winter

    October 4, 2016 at 10:23 pm

    I hesitated before posting my comment because I can only imagine how overwhelmed you might be getting with all the advice/techniques suggested but I guess it is worth a shot.

    About the acne issues, I can relate because I have not only studied acne bacteria and remedies as a laboratory scientist but I have also struggled with it on my skin and I am aware of the self-esteem issues that come along. One thing that my laboratory and personal research constantly point to as a remedy is Sulfur – If you add sulfur-containing agents to any growth medium for acne bacteria in the lab, it basically kills them. Sulfur soaps are very cheap. Ignore all the fancy brands and get a plain sulfur soap (also known as carbolic soap) for about N700, use it at least twice daily to tackle the pathogens colonizing your skin. Next, you want to empower your own skin by boosting its ability to regenerate and fight infection/inflammation- the answer to this is vitamin C. Again, please ignore any fancy concoctions that promise you anything and simply use a pure vitamin C serum, this is a bit more pricey (N5000). Avoid oil on your face, coconut oil/shea butter work wonders for some people but not everyone (they make my face a lot worse). The next thing you need is a powerful toner – no chemicals, just plain tomatoes or cucumbers will balance out your skin pH. Finish your regimen with an oil-free fragrance-free moisturizer. Once a week, apply some plain yogurt to your face for 3o mins, wash it off, scrub with some sugar and rinse.

    This is an abridged form of my current regimen that has now cleared my acne after much trial and error, The full regimen consists of various korean + Japanese skin care and somewhat pricier beauty items and a clarisonic device, sometimes i can’t believe my skin is so clear and radiant. If I have your contact details, I will be happy to send these products to my mum in Nigeria who can then get them across to you. I have an idea of what you are going through and i know for a fact that it is not a hopeless situation.

    One important thing i will say is that i pray before i use products and I believe that the same God that empowered all the miracles in the Bible can turn an average product to a wonder-working solution for my skin..

    With regard to emotional issues, I can only say that you should see how you feel when the acne clears move forward from there. Constantly picture yourself as your 5-year old self – Don’t say, think, or do anything you wouldn’t want her to do- not to yourself and not to others. Vocal declarations of who you are/want to be are very helpful too… I am amazing, I am wonderfully made, I am a positive impact, a blessing to my generation etc. It may seem silly at first but say this out loud when you are alone and eventually your heart and mind will internalize it.

    Again, I am happy to send you the products I use if you get this and BN can connect us. Stay blessed and remember, Jesus loves you!

  42. Testifier.

    October 5, 2016 at 12:16 am

    Sending the Love of God your way. Your story will change for the best. You will not go down and you will not go out like this. Many people have offered practical advice on skin care regimes (even though some may be things you have already tried or do not have the required finances to try). One or two at least have offered to either foot your dermatologist’s bill or send money. I really hope you take them up on it through BN.

    As one or two (or three or more) have commented, the first place really to start is with God. You MUST sort out your relationship with Him. He is your Father Who will never stop loving you. He is your Saviour Who loves you so much He gave His Own life for you. He is the Great Physician. He is the Lord your Healer: JEHOVAH RAPHA. He is your best Friend Who sticks closer than a brother. You can tell Him anything.

    And, He will forgive you anything, anytime, as long as you are sincerely sorry, and looking to repent i.e. never to do it again. Please confess the porn to Him, and lesbianism (even just watching it. Jesus Christ said that even to look at a woman/person lustfully is a sin.) and ask Him to deliver you of that and all other unclean spirits. Ask God to forgive ALL your sins; confess them to Him. Invite Jesus Christ into your life to be your Saviour and Lord and surrender your life and yourself to Him. Ask Jesus to wash you clean completely in His Blood. receive your forgiveness, cleansing, and new life and new identity as a child of God in faith. Ask God to baptize you in His Holy Spirit so you may have power to resist the devil and sin and help to pray effectively.

    God will keep speaking to you and telling you who you really are. when others say negative things, His Word will counter it. The Holy Spirit in you will always bring God’s Word to mind, and cause His Word, praise songs, uplifting songs and thoughts, to rise up in your spirit.

    You MUST replace the time you spent on pornography with other activities. Leave no vacuum, that is dangerous. Apart from spending time in God’s Presence daily, especially first thing in the morning on waking up, and before going to bed at night, studying and MEDITATING on the Word of God, praising and worshipping God, giving thanks (there’s ALWAYS something to give thanks for, find it e.g. roof over your head, shelter, food, drink, clothes to wear, good grades from school, etc), engage in other Godly, positive, life-changing activities. Watch powerful, inspirational programmes on You Tube. Attend the monthly Holy Ghost Services at the RCCG Redemption Camp. If you’ve no money to go, most of the parishes have buses that take people there and bring them back for free e.g the City of David in V/I Extension. Just be sure to go to their church office and register/book a place, the week before or no later than the Tuesday preceding the Friday of the HGS. All these are new adventures, experiences and activities that are positive influences. AND, you could receive your miracle there! You can also watch the live stream online or watch various past editions online on You Tube too.

    As someone also suggested, take up exercise. It is good both for the health of the body and of the mind. Even if it is long walks early in the morning or late in the evening when the weather is cool. Just stay safe, I don’t know where you live.

    I want you to know one thing: (hold on to God and) THIS TOO SHALL PASS.

    I have suffered from a skin disease ever since I was a small child; I have no memories of life without it; and the best dermatologists in Nigeria and the UK plus GPs have told me it is not medically curable but only controllable. One of the symptoms is that my skin get very dark. If you saw me/my photos then, you wouldn’t know it was the same person. The medication does the opposite; a few times it doesn’t but it stops other symptoms. Due to the fluctuating skin tones, some people assume I’m bleaching. I have so much internal rage about this. I want to find the person, whoever and whatever did this to me and get God to make them pay from now till eternities unto eternities without mercy. I want God to manifest permanently my true colours, in every ramification, and totally torture to the fullest extreme and annihilate without mercy whoever stole and/or is obscuring or has hidden my true God-given and exceeding glorious and beautiful, perfect colours, skin and identity.

    I know what it is to feel suicidal. I know what it is to be kept and held firmly by the and in the Hand and the Word of God.

    I know The Almighty God has a mighty and great, glorious Purpose and Destiny for my life and I am determined, at all costs, that it shall be fully, completely fulfilled. The enemy shall not have the victory over me, not in this life neither in the world to come. I will not suffer this here, then yield to the enemy of my soul and commit suicide, take my own life, and then give him the ultimate victory, torturing me and gloating over me throughout all eternity in hell. NO. Therefore, because I KNOW God is FAITHFUL, I know His Word cannot fail, I know He will bring His Word to pass in my life and keep/fulfil His Promises to me: I LIVE.

    I LIVE. That in itself is a victory.

    One day, on the Day Appointed by God, my Change will/must come.

    And, I will testify.

    You will LIVE. You will not die. You will live to declare the goodness and the glory and the wonderful works of the LORD in the land of the living.

    In JESUS’ Name, Amen.

  43. I hope this helps

    October 5, 2016 at 1:23 am

    Your post reminds me of my story.
    Just like you, I have or had a beautiful brown skin, then I woke up one day and voila! Pimples all over my face. I went really hard on myself and wasn’t patient enough to try and find possible solutions, I just went on a “bursting” spree (my worst mistake yet).

    The more I touched the pimples and squeezed them, the more pimples I got the following mornings, and because I squeezed the previous ones, they leave me with dark spots.
    My face became a major problem to me, I skipped classes and social events because those who knew me from my first year could not understand what happened to me. It was a very sad and depressing time for me.

    I didn’t see a dermatologist but I used all the stuff that I was referred to. From shea butter to coconut oil, lemon, honey, lime , to drinking alot of water and then some “miracle working 5days dark spot removal” or what not…. All to no avail.

    Then I gave up and resigned to being “Miss pimpled face” until I ran into an old friend of mine who told me she had same problem but to my greatest suprise, she said it was skineal and tetmosol that did it for her. I laughed considering the amount of products I had used on my face but reluctantly agreed to give it a trial. She also advised me to test for infection or any form of stds.

    I agreed and took a urine analysis test, it showed I had a bacteria infection but the results didn’t specify so I went for HVS and I found that I had candida, the doctor gave me a prescription, which I adhered to. I stopped having new pimples two days into my medication, then I started using just tetmosol to wash my face and apply skineal every evening and my dark spots started fading slowly. It took about 3mths with skineal but it worked for me.

    After I rid my face of dark spots, I stopped using skineal but continued with tetmosol and still do. Some mornings, I do the egg white face mask as well and it has been helpful.

    I am no medical practitioner but I advise you get tested for any form of bacteria infection, it doesn’t matter if u’r a Virgin or celibate, just go ahead and try cos dirty underwears and dirty lavoratories are capable of getting one infected. The test doesn’t cost more than N3000. Also give the skineal and tetmosol a trial, you just never know how little things can make a difference.

    I wish I had a way to forward my before and after photos to you, you will wonder if the second photo is a dream.

    Just hold on right there, help is on the way. Sending you the warmest of Ehugs.

  44. Xyz

    October 5, 2016 at 6:25 am

    Please see a gynaecologist to run some hormonal tests. It could be PCOS.

  45. nukubi

    October 5, 2016 at 7:08 am

    Please send a mail to me at [email protected]. I think I have a natural soap or two for you. All the best.xxx

  46. Marian

    October 5, 2016 at 7:45 am

    Abeggi, when yall see someone with skin issues be kind with your words. Nigerians can be very insensitive with words. You will hear words like dirty.

    Poster, i have walked in your shoes minus the porn stuff.

    My acne is still there though a little better. I was the life of the party in uni. I didn’t even have the luxury of makeup back then. talking to other people who actually have walked or are walking in your shoes helps.

    At the end of the day though you gotta just be like heck this and love you, acne and all. I had days i was feeling myself like yay, acne looks a little better today and someone will come and try to pour salt for my garri with their what are you doing about this your face. You should try washing it daily, don’t eat greasy foods. You just wanna slap the person like do you know the 1 million and 1 things i’ve tried or the number of dermatologists i’ve seen?? Antibiotic resistance n my noncompliance with med will not gree let ne use doxy though. Only thing i was ever prescribed and didn’t use.

    There are people who will look past your acne and know you are not your dark spots. The change starts from within. Drop your email o so we can bombard you with support. Acne sucks!!!!! But you can not let it stop you from living life to the fullest.

  47. Bobosteke & Lara Bian

    October 5, 2016 at 10:25 am

    My name is Bobosteke & Lara Bian. You see, just like this is not my real name, we all hide a lot behind the monikers and avatars.

    First off, you write so beautifully. That I could literarily taste your pain in my mouth is a testimony to your talent. At some point, I forgot I was reading someone’s heart-wrenching story and became carried away with the mellifluous flow of it..

    I told someone this morning that I read a letter on BN yesterday that felt like I could have written. The skin problems , the self hate, the descent into debasing acts, the suicidal thought, have been me at some point or the other in my life.

    I had some extreme form of eczema that looked like vitiligo on my face.
    I loathed myself from my soul for reasons ranging from the ridiculous to insane.
    My thoughts descended to the most filthy and decadent of considerations.
    The voices in my head were chanting unending choruses of Idiot. Stupid girl. You can never do anything right. Funny thing was I would say tho words out loud and nod in agreement while saying them.
    I’d stay in the house locked up for days, without food or water, staring into space. When I emerged, I was as dark as night and as lifeless as a zombie.

    Ah, Chaille, we all hide a lot behind our monikers.

    I don’t have a formula to offer. Some days are better than others. I don’t got no religion to offer. No amount of God loves you can help if you don’t love learn to love yourself too. What God’s love can do however, is to show you deep and secret things about yourself that would make you marvel. It would illumine you from your very depths and give you strength. Believe me, when you know that the memory of the sound of your laugh is the only thing sustaining you from one breathe to the other, you know what desperate smells like.

    Now let me tell you that God is not punishing you for anything. What has happened is that sinful acts leave a welcome in sign for attacks and other ilk to stroll in. Close the door and he will have to go through God to get in.

    As to the attitudes with family. You have continuously defined yourself by your looks. You are ultra defensive because there is an overwhelming desire to hurt before you are hurt. And your face wears the ugliness that your soul has become. Not from the acne. but from the thoughts. Remember where the mind goes the man follows.

    You are beautiful. Beyond the acne, and the scars, beyond dimples, beyond eyebrows that vie to be on fleek, There is a beauty that resonates in you that I love and that life needs very much. If there wasn’t , why do you think Satan has taken such a bother with you? It’s simple really. You are a threat to him. Everytime you get yourself together you ring an alarm.

    You and I both know that there is something beautifully explosive that your life is about. I speak with conviction because of the madness that is my life is. I speak because I know how fear can become a living breathing person beside you.

    Yes Pretty hurts, ma choupette , but all I can think of is how fiery, and wise and strong and absolutely gorgeous you are and yet will be when you allow yourself live your path. The question is, will you?

  48. Bobosteke & Lara Bian

    October 5, 2016 at 10:34 am

    I forgot. Sometime its not some act of the devil that makes us so low. Sometimes its actually God at work, making you go through these things for the record breaking, trend setting person you will be. Think Job, think blind Bartimous, think Joyce Meyer, think me, think you and think us all who God trusts enough to give us scars.

  49. Koffie

    October 6, 2016 at 10:43 am

    Bobosteke & LB, I’m not even the one who you wrote that for but your words really made me smile and you write beautifully.
    I don’t have skin treatment advise for the author as I’m still battling my ‘oil factory’ face but I’ll address the porn addiction and suicidal thoughts.
    It’s great you already recognise them as some form of escapism, the problem is somewhat solved already as you know that this is not the real you. I went through something similar to what you’re going through, I hated myself and developed an acerbic tongue. My comebacks were epic, I was filled with so much self-hate and rage at myself for not loving myself. I projected this onto others. It didn’t help that my mum had this ideal vision of what her only daughter should look like (tall, fleshy, pearly white teeth, uber-feminine voice, shapely feet…like the chubbier version of a barbie) and since I wasn’t any of these things, she’d point out my flaws and tell me to do something about it. Thank God for my dad who in spite of my flaws would always vocalise how I’m the prettiest *insert my age* and he always sounded convincing.
    Anyway, I still had some major self-esteem issues and at some point, I got tired and wanted out. What pulled me through was the realization of God’s view of me. I started trying to see myself as the Father does and would vocalise His thoughts of me to myself. Words like “…because you are precious and honoured in my sight”, “I will never leave you nor forsake you”. That one did it for me, in spite of my sins, flaws and weaknesses, He will never leave nor forsake me/you meaning He’s always with you even right in the middle of the porn-watching. He doesn’t like it and it’s not His best for you but He loves you and wants to stay for the longest haul. And if there’s anyone whose word you can literally bank on, it’s God.
    Everyday and during your normal activities, say it out loud that “I am the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus”, “I am highly favoured and deeply loved”, “I am more precious to God than rubies”, “God formed me and saw that I was perfect and therefore I am beautiful”, “I am the best thing since fanta” (maybe not the last part, lol).
    Also, break bread/communion everyday (it’s very scriptural) and declare healing over your body, mind and soul. It doesn’t have to take more than 5 minutes. I usually say a simple prayer like “Love was perfected in me and as Jesus is in heaven, so am I here in this world”. Is Jesus ill and depressed on the Father’s right hand? No, as He is in heaven, so are we in this world.
    If you can, download Joseph Prince’s messages and daily devotional app. I have a dropbox link of some messages I can share with you if you’d like. I believe you will have a different perception of God’s love for you and of who you truly are as you listen to or read from someone like Joseph Prince.
    My prayers are with you ma’am.

  50. ify

    October 6, 2016 at 10:09 pm

    One word Accutane!!!!!!!!!!!! read about it! It will change your life.

  51. ify

    October 6, 2016 at 10:11 pm

    My brother and mum used it after using numerous other drugs, from proactive to herbal remedies to facials every 2 week.l ACCUTANE IS A LIFE SAVER!!!!! Be sure to discuss with a doctor though as it is a strong medicine.

  52. Caroline (Poster)

    October 7, 2016 at 5:39 pm

    Hi all,
    I am really grateful for your kind comments. If it ever gets too bad, I can always come here and know there is support. I am grateful.
    I would have loved to reply earlier but I was having problems commenting on the website.

    My email address is [email protected]

    BN can confirm this.

    God bless you all

    • Bobosteke & Lara Bian

      October 8, 2016 at 11:13 pm

      Hi Caroline! Glad you made it to the page. There will always be beauty here for you to see… Love you loads!

  53. Anon

    October 21, 2016 at 1:57 am

    Hey! You should look into eating cleaner (meaning, no red meat(avoid meat if you can), eat seafood once in a while). Eat alot of fruits and vegetables (raw spinach, kale, avocado, etc) to detox your body. Make sure to stay hydrated always. Work out for at least 30 minutes three times a week. Wash your face with water (no chemicals) every 6 hours or so. Lightly moisturize your face with coconut oil or shea butter every time you wash it. Use a silk cover and pillow case. Try not to touch your face (or let others touch your face) as much as possible, especially with dirty hands. Also, stay away from refined sugars (candy etc.). I hope everything works out for you. Goodluck hun!

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